No ifs, ands or butts about it.
I was 23 when my boyfriend attempted to introduce me to anal sex by taking a different route to our usual one, mid coitus.
“That’s not the right hole,” I interjected.
“Just go with it,” was his response.
So I did. For about an inch. At that point it became abundantly clear my backend wasn’t a welcome host to his visitor. It was about as hospitable as a flight attendant discovering someone who’s ‘accidentally’ wandered into first class. And like that painful walk of shame back to economy, I vowed to never flirt with anal sex again.
But several years later in the throes of passion with a new lover, I did the unthinkable and let him go out back. This time with a finger. And lubricant. And everything changed. Not just because I didn’t have to play the Oscars wrap-it-up music, otherwise known as the fake orgasm (internal monologue: ‘Wind it up, season 9 of Real Housewives is about to start and this has been fun, but I need you to get out of me.’), but because when I did hit O-town, I hit it in multiple places, thanks to the discovery of my new G-spot in Butt Land. I felt like I was on Oprah’s Christmas Special, ‘You get an orgasm, you get an orgasm and YOU get an orgasm! EVERYONE gets an orgasm!’
And there’s a reason for that. The anal G-spot, known as the PS-spot, which stands for perineal sponge, lies roughly in between the vagina and the rectum and just beneath the perineum (that bit of skin between your vaginal opening and your anus) and is a made up of erectile tissue, meaning it has the ability to fill up with blood and become engorged during stimulation, much like a penis does. Yep, you heard it here first. We have secret hide-y penises. So in many ways, anal sex really is an Oprah’s Christmas Special (or that scene from The Crying Game, depending on your world view).
The best way to stimulate it is by pressing it directly with your finger, while using another finger to indirectly press against it through the wall of your vagina, as growing numbers of women are discovering.
According to a study by the Journal of Sexual Medicine, which looked at over 10,400 heterosexual women between the ages of 15 and 44, one in three of us have paid a visit to Butt Land at some point, with 13 per cent doing it in the past year. So despite our ongoing stigmatization of anal sex, and despite what your friends are saying (or not saying), chances are if they’re not currently doing it, they’ve given it a go.
Perhaps most strikingly though, is the fact that according to the research, you’re more likely to be open to a little butt play if you’re an educated high income earner. Other factors that make you a likely candidate for a little sumethin’-sumethin’ in the back include not being religious, being married, having had sex with another woman, and being in your 20s (ticks all round for me).
And if you haven’t tried a little backdoor action, you may not know what you’re missing out on, according to a 2009 study of around 2,000 sexually active people aged 18 to 59 by the National Survey of Sex which found the only method for women to achieve orgasm as reliably as men do (reportedly 91 per cent of the time) is by being on the receiving end of anal sex.
In the survey, women reported achieving orgasm through vaginal sex 67 per cent of the time (while men adorably reported they brought their partners to orgasm 85 per cent of the time…guys are cute), however the same women were able to hit the big O a whopping 94 per cent of the time through anal sex. And while the study only represents a small slice of the population, it’s definite food for thought when you’re tossing up the idea of letting your man take a trip out back.
But (no pun intended) as we’re learning, anal sex is really just the centrepiece in what is a decked-out buffet of the ass, with anal play and annilingus – or the more colloquial ‘rim jobs’ – offering up their own enticements. And if you weren’t convinced the idea of anyone having oral performed on their other orifice could take off, you clearly missed the episode of HBO’s Girls in which Marnie gets “her butt eaten out”, as Lena Dunham put it, by her muso lover.
Thanks to the thousands of nerve endings in and around your anus, the act of having it licked, sucked and nibbled can, apparently, be quite scintillating. But much like comedian Amy Schumer, the idea of tasting anyone’s cake hole immediately conjures the words, ‘This is where your poo comes out’ (if you haven’t seen Schumer’s on-point Milk, Milk, Lemonade video clip spoof, you can watch it here) for me, so this is one Snickers bar I’m personally willing to pass on.
However, if you’re interested, the over-perpetuated urban legends of women having anal or engaging in forms of anal play like rim jobs and defecating on their lovers is just that: urban legend. Provided you bathe or shower before sex, the chance of accidentally transferring poop on your Pooh Bear is slim to none. The parts of your anatomy involved in butt sex are a passageway, not, contrary to popular opinion, a storage facility for your faeces. So provided you’re not constipated and you follow basic hygiene, you are good to go.
Just don’t think because he’s taking your back door contraception is but an accessory. While you can’t get pregnant having anal sex, because the tissue inside your rectum is extremely delicate and prone to tearing, the use of barrier protection (read: condoms) is essential to prevent the spread of STDs, which are more prevalent during anal sex.
Most importantly, never EVER have anal sex or do any butt stuff without an industrial sized tub of lube on hand to ease things along. It will not, I repeat: not, be smooth sailing if you do not. You may feel like you’re preparing for Armageddon, but your orgasm will thank you afterwards. And so will Oprah.