There’s something you need to know…
To the girl fighting for the wrong man: I know you.
I know you because I was you.
I know that your first thought right now is, “She’s not talking about me. My guy is the right guy.”
But deep down, somewhere in the back of your mind, the bottom of your heart or the pit of your stomach, you know this could be you. After all, you clicked on the article didn’t you?
You’re fighting so hard to hold onto this relationship and sometimes you’re so, so tired. Your body is tired, your emotions are tired and your thoughts are tired. You’ve spent so long fighting to keep your partnership alive that your blissful early days should be a fading memory. Instead, they’re the light that’s spurring you on to keep going. If you just push harder, if you hold on longer, if you keep it together you can eventually, somehow, someway get back to that happy place. To that place where the whole world melted away and there was just the two of you, basking in each other’s you-ness.
But how long has it been since this relationship was the relationship of your dreams? Be honest, how long? If you looked at the entire history of you two together, how long have you spent holding on, versus both not wanting to let go? If you look back and can say there have been more troubled waters than calm seas, then maybe, just maybe, you’re fighting for the wrong man.
It’s okay, I don’t blame you, nobody does. You’ve spent so much time together you forget what it’s like to not have him there all the time. I get it, being alone is scary and being in a couple can feel like a safe, warm security blanket. You feel like you’ve put in so much time and effort into making it work, that it would be such a waste to throw it all away now.
But are you throwing in good time after bad? Are you robbing yourself of the chance to move forward because you’re trying so hard just to stand still and maybe stop the world from spinning?
When you’re using up all your strength to go into battle daily, your intuition is your strongest weapon. Pay attention to gut feelings; quite often your body will know what your mind does not. Is he fighting with you? Or is he feasting on the spoils of war while your armour is damaged beyond recognition from the blows?
If he is fighting too, then there’s hope. You both see value in your partnership, enough to preserve it and hold it up high even when it hurts. But if he’s not fighting too… If you’re crossing an ocean for someone who wouldn’t cross a puddle for you… Then he’s the wrong man.
If you search your soul and find doubt, don’t push it down to the depths of your being. Address it. Consult it. Confront it head on. And if in the recesses of your heart you know you’re fighting for the wrong man, don’t be scared.
Be unafraid to admit he’s wrong for you and start the journey to find the man who is right. It will be hard, but I promise you it will be so worth it. Even if you don’t find the guy for you right away, finding yourself and letting go of that daily struggle will be reward enough, I promise you.
By all means, fght hard for the man who would slay a dragon for you. But you have to walk away from a man who lights the flame in your heart, only to let it burn you down to the ground.
Images via tumblr.com and giphy.com.
Comment: How did you realise it was time to stop fighting?