This Is What Depression Feels Like
Depression is the monster that makes your nightmares a reality.
Depression is a monster. It’s equivalent to the devil.
It tells you every day how you’ll never be good enough for anyone. It makes you think you’re better off dead and that there are no other alternatives for feeling better except to take your own life.
This is what depression feels like in your everyday life:
1. It makes you believe you’re unworthy
Depression tells you that you’re not worthy of anyone’s time. You’re not worthy of someone caring about you. It assures you that you’re unworthy of love from another person.
You’re not worthy of healthy friendships or relationships. And when someone shows you otherwise, depression is there waiting to make it known there’s an ulterior motive or hidden agenda.
2. It makes you believe you’ll never be good enough
Depression waits in the corner until you’re vulnerable and strong and hits you like a ton of bricks. It can’t wait to tell you that you’re not good enough for someone. Or that you’re not smart enough to graduate.
Depression makes you look at every part of yourself negatively. You think you’re pretty? Depression tells you you’re hideous. You think you’re smart? Depression makes you believe you’re dumb.
Depression tears you down until there’s nothing to do except believe you are not and will not ever be good enough for anything. You’ll start believing you’re undeserving of anything good in life. Depression rips your self-esteem apart until there is none.
It helps you to live up to the unworthiness it keeps telling you. It has you act in mean or defensive ways. Before you know it, you will have pushed everyone so far away because depression tells you you’re not worthy of anything.
3. You feel like you’re better off dead than alive
Hoping for a better tomorrow? Depression will be there to tell you tomorrow will be worse than today. It will tell you to end your life so misery won’t be present tomorrow.
Depression will tell you that there are no alternatives to getting better. That taking your life is the only possible solution to end your misery as well as everyone else’s
4. You believe that no one cares about you
Depression makes sure to remind you that no one gives a shit about you. That no one cares if your entire world is dark and lonely. Everything people do seem like a failure or mistake on your part.
Every action will be tied to the notion that no one cares about you and that they’re out to get you. That every chance for a good thing will ultimately end up failing. Because no one cares nor will they ever.
5. You think that everything wrong is all your fault
No matter what you do or say, it’s always going to be your fault according to depression. Depression will blame you until you start to automatically think everything is your fault.
Depression wants you to be at rock bottom. It’ll tell you false information just to get you there. And once you’re there, depression helps dig the hole deeper and deeper until there’s little to no hope of getting out.
Every mistake you make or every wrong you commit, depression is right there to tell you all you are is a mistake. Nothing you do will ever be right. So, stop trying.
It’s the monster that makes your nightmares a reality. It’s a constant battle between life and death. Depression is the dark cloud that never fully goes away.
The darkness becomes normal. Any light that shines through is smashed by depression in an instant. Any hope for a better tomorrow gets destroyed by depression.
I fight the devil every day and some days, I fight it several times. It becomes exhausting. And many times, I give up and say “you win”. But I wake up and fight even though I say I give up because there’s a shred of hope I hold for a better tomorrow.
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