Here’s How To Choose The Perfect Vibrator

June 13, 2017

Because we don’t all get off the same way.

I remember the day I finally mustered enough courage to go into a store to buy my first vibrator – an important milestone for any gal.

The saleswoman was ecstatic she had a vibe virgin and enthusiastically bought over display toy after display toy, turning them on, pressing them to my hand and nose (yes, my nose) and saying things like “feel the power of this one”, “this one has 25 different patterns”, and “this one will get you off in three minutes or less!”

By the end of the whole saga, I’d purchased a (quite expensive) G-spot vibrator, as the saleswoman joked I’d be running into the store the next day to give her a hug to thank her for the amazing orgasms she had now thrust upon me.

I wish I could say she was right.

I’d been so bamboozled and overwhelmed by all of the different options I was given, I’d made a rush purchase, and failed to get a whole lot out of the vibe I’d ended up with.

It turns out that, just like human beings, vibrators come in all shapes and sizes

There are long ones and short ones, thick and thin, loud and quiet, soft and hard. There are bullets and rabbits and eggs and pebbles. Some are realistic, and, if you’re aesthetically minded, they come in all the shades of the rainbow. For the budget-conscious, there’s plenty of cheap and cheerful options, and for those with a little more cash to burn, there are ‘elite’ models with the same status and price tag as a pair of Jimmy Choos.

If you’ve in the vibe market for the first time, choosing which toy will perfectly titillate you to the point of mind-blowing orgasm every time can be hard (no pun intended).

Years on from my first vibrator purchase, I’m far better versed in exactly what kind of toys are guaranteed to get me off: I know I’m more of a clitoral girl, I know what speeds and strengths are up my alley, and I know what sizes and patterns get me there each and every time.

For many women, choosing the perfect vibrator can be daunting and confusing; so to save you from making the same mistake I did, here’s a crash-course in everything you need to ask yourself when shopping for your first self-loving toy, so you can be confident your first purchase will open the door to orgasms galore…

How powerful do you want it?

Arguably the most important factor in weighing up the efficacy of any vibe is the power and speed of the toy. Clitorises have 8,000 super-sensitive nerve endings in them, so having a vibrator that is blow-you-away powerful can, honestly, sometimes be too much.

The first time a boyfriend and I tried to bring vibrators into our sex life, he turned it on full-blast and held it firmly on my clit. I nearly shot through the headboard of the bed and woke up his roommates with my horrified scream.

A lot of vibrators will have different power settings, a variety of speeds, and some even have different pattern variations. The safest bet for first-timers is to opt for a vibe which has both low and high power settings so you can start slow and work your way up the speeds as you get more comfortable using it.

Do you like it hard or soft? 

Vibrators are made with different materials, and while it might not seem like it matters, it definitely does. Most are made from either rubber, plastic or silicone.

A rubber vibe is squishy and is the perfect material for the popular ‘Rabbit’ model first made famous by Sex & The City, because it lets the vibrations travel through the ears, directed at stimulating the clitoris while the shaft of the vibrator works on hitting your G-spot. Plastic vibes are hard and often used for G-spot stimulation because they’re more solid and precise, while silicone is used in premium vibes because it’s silky and warms up quickly for ultimate pleasure potential.

Whichever material you end up using, it’s important to pay attention to what lube you use. For example, silicone lube and silicone vibes do NOT mix, so be careful to read the description label on each bottle when choosing one to pair with your vibrator.

Do you want to go for hours? 

Vibrators are usually powered by batteries, are USB charged, or need to be plugged into a power source.

Battery-powered vibes are the cheapest option, but are often quite loud and the least powerful. A USB rechargeable vibe can be particularly handy, because, let’s face it, no one wants to run downstairs and steal the batteries from the TV remote when their vibe runs out of juice mid-session. They’re also usually pretty quiet, which is a massive plus (especially if you have housemates and don’t want them to know every time you’re masturbating. Awkies).

Vibes you have to plug into the wall are easily the most powerful, but limit where you can tend to yourself because you’ve got to be close to a wall socket. And you can’t dream of going near water. Don’t be fooled into thinking plug-in vibes are old school though; the world-famous Hitachi magic wand is one of these beauties, and it’s still one of the most popular vibes of all time.

Can it get a little wet ‘n’ wild? 

If you do want to have the ultimate relaxation bubble-bath or reach the Big-O while submerged in water, you’ll need a vibrator that’s waterproof. While most vibes are waterproof to some extent (because they’re all going to get a little wet…), there’s a massive difference between completely submersible and just a bit splash-proof.

‘Splash-proof’ means you can clean it with a bit of water and a cloth, but no water should ever get into the electrical parts of the toy, whereas ‘submersible’ means exactly what you think – these babies can be used in water. Think bathtubs, spas, pools, jacuzzies, the shower…

Before you jump in the pool and get to town though, double and triple-check your toy is completely waterproof.

So go forth and buy your perf vibe! And, if you’re buying online, Lovehoney has a handy guide which will help you narrow down your choices. You’re welcome…

Images via tenor.com, giphy.com, tumblr.com. 

Comment: What kind of vibrator do you like the most? 

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