Gym Etiquette 101: Top 5 Crimes Against Humanity

January 30, 2015

Gym crimes against humanity occur suddenly and at random; they should not go unpunished. Just the other day, an overzealous, new young employee startled me by jumping up suddenly, within inches of my face, on the treadmill next to mine.

She then proceeded to – gasp – try to talk to me mid-workout, when I was covered in sweat and majorly fatigued as I was halfway through a gruelling intervals training session. WTF? How very dare she?!

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I looked around and everyone but me had earphones in. What an idiot I am, I thought! I’m being highly sarcastic, of course, but is mid-workout really the time to harass people? Does “walking the floor” ever really retain gym clients?

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For me, the gym isn’t a place to socialise; I get in, go hard (in what limited time I have) and then I go home. I do not want to talk to someone, other than my PT, about my “exercise journey” mid-workout, if ever, actually.

So, in no particular order, here are some common Gym Crimes Against Humanity:

  1. The Grunter: There’s always one, it would seem: the beefed-up guy who has to let everyone know he’s lifting really heavy weights (yawn). Keep your God-awful animalistic sounds to yourself, buddy! This strange breed of gym goer may also often offer unsolicited advice and/or use foul language, including the C-word.
  2. The Show-off: You know the type – the girl who always has to outdo the gym class instructor and/or strut around the gym in full make-up and eye-wateringly tight lycra – ala Adidas’ questionable, new gym leggings (pictured) that closely resemble aluminium foil.gym etiquette, gym crimes, fitness rules
  3. The Hogger: You will meet this strange breed in many a gym: he refuses to share gym equipment and will sit, admiring his own reflection, for hours at a time on one machine – naturally, the one you really want to use.
  4. The Socialiser: This could be either sex, but is usually more commonly a woman: the stranger or gym staffer who loves to share odd intimacies with you at every turn and who expects you to do the same, often mid-workout. And if she’s not accosting you, she’ll no doubt be glued to her iPhone or iPad for the duration of her workout.gym etiquette, gym crimes, fitness rules
  5. The Flirt: I understand some people may meet the love of their life mid-workout, but for me, I don’t want my gym resembling a meat market or nightclub vibe. Take it outside, people! Who wants to get chatted up while they’re drenched with sweat? Eww. Don’t ogle others, or yourself. Gym flirts belong in jail. Too harsh?

What are your gym dos and don’ts?

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