“The excruciating pain and immense pleasure I felt waiting at home with our kids and wondering who she was screwing, was so intense…”. Meet the couples who are talking about being swingers.
It’s no revelation keeping the sex hot in a marriage is a challenging task, and how each individual couple navigates that will vary. Whether it’s through the introduction of toys, kink-play like BDSM, or branching outside of typical monogamy, there are a number of ways to keep things passionate in the bedroom.
For a growing number of couples, the key to a fulfilling sex-life is swinging; an arrangement where one or both partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others.
For those unfamiliar with the swinging scene, the idea of sharing your significant other sexually with someone else may be anxiety-inducing, but for swingers, it’s the key to a successful, passionate relationship.
Here, four couples explain how they got into the lifestyle, recount their hottest sexual encounters, and describe how swinging has impacted their relationship…
“When I was 18 year-old, my best friend and I shared our girlfriends and ever since that day, I’ve just wanted more…”
We are a completely normal couple; my wife, Alica* runs an office in the building industry and I am CEO of an investment fund.
We were friends for about five years before we started dating, and then things moved fast. We were in our mid to late 20s, both just out of long-term relationships. She told me she had gone on a sexual rampage after her break-up; she’d traveled to Bali and slept with nine guys in seven days. That definitely sparked my interest. We bought a house after only three months together and were married within six.
That was 27 years ago, and we have been on the path from swinging to an open relationship for about 19 years. Most people who know us say we seem like we’re still on our honeymoon because of how in love and into each other we are.
The initial interest in swinging was my suggestion; as an 18 year-old, my best friend and I shared our girlfriends a few times. This was the first experience outside of typical monogamy and ever since that day, I’ve just wanted more.
As a married couple, we talked a lot about my experiences and fantasies, read erotic literature together and watched lots of porn.
Eight years into our marriage, my wife’s best friend, Helena*, started cheating on her husband. She was finding guys online during the early days of MSN and was meeting them in motels and car parks for random sex. She was looking for really well-hung guys. It was all about big cocks. She used to come over and sit in our hot tub and tell Anne every detail like a pair of excited school girls. They loved it, and I got amazing sex after their chats.
We talked about it in private and I encouraged Alica to get all of the details because I wanted to bring out the slut in my her, which I knew was there but was repressed by a traditional European Catholic childhood.
Eventually, Helena and my wife went out one night, walked into a pub and found a hot young 19 year-old who was with a group of friends. They went up to him and said “We have a motel around the corner and we want you to come right now and fuck us both”. It was his lucky day and for me, it was a sexual awakening. The excruciating pain and immense pleasure I felt waiting at home with our kids and wondering what she was doing was so intense.
As a reward, we then arranged a foursome with Helena and her favorite fuckbuddy, Cam, who had a really thick nine-inch penis which was just sculptured to perfection. I had total envy.
I was much more interested in watching Alica and Cam than in doing anything with Helena – but of course, I did. Alica was just addicted to his amazing cock and stamina and I was in awe watching her being used. I ended up eating her pussy full of cum which was a spur of the moment thing, but seemed like a natural thing to do.
That experience started our life swinging which was an interesting evolution. We’ve both learned a lot about ourselves.
I found out that I need a connection to play. If my head isn’t into my playmate, my body won’t be. It takes time. My brain takes control and attractiveness, to me, is measured on the conversation, my desire and mutual teasing. Alica is the opposite. She loves new players, doesn’t like to get close, and is more like a “typical male” in the sense of having sex and not caring about names, numbers or stories. This has made traditional swinging with couples complex as the dynamics are just too hard sometimes. Through this journey, we came to an understanding that allowed us both to play on our own, We would attend a swingers club and Alica would drag some guy to a room to fuck on her own and I would later take her to a room, getting off on how naughty she was.
Whilst we didn’t ever engage in risky sex, we both decided to get fixed. Alica had her tubes tied and I had a vasectomy to make sure we had no unwelcome surprises.
We branched out a little and started attending gangbang parties, which filled Alica’s need of variety and my lusts as well. We have had several BBC (Big Black Cock) parties where up to 12 well-hung African-American men entertain three or four wives whilst the husbands socialize or look on with envy. Whenever I travel for work, I make sure Alica has a few appointments in her diary to keep her entertained.
The first actual couple we swung with was 18 years ago at a Saints and Sinners Ball (our cities biggest swinger party held four times a year for over 1,000 people). They are a massive part of our life, even now. We have traveled with them and essentially made them part of our family – they even attended our daughter’s wedding. They are some of our closest friends. In fact, virtually all of our close friends are in the swinging scene.
We are happy to blend our swinger and ‘vanilla’ friends at social gatherings because our swinger friends are all classy, discrete and understand the rules. It’s a beautiful circle to live within. They all have their own sets of rules; couples only connecting with couples, hubbies who just like to watch, couples where they both play apart as well together and of course, the naughty wives who are part of the gangbang circle (which is huge where we are from).
As a bit of fun, my wife and I use the Harry Potter word ‘muggles’ to describe those who aren’t part of our world. In the books, a muggle is a term for “non-magic folk”. It works for us. When hosting a party at home, we simply need to say there will be muggles there and everyone knows to not shag someone’s wife on the kitchen bench in front of everyone.
When people ask me how I could let someone have sex with my wife, I explain to them that living without jealousy is the most liberating thing you can achieve in life. Imagine loving someone so much that you want them to experience the very best moments that life can deliver. I don’t know how else to describe it.
We have profiles on a number of different dating and adult connection sites, and in fact are going to a very naughty party tomorrow night (a school night? Oh, the shame of it all!).
“We discovered my wife gets off on the idea of me fucking other women…”
We were together for over 10 years before either of us even mentioned the idea of swinging.
The problem is that with this sort of thing, it’s complicated ground to bring up the discussion without some sort of prior knowledge about the other person’s views about monogamy, swinging, and sex as a couple. If you suggest to your partner that you want to try tying them up, and they’re not into it, the worst reaction you’re going to get is an “eww, no” and that’s the end of that. But suggesting you hook up with another couple? I know people who have split up with their partners over the mere suggestion. It’s a whole new territory. While I liked the idea, it didn’t really appeal to me enough to try and get a feel for her views, so I just ignored it. Little did I know, she was exactly the same and was having the same thoughts.
One day, I came across a site which was essentially a sex-interest quiz. It gives a long list of questions from the very vanilla (do you like french kissing?) to the more hardcore (are you into feces or urine play?). You answer each question with one of the four answers: “Yes, I’m into this”, “No I’m not into this”, “Not really, but I’d do it for the other person” or “We already do this”. Then, you email the quiz to your partner to fill in. Complete honesty is required, which is the most important part. When you’re finished, the quiz will only show you both what you both answered either “yes” or “for the other person” on. If either one of you said “no” to a question, neither will see the answer. It’s a great way to broach these more “taboo” interests without the risk of your partner’s reaction if they’re strongly against it. This quiz was the catalyst to our swinging experiences; the question related to having sex with other couples came up as a “yes” for both of us, so I was thought “Oh, okay. We should talk about this then”.
So we decided to go visit a sex club. There are several near where we live, so we had plenty of options. The first one we went to was, to be honest, not a positive experience. The clientele was a lot older than we were and, to be honest, didn’t have the looks or body types we were interested in. I know that sounds big-headed, but that’s how it was. Luckily, there was one couple who were our age and were kind enough to give us a good introduction into the lifestyle. They explained it all to us, how it works, the terms used (play = sex and so on), and their experiences. They were a genuinely lovely couple.
Later that night, both them and us went into a room. We didn’t swap partners this time, we just played with our respective partners next to each other. It was incredibly hot and we loved every moment of it. From then on, we knew we’d made the right choice – we just needed to find a different venue!
A few weeks later, we went to another club. This was a totally different place with a massive 14-person hot-tub. It was a total breath of fresh air. The patrons were closer to our age, and we got on with everyone there. We had an amazing night and met a beautiful blonde lady in the hot tub, who we ended up having an amazing threesome with. I was actually quite scared that my wife would freak out when I started actually touching her – some people find the fantasy of a threesome a turn-on but freak out when it happens in real life – but to my relief, she was turned on by it. After we finished playing with her, we went home. When we debriefed, we discovered she had a big hot-husband fetish – hot-husband is where she gets off on the idea of me fucking other women.
Now, we are what is called a “full-swap” couple; we both have penetrative sex when playing with another couple. We started out as “soft-swap”, which is where you do everything except P in V sex, but we eventually took the plunge with a couple we trusted. It was a fantastic experience. I admit I was a bit worried that I would freak out about her playing with another guy, but we discussed it at great length beforehand and established that either of us could end everything for any reason. Oddly enough, I wasn’t bothered by it at all. To be honest, I was too busy having sex with the other lady to be bothered. I put it down to the honesty we had and the knowledge that, for both of us, this was purely physical. It’s hard to describe to someone outside the lifestyle, but that is exactly what it is.
We are lucky because swinging is not quite so taboo in the UK, where we live. There are actually huge swingers festivals! We went to one hosted by a club this year and had a fantastic weekend. There was music, bands, performers, and of course, fucking, and I’ve got tickets to a huge event in a few months. The lifestyle is a lot bigger than most people give it credit for.
Swinging isn’t for everyone. It requires complete, 100 percent trust and maturity. It requires complete honesty and openness. It also requires the mindset of being able to separate love and sex. It’s also worth noting that there is a stereotype associated with being a swinger but I don’t think it really rings true. If you met me or my wife, you’d never ever guess we were in this lifestyle.
“My husband told me about his desire to dip his toe in the bisexual world…”
My husband and I have only been in the lifestyle for a few months, but in that span of time, we have actively been looking for couples and have dived headfirst into the lifestyle.
We’ve soft swapped, full swapped, and even hooked up with couples that we didn’t even know the names of at a local swinger club, which was totally out of my comfort zone at the time. All of our experiences – except the very first one, which is an entire novel in itself – have been great. Until recently, we had only swapped with couples so far, and I was really been enjoying the process of getting to know them and doing both one-on-one and group sex with couples.
Threesomes were not completely off the table for me, but it wasn’t something I was actively pursuing since couples were working so well. My husband had brought up the idea a few times, and I was feeling pretty neutral about it. My main concern for a MFF (male, female, female) was that there wasn’t another man there for me to make it “fair”, since he would be with another woman. I am bisexual, so having sex with a woman would be enjoyable for me, but I was afraid I would be more likely to get jealous in that scenario.
It might seem weird because I’ve already seen him with plenty of other women when we swap within couples, but it was still uncharted territory, so I was wary. He suggested that maybe we should do MFM (male, female, male) first, as it would get us used to the idea of threesomes without my jealousy being an issue. My husband has also talked to me about his desire to dip his toe in the bisexual world. He’s open to it – as long as it was with the right guy – but the stigma of it is something that he’s still trying to get past.
I was perusing swinging websites for a couple swap one day when I saw an ad posted by a guy similar in age to us, bisexual, and who had a very well-written ad. It really stuck out to me. I mentioned it to my husband before we went to bed and told him that if we were to do a MFM threesome, this would be a guy would be interested in chasing for it.
Two days later, he told me he had looked up the man’s ad and has contacted him. I was really surprised, but the excitement was building inside me. We talked to the guy, swapped a few pics, and decided to meet up.
We had dinner together, and he was exactly how I expected him to be. We all got along really well and had a lot in common so we invited him back to our house where could get to know each other better. At one point, my husband started getting frisky with me to get things going. We started undressing, began touching each other and kissing. After moving to the bedroom, I took turns going down on both of them. At one point, they were both on their knees, facing each other, and I had both of them in my mouth at the same time, so their penises were touching each other inside my mouth. I had never done this before, but it was hot and both of them really liked it.
I hinted to my husband that he should touch the other guy, and he wanted to as well but was hesitant to make the first move. I knew he wanted to try, but that he needed support and a little push from me. He was fingering my pussy, and so I took the chance to guide his hand onto the other guy’s penis while kissing my husband the whole time. They were both giving each other handjobs, and it was so sexy for me to watch. Later on, the other guy helped me give my husband a blow job. It was a great vibe, both sexy and lighthearted. My husband also helped me give the other guy a blow job.
When I rode each one, the other one would be on his knees, with me and whoever I was on top of giving him head. After my husband got comfortable, he started initiating contact. At one point, they were jacking each other off and I was playing with myself, across from them, just watching. We also tried double penetration for the first time; in fact, it was the first time for everyone. It was amazing and overwhelming at the same time. And they both said that it was was the tightest sex they had ever had before. They ended the night both cumming on my chest and stomach at the same time, which was a first for me as well. Overall, it was an awesome night. And my husband is very interested in doing more.
I’m so excited for what’s to come and not having the limitations of no guy on guy contact.
“At our orgies, we expect people to arrive on time, socialize and get freaky. No exceptions.”
We’re a swinging couple who have just started hosting our own swinger parties and orgies.
It amazes me how difficult these things are to pull off. We know a ton of awesome, sexy people. The problem is getting enough people with the right play attitude together. Add to this that everyone must be reasonably attracted to each other, scheduling conflicts, female biology timing and all of a sudden, things get really complicated. But, my wife is an excellent party-planner, and so she took to planning orgies like a moth to the flame.
At our orgies, we expect people to arrive on time, socialize for an hour or so, and then everyone goes to our group room and gets freaky. No exceptions. People are not required to play with people they don’t want to play with, of course, but we try to make expectations clear to everyone we invite – you’re at our parties to play, not observe. We also have a strict condom rule for intercourse, and exchange between partners is also a requirement. I understand this isn’t the way some people have their parties, but it’s how we run ours.
When we first started, I was surprised we weren’t having parties every month, especially given the number of people we know in the lifestyle. But it takes a special kind of couple to attend an orgy. We’ve found that women who expect to play with a lot of guys in one night are not a good fit. Similarly, party animals and people who prefer to be at the center of attention are not good candidates. You have to be a team player. I guess it just goes to show that swinging isn’t all just one thing.
At one of our more successful parties, we had invited eight couples and three single women. The party started at 9pm. The idea was after a few hours of drinks, meeting, and greeting, we would go upstairs to our playroom and get it on. Our playroom is a big family room with a sectional sofa and dimmable lighting. I moved the sofa out of the way and put three full-size mattresses on the floor along with four five-by-four foot pillows, blankets, and throw pillows. It’s really comfortable. We also put out a variety of sex toys, toy cleaner, loads of lube and tons of condoms. We dimmed the lights and put on some nice, sensual music.
Two couples were so excited, they arrived 30 minutes early. One couple with small children were about 45 minutes late because of a babysitting delay. Everyone got along really well and play started quickly; we were still in the “getting acquainted” phase of the evening when the blow jobs started. When the late-arriving couple got there, people were already naked.
Around 10:30, we headed upstairs. People were basically tearing what was left of their clothes off by this time. We spread out on the mattresses and got down to business. We only invite bisexual women, and true to form, there was tons of girl-on-girl play. I can’t speak for all the other men there, but I had sex with every woman – twice with a couple of them. We all had sex until 11:30, and then took a break.
After a nice soak in the pool and hot tub, a quick drink refresh, and some snacks, we headed back upstairs for round two. This time, we really went crazy. There were more threesome and foursome combinations. The women were all more vocal. It was incredible. This went on until the early hours of the morning, which people started leaving. My wife and I hooked up with the one remaining couple once more after a short break, and then called it a night.
At our most recent orgy, attendance was lower than we expected, which I thought would make for a disappointing evening. Only half of the couples we invited showed up, and only one single woman came.
But my fears of a lack-luster evening weren’t warranted. It was awesome, and there was absolutely zero drama. Everyone got along with everyone. The sex was hot! One woman said she had more than 12 orgasms. Several participants texted me saying they were suffering from “sex hangovers”. We’re really keen to have another one soon.
Images via shutterstock.com.
Kassi is SHESAID's Global Editor, a passionate and opinionated tea-drinker and cat-lover. She's always sleepy, loves politics and lives for writing about social issues. Follow Kassi on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.