Friends with Benefits

March 15, 2005

Friends with Benefits

Monica and Chandler began as friends with benefits
Monica and Chandler began as friends with benefits

I once had a Friend with Benefits. He came along in a period of my life when my faith in the modern man was at an all time low. I?d just been treated appallingly by a guy I?d been dating and decided I was over this falling in love then getting my heart broken by total arsehole business. It was time to take control! Coincidentally, the Renee Zellweger/Ewan MacGregor film Down With Love had just been released, and soon I realised that I too was ?down with love?. Around the same time I ran into an ex boyfriend from long ago and soon, I?d developed our friendship into a ?friend with benefits? relationship!

It was great ? every few weeks we?d meet up at various functions and if the mood was right, we?d?. well go home and shag basically. Next morning, it?s all back to being friends. I was a woman in control of her life ? sex with no commitment, no misguided belief that he?s going to call and no emotional attachment! Life was suddenly so much more productive when you?re not thinking of a man! It?s a relationship some feel should be experienced at least once in a lifetime. But how do you find this mysterious Friend. And how do you turn on the Benefits?

From a quick tally around my friends, there are four types of these special Friends. The overseas visitor, the old friend, the random and, as I already mentioned, the ex. The overseas visitor is an obvious choice ? mainly because of the non-commitment factor. They?re here for a limited time and most want to enjoy it as much as possible, so by default any relationship is going to be lean on the commitment. Colin, 25, met Portuguese Theresa while in a French class last year. They went for a drink after their lesson one week and ? well I don?t really need to explain what happened next do I? Maria was in Australia for two weeks which Colin reasoned was a perfect amount of time to create a Friends with Benefits relationship, ?It was 2 weeks of pure fun. No commitment, no emotional investment, the only problem was her, ahem, screaming!? At the end of the two weeks she continued her travels and he was back to his normal life. The fun hasn?t ended either. He?s hoping to ?catch up? with her when he heads overseas in July.

The old friend is always a convenient Friend with Benefit. The ?safeness? of friendship sometimes means more intimacies are shared, leading to a mutual understanding. 36-year-old Imogen found this with her old friend Jack. ?We used to talk on the phone every week. The conversation would always turn to our sex lives, or lack there of.? Soon a passing comment of ?maybe we should have sex with each other rather than some stranger from a bar? turned into a ?yeah, why not? and before they knew it, Imogen and Jack had arranged to hookup. Now they live on opposite sides of the world and are still great friends. He even paid for an all expenses paid trip to meet up with him in Bali. ?Friends with benefits are great,? enthuses Imogen. ?Just as long as either party is honest about what it is and no one is of the illusion of anything more.?

Friends with benefits part two

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