The time has come for women to come.
Women aren’t having enough orgasms.
According to an analysis of over 30 studies performed over the past 80 years, only 25 per cent of women are consistently reaching orgasm during vaginal sex.
Yep, only one-quarter of us are getting our rocks off regularly with our man, who, according to the same studies, orgasms at least 90 per cent of the time – this massive orgasm gap is just a tad unfair, don’t you think?
As well as this, only around half of us can reach orgasm during intercourse at all, 20 per cent rarely come, and five per cent of us, well, never have orgasms, period.
It’s all a bit depressing, really, that so many of us out there aren’t getting to experience the number of amazing, spine tingling orgasms we’re capable of reaching.
But all hope is not lost. Clinical psychologist, sex therapist and author of The Elusive Orgasm: A Woman’s Guide to Why She Can’t and How She Can Orgasm, Vivienne Cass, knows it’s possible for women to teach themselves how to come.
“You need to identify what kind of orgasm difficulty you have and why,” she explains.
“Maybe it’s sexual arousal, because most orgasm difficulties are really difficulties getting highly aroused, or trouble reaching certain kinds of orgasms might be your problem.”
So, if you’re not reaching the Big Oh as often as you’d like, sit down, brew a cup of tea and have a really deep soul-searching session to figure out why your pleasure might be lacking. Maybe you’re not getting horny enough to climax, or maybe your partner has no idea where the clit is.
Whatever the reason, if you want to take a trip down orgasm lane, we’ve got some tips which will have you screaming “Oh, my!” in no time…
Calm your mind
Let’s face it; sometimes you’re just not in the mood, and having an orgasm while you’re stressed out of your mind about Monday’s morning meeting is going to be a pretty hard feat to beat. Life stresses, worries, fears, anxieties, and even the ever-present pressure to have an orgasm in the first place can all jumble together and make it pretty hard to come. Clearing your mind and getting to a place where you feel totally relaxed and comfortable, then trying to have an orgasm will likely do wonders for your sex life and your mental health.
“Take the pressure off yourself,” suggests Cass.
“If there is a rule about orgasms, it’s this: the harder you try to have one, the further away it seems to go.”
So run a bath, pour a glass of wine and play some soothing music – do whatever you can to completely and totally relax and wipe your mind of the day’s worries. And if you do happen to be relaxing by having a nice, warm bath, take a waterproof vibrator into the tub with you and, have a little pressure-free rub-a-dub…
Try this: I Rub My Duckie Bathtime Vibrator
“Orgasm can be so hard to reach with someone else around, but so easy during masturbation,” explains Cass.
This could be due to a number of different reasons, but the most likely is that during sex (specifically penetrative sex) the vagina is attended to, while the clitoris is often forgotten about. And clitoral stimulation is crucial for women who are seeking a fast fail-safe orgasm every time, because 75 per cent of us need it or we’ll never get there.
Unfortunately, a lot of women don’t even know where their clitoris is, let alone how to stimulate it. Luckily, practice makes perfect, so going downtown on yourself particularly with a vibrator you can hold against your clit to get the blood pumping to the area and speed up the arousal process, will not only bring you to Oh Town more efficiently next time you jump in the sack with your SO (incorporate it into your foreplay for a whole lotta fun…), but also teach you what you do and don’t like.
If you’re looking for a more intense orgasm (or multiple orgasms), an oral sex simulator can help you reliably reach climax ion lightning speed, thanks to its ability to engorge the clitoris through gentle sucking action.
Using toys on yourself can be beneficial because the clitoris is so sensitive you can essentially ‘train’ it to respond to different kinds of stimulation, so the more orgasms you have through masturbation, the more likely you’ll be to come from sex as well. Not to mention, most sex toys you use solo can be turned into a team-activity, which brings us to…
Doing it with your partner
Mutual masturbation is a beautiful thing, and if you have a partner, you should definitely give it a try for a number of reasons. Sometimes, because of the layout of your vulva, clitoral stimulation from a penis can be too awkward or hard.
In a survey from Cosmopolitan, 50 per cent of women said their partners nearly got them off, but not quite, 38 per cent said there wasn’t enough clit action, and 35 per cent said there was enough, but all the wrong kind. An easy fix? Bring in some clitoral sex toys.
If you do want to use a vibrator during sex without the awkward factor of working out who holds it and when, a hands-free vibe, which is designed to sit snugly on your clitoris during intercourse, is a perfect choice for couples who want to buzz and screw their way to mutual orgasms.
If you and your partner spend time away from each other frequently due to work or other commitments, an app-controlled sex toy will let your long-distance lover control your pleasure from his phone if he’s in another city on a work trip, or via a remote, if you’re both in the same room. For faster, stronger orgasms, opt for one that stimulates both the clitoris and the G-spot, and can be used during intercourse or incorporated into foreplay.
Try this: The We-Vibe Sync Couples Vibrator
Images via giphy.com, photobucket.com.
Comment: Do you have problems reaching orgasm?
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