Don’t play the victim and stay in an abusive relationship, as it will only prolong the abuse. If you want things to change; you are the only one who can make it happen. Remember; don’t stay because of their promises; leave because of their actions.
Well, this is as good as it is ever going to get. There’s not going to be a magical wand to tap your partner on the head and change them over night. Yes, they maybe amazing, loving, kind and passionate when things are good, but don’t you want that all the time, not just some of the time? Do you feel that bad about yourself that you need to stay and cop that? Even if you do, you need to know that there have been countless people in your position. Some of them didn’t make it out of their relationship and suffered until the bitter end. Others took a giant leap forward and are thriving! Seriously, these are your options and you need to make a choice.
If you are searching the web for yourself or someone else, you need to know or tell your loved one… If you are ok with what’s happening; then stay. If you are not ok with that, then please take the advise of the millions of survivors out there and plan your escape. Up until now you have stayed with your abuser for a variety of reasons.
- If you are staying because you have no money; don’t
- If you are staying for the kids; don’t
- If you are staying out of fear of loosing your kids, family, home or even your life; don’t
- If you are staying because you have nowhere to go; don’t
- If you are staying because you love your partner; don’t
Regardless of what people say, love plays a big role is why people stay. You need to understand that this type of love is very unhealthy and destructive. If you stay, your partner will continue to abuse you. If you leave, they have a slim chance of changing their behaviour and seeking help themselves. Don’t stay because of their promises; leave because of their actions. Getting yourself, and children if you have them, out of this environment is the only way the abuse will stop.
There are some excellent welfare and government agencies out there that can get you on your feet. They have shelters available is you have no-where to go. Your kids will be better off out of that environment. Children will have a much greater chance of becoming abusers or being abused if they witness it and it becomes normal as they grow up. Domestic violence agencies have the law on their side and will do everything in their power to protect you and your children. Even dealing with the pain of breakup can be helped by counsellors and survivors of domestic violence. There are resources available to you, if and when you choose to use them. Join the millions of survivors and it will be the most significant step forward you have ever made!
Each state has their own domestic violence supports in place. To find a comprehensive list of state and national services head to:
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800
Translating & Interpreting Service 13 14 50
National Relay Service 133 677 –
Provides service access for deaf and hearing impaired people 106 (Emergency)
For non-emergency TTY calls – 133 677
By Kim Chartres