Did you know some smells increase sexual pleasure and are better to use during an erotic massage? Much like the Ultimate Oral Sex Guide, this isn’t a step-by-step instructional guide to performing an erotic massage. No one can tell you what your partner likes better than your partner. Instead, we want to give you some tips on setting the scene, oil selection and the power of scent, plus a couple of performance tips to make the experience better.
Setting the scene
Now when setting the scene for an erotic massage, there are certain things you need to take care of BEFORE you begin.
Make time – Erotic massage isn’t something you should rush. If you are a busy couple, make a date for it to happen. If you have little kids, who still wake up during the night, send them to grandma’s/aunty’s/a friend’s place or you might have to get an overnight sitter and go to a hotel for the night. Don’t feel guilty about it. An erotic massage is an investment in your relationship so don’t make excuses, just make it happen!
Picking the location – You want the experience to be pleasurable. That can be hard to achieve if you are lying or kneeling on the floor for any length of time, particularly as you get older. If you use protective bedding, like a waterproof mattress protector, draped with high thread count sheets, you will both be much more comfortable. Yes, they will stain, so wash them after and keep them for these occasions. Just make sure you don’t end up having to sleep in a puddle of oils and body fluids later.
Lighting – Dim lighting is best because it induces relaxation and pleasure. Candle lighting is perfect, so aim for that effect.
Technology – Turn it off. That includes mobile phones and TVs. You might want some nice calming music playing quietly in the background but that’s about the only technology you should have around you.
Clothing – None. If you wear expensive lingerie, it will get stained when you are using oils. Plus, the bonus of being naked is knowing you will be free to use every part of your body to massage him. The sensation of skin on skin, especially if you slip and slide around together, will be much better without clothing restraints.
Preparing for the massage
There will be certain things which are needed to perform an erotic massage. Things like towels for cleaning up after and oils you plan to use. You might want to try a blindfold or add some couples’ sex toys. Get these ready before you begin. Why, you may ask? Not only will it allow you to concentrate solely on your performance but it can be really dangerous hunting around the house for things covered in oil. You want fun and pleasure, not a trip to the emergency room because you slid over and cracked your skull open! It may sound a bit ridiculous but it does happen. So please, don’t let it happen to you or your partner.
Oil selection and the power of smell
When choosing an oil, please take into consideration the effect smell has on pleasure senses. Erotic massage should be rejuvenating for the mind, body and spirit; so some smells are much better to use than others. For example, the scent of ylang ylang is soothing, a powerful aphrodisiac, increases libido, boosts low energy levels and improves love making. Then there’s cinnamon, which entices heat from within the body, increases sexual appetite and when rubbed sparingly on genitals, produces powerful stimulation.
Now, Lady Sclareol, which has been around since the middle ages, is an essential oil which has been blended using some of nature’s most exotic and aromatic essential oils, including ylang ylang, geranium, rosewood, jasmine, clary sage, sandalwood, and others. Its proprieties are an aphrodisiac for both sexes, claiming to calm, balance, enhance libido and encourage fertility.
Be aware that some essential oils may burn or irritate when they are directly used on the genital skin. If you are unsure, use only edible lubrication rather than an essential oil. Many come in scented flavors. Keep in mind the scent won’t be as powerful as a pure essential oil, so you may want to use some incense, scented candles or oil in a burner, to improve the experience.
There’s a few things to remember when giving an erotic massage:
- It’s a marathon, not a sprint and there’s no finish line. If you begin to get tired or sore, swap over with your partner and take turns. Make it last and don’t be consumed by arriving at the happy ending. It’s all about the journey!
- Use plenty of oil. Don’t be afraid to get messy. The messier the better and that’s why you need to prep BEFORE you begin.
- Use all of your body to perform the massage. If you do the entire massage with your hands, they will get tired. There’s nothing wrong with adding a heap of oil and laying on top of your partner and moving around. It’s all about the sensation of touch and the power of connection.
- Don’t forget about their head and face either. Some people start at the head and work their way down for a few reasons. The first is you need to start somewhere. The second: Starting with the head will instantly relax your partner. Thirdly, you won’t be smothered in oil and get it in their eyes. Finally, by the time you reach the lower half of their body, you will be smothered in oil!
We hope you’ve found these tips useful. The power of smell, when it comes to improving sex and sexual performance, is reasonably in-depth and way more than we can cover here. If you want to know more; we have an article coming up in the next few weeks, on How The Power Of Smell Can Improve Your Sex Life, so look out for that one.
If you want to share anything we have or haven’t covered here, speak up, because we’d love to hear from you!
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Kim is a writer and SHESAID's resident psychologist. A self-proclaimed tomboy who understands more about relationships and men than she ever will about glitz and glamour. Follow Kim on Google+.