No, I Don’t Want To Discuss My Love Life At The Family Christmas Dinner

December 4, 2017

Single bells, single bells, single all the way…

Ah Christmas, the time of year to eat, drink, be merry… and be reminded of how you should be feeling super lonely around this time of the year.

That’s right, the holidays are a time when loved ones gather around the turkey, don ugly Christmas sweaters, and shower pity on those poor family members with no one to kiss under the mistletoe.

And it has to stop.

Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year because it’s just so damn loving and joyous. But as a single person, I’ve come to dread it. Not because I am “alone” (I’m not, I’m literally surrounded by the people I care about most). Not because I don’t have a boyfriend to parade around at family events, or have two families to split my time between. Nope, it’s because I just know I’m going to cop comments around the Christmas dinner table on “how hard” it must be for me.

How I am “doing so well” this time of year. Or how next year is going to be so much better for my dating life. 

There are only two ways this conversation can go.

Either a) I’m actually happy with the current status quo of my life, in which case pitying me for having no one to cosy up to beside the fire is really freaking patronizing and incredibly offensive.

Or b) I actually AM really lonely, and Christmas time only serves to intensify that, and you’ve just brought it up in front of literally everyone and now I have to go to the bathroom because I seem to have accidentally “flicked gravy in my eye”.

Single Christmas New Girl

Are you happy, Aunt Linda? Now I’m sobbing in the bathroom while my goddamn turkey is going cold.

But the people who dish out these life truths seem to have no idea of the nuclear bomb they’re about to detonate. They drop comments on single people like they’re nothing and skip on their merry way.

Wonder what would happen if someone busted out a “Oh Uncle Ted, Christmas must be really hard for you, what with you having to be here with your wife instead of with your mistress. You must be so lonely!”…?

Or “Hey how you holding up, cousin Karen? I know you and Rick are pretty much about to separate, so it must be tough for you to put on such a show every holidays. Fake it ’til you make it, hey?”

You’d be disinvited to the Christmas feast, that’s what.

So what is it about the love lives of single people that makes others think they’re appropriate dinner table conversation? Is it that they think they’re helping? That they’re trying to be sensitive? I’m not sure, but whatever it is, it’s misguided as hell.

I don’t need sympathy during the holidays. Or pity. Or unsolicited advice on how I really just need to get “out there” more.

No. What I need is a big glass of wine, a belly full of potatoes, a crapload of carols, and the love and support of my family.

So, this Christmas, give the gift of shut-the-heck-up-about-my-love-life.

It’s a present everyone can enjoy.

Images via pexels.com and giphy.com.

Comment: What do you most hate about being single around Christmas time? 

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