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Enjoying Anal Sex: For Beginners

Enjoying Anal Sex: For Beginners

butt plugs, anal sex, anal sex toys

We recently had a fair bit of interest in an article posing the question: can women enjoy anal sex?  The feedback we received indicated that this is an interesting topic and a couple of people were keen to offer advice.

RELATED Can Women Enjoy Anal Sex?

It seems they felt we should have gone a bit further and provided some extra information; not only about if anal sex can be enjoyed, but about how to enjoy it as well. I thought these were pretty interesting, so I’ve included their responses below.

I’ll begin with some feedback from The key thing is preparation/foreplay and LOTS of lube. Try small ‘plugs’ first (most adult stores carry a ‘kit’) to get her ready for the actual act.

“It can be pleasurable for both. Once past the opening, there’s not much side sensations as vaginal. Take a paper towel, tube to measure yourself to see just how big/wide you’ll be and then you’ll have an idea (it also elicits LOTS of giggles/laughter for both). Most adult toy stores sell kits to work up to the act. Foreplay and preparation is key to both partners’ pleasure.”

Okay, so preparation, foreplay and lots of lube is the recommendation here, which is great advice. Therefore, I’ll go into a bit more detail about what sort of kits and lube are available.

Anal Sex Aids

The image pictured below is a trainer kit for people wanting to give it a go. There’s heaps of different varieties and some, like this one, has an instructional video.


Now, for those of you who have just had a chuckle and are possibly thinking: “seriously, an instructional video? Can’t you just wing it and work it out for yourself?” Of course you can, but that’s often when anal sex can be a little painful for women. And sorry guys, but the first time she’ll be open to the possibility will probably be the last time. There’s more to it than vaginal sex, especially if you really don’t know what the heck you’re doing.

So, if you aren’t exactly an expert about what’s supposed to happen down there, it’s been recommended that you at least have a sneak peak before you just lube up and go for it! Now speaking of lube, there’s a few different types, and given that they can react with condoms, it’s essential to know what sort of lube is preferable. And yes, I did just say condoms. Unless you are in a long-term relationship and 100 percent confident that it’s exclusive, ALWAYS wear a condom.

So back to the lube. What’s the best sort? If you need to use condoms, then a latex compatible lube is essential. That’s something like a water-based variety. Sex stores recommend something plain rather than scented to reduce the chance of irritation. It’s also highly compatible with other sex toys like butt plugs and beads and it’s slick rather than sticky.

If couples aren’t using condoms, then try a silicone based lube instead. It apparently feels better and is easier to clean up than water-based lubes. There’s heaps of different varieties, specifically for anal sex. Manufacturers have identified that there are different requirements than lube for vaginal sex, so investing in a specific anal sex lube is highly recommend.

Another comment from our previous article was from  “You should add to this an explanation or link on how to perform anal sex. Most women wouldn’t know about the shape of the rectum, moving past the sphincters…” Okay Ingrid, fair point. Let’s look at those anal sphincters so women have a better understanding of how anal sex can be made to feel more enjoyable.

Relaxing the anal sphincters

Women’s Health magazine spoke to sex expert Jessica O’Reilly recently, who said: “Wait until you’re very close to orgasm before introducing new sex acts—like anal penetration—into your routine…When you’re aroused, the hormonal changes in your body have a palliative effect and help you to relax and experience pleasure more profoundly.”

That makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it? She then went on to talk about the anal sphincters and this is what she had to say: “These ring-like structures control what goes in and out of your butt, so you need to become familiar with their functioning and learn to exercise control over them. When you’re in the shower or touching yourself, try sliding a lubed-up finger inside as gently and slowly as possible, and allow your sphincter muscles to contract and release.”

O’Reilly then went on to talk about breathing and how holding one’s breath can interfere with muscles including relaxation, which is essential for anal sex. O’Reilly suggested breathing deeply so that the inner sphincter muscle will relax enough to facilitate penetration. It’s important to get a good breathing rhythm happening or you could inadvertently tense up upon anal insertion.

For women to really enjoy the experience, using toys or having some manual stimulation of the vagina going on while having anal sex is essential. Use toys along the lower/back wall of the vagina, located just between the cervix and the vaginal wall. Vibrating pressure here is said to be the sweet spot and is where women are most likely to reach orgasm during anal sex.

So, I hope we’ve given you all something to think about and thanks for the informative comments we got on this topic. If anyone has anything else to add, we’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Images via Women’s Health,

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