Here’s What To Tell Yourself When You Get Dumped Out Of Nowhere
If some jerk just broke your heart, read on…
First of all, let me say that sucks and I’m sorry. Second of all let me call him a right royal bastard for breaking up with you with no goddamn warning.
You’re probably still in shock, I get it. But there are some things you can tell yourself to help deal with the trauma and put you on the path to feeling a lot less crap again.
Everything will be okay… eventually
Whenever someone told me that it was all going to be fine just after I’d had my still-beating heart metaphorically ripped out of my chest I wanted to punch them in the throat. Didn’t they realise my world was ending?! But it didn’t end. Time really did heal all wounds and I eventually felt okay enough to start humaning – and maybe even dating – again. Don’t push yourself to be “healed”, though. It’s a process and it will happen in its own time. But until then…
It’s totally fine to cry
Tear up, bawl, sob your heart out in the bathtub with a glass of wine and a burger if you need. No one will begrudge you your emotions in such a messed up time. You’re hurting and expressing that is a natural part of what makes us human. So cry your ugliest, snot-filled cry for as long as you need to let it out.
Hour-long baths or showers are also okay
As is crying in said shower, because your tears get immediately washed away. Don’t feel like you’ve got the strength to stand? Then don’t. Curl up in a ball at the bottom of the shower (provided it’s mostly clean) and let the droplets of water cascade over you. Yeah, you might feel like a sad sack but feeling the rhythmic pulse of the water hitting your body is actually ridiculously calming.
Friends are important
Now is not the time to worry about whether your shit is bothering your friends. If they’re good friends, they’ll be at your side anyway. If they get the shits with your heartache, then they’re garbage friends and you need to find new ones. Lean on your friends and family in this time. Remember to repay the favour when you’re more emotionally stable.
You don’t want to be with someone who dumped you with no warning
The breakup came totally out of the blue? First of all what an asshole. Second of all, that is not the man for you. That kind of guy is unpredictable and would have had you walking on eggshells the entire relationship. If you genuinely had no warning then this is a master of deception who is excellent at hiding his feelings. Massive red flag. I know it might not feel like it now, but he’s saved you a lot of future heartache.
You can throw out all his shit if it makes you feel better
Look maybe don’t put his prized trophy into the garbage disposal unit, but at the very least you can pack all his crap up and get it out of your sight. Put it all in bags (get a friend to help) and leave it on the front porch if it makes you feel better. This reaction is not crazy or over the top, it’s you doing a bit of self preservation and getting rid of things that might trigger bad emotions for you. It’s okay to get rid of the ghosts asap.
You might still run into him. This is okay
I know you might go into panic mode if you so much as see his smug, deceptive face but it’s okay. If you run into him, tell yourself you don’t have to talk to him, look at him or even acknowledge his existence. You owe him nothing anymore and have permission to act in any way that preserves your own mental health. As long as you don’t do anything illegal, like murder him or whatever.
This loss is a chance for growth
I know you will be feeling a strong urge to roll your eyes at this one but hear me out. Everything may not entirely happen for a reason, but you can learn something from everything that happens. Whether it be not to fall so fast, or trust so quickly, or ignore that niggling feeling in your gut next time, some growth will come from this. And even if you don’t really know what lesson you’ve learnt, one thing you know for sure is that once you’ve had time to recover you survived. You made it. You kicked this break-up’s ass and you know how to do it again if ever you need.
Love hasn’t gone forever, just for now
Just because this relationship ended, doesn’t mean that love has left your life forever. No, you’re not destined to be alone forever or become a crazy cat lady… unless you want to, that is. This pain hurts like a mother, but it is temporary and you’ll more than likely find love again. Not to mention the fact that you have friends and family members who love you and can help you learn to love yourself again.
No one will ever love you as much as you love yourself
So. Act. Like. It. Don’t think that somehow you are less than because someone left you. They’re less than for not giving you any bloody sign something was wrong! Do not listen to the old song “You’re nobody til somebody loves you.” Someone will love you because you love yourself and know your own worth. Be kind to yourself, treat yourself the way you’d treat a friend if they were going through all this shit. You are and always will be your biggest champion so if you can love yourself, others will follow. Love yourself even when it’s hard to. Love yourself even when you don’t feel like you can get up in the morning. Self-care is everything and if you love yourself even when it’s hard to, you will recover.
Images via tumblr.com, giphy.com.
Comment: What’s the best advice you’ve ever heard after a break-up?