How to Increase Pleasure and Cultivate Desire
We’ve created a world where busy means success and it is causing havoc on our pleasure, desires and sex life.
Until we feel so lost and disconnected from ourselves, our partners and life it feels so far away and unimportant.
But we feel it, something is missing and life just feels meh.
Embracing desire, seeking pleasure feels very self-indulgent and unnecessary.
At what point do we realise that this thing we call life goes by in the blink of an eye and we’ve spent most of it chasing this ideal life that never feels content.
There was a moment in time where life was so empty and yet full at the same time, I was lost in parenting, business and life that I had abandoned myself, actually… had I ever really found myself?
The me that wasn’t a by-product of my life experiences?
When we follow the path of desire and open ourselves up to pleasure not only do we begin to have a deeper connection with our partners and ourselves, but life becomes a much more heightened experience and our self-worth and confidence go through the roof.
Life becomes this thing that you melt into and where you feel fully alive, no longer chasing this dream or this endless pursuit of the thing that will fulfil you.
It’s more than sex, a happy ending and a big bang.
We are redefining what it means to be Woman.
A fully expressed, sovereign and powerful person who feels unstoppable and unwavering in life.
Who are you when you completely let go and let life enter you?
How To Increase Desire & Open Up To Pleasure.
1. IT’S ENERGY WE CAN CULTIVATE.
It’s not a thing that just happens.
It’s a discovery,
It’s not a mask you put on,
It’s nothing you don upon yourself.
It’s a feeling state, foreplay is cultivating a feeling state preparing us to get in the mood, however, we can cultivate this energy with or without foreplay and the final act doesn’t have to be sex.
It’s not something that we stumble upon and feel sometimes,
Yet it’s often fleeting.
Classified as unimportant.
I beg to differ.
Think about the last time you felt sexy.
You felt desirable right?
You had lots of energy,
You felt magical,
Like everything you touch would turn to gold,
You knew EXACTLY what you wanted,
THIS IS A FEELING STATE WE NEED.
2. SLOW DOWN
When we get excited we speed up and when we speed up our body tightens, when our body tightens it restricts flow (energy) by localising it and therefore it can’t move throughout your body.
Allow yourself to feel pleasure in everything, the water cascading down your body in the shower, apply lotion to your body, feel it in every step you take.
Close your eyes and breath into your body, slowing down your breath, opening up sound and allowing yourself to feel pleasure, decadence and arousal in the body. You might imagine a fire burning at the base of your womb or light the grows as you build and give your attention over to these feelings.
Do this daily, make it a ritual.
What does pleasure feel like in your body and allow yourself to melt into that?
3. LUST VS DESIRE, INTERNAL POWER & OUTSOURCING POWER.
For too long our sexuality has been suppressed, shamed and stolen from us, sold back to us in fragments, half-truths and guilt.
Everything has power and false power, nothing and no one is exempt from that. Desire is following the path of curiosity, listening to the whispers of our soul and letting life in. We are taught that desire is wrong, dirty or bad, however, it is beautiful, sacred and needs to be normalised.
Lust on the other hand is the outsourcing of power, when we switch from innate desire to lust is when we begin the pursuit of someone or something that is outside of us that we think will make us feel better.
Desire is internal power and lust is the outsourcing of power.
4. KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INTERNAL & EXTERNAL PLEASURE.
Firstly, you can’t outsmart the universe and your body, it knows when you’re genuine or when something is forced and fake.
Get comfortable and take some of those deep breaths in.
Close your eyes and let go of everything that’s brought you here to this moment. Melt into this moment.
When we feel completely melted into the moment, bring to mind a tangible thing you want, something that is outside of you. Notice where you feel it in or on your body, what does it feel like?
This is what external desire feels like.
Now shake that off and tap back into that neutral place within.
Bring to mind something you deeply hunger for and crave, something you want for yourself.
It might be a feeling, a desire, an experience or a calling you have.
Give yourself over to it.
Notice where you feel it, how it feels and what it feels like?
Sink into it.
This is what internal desire feels like and this is the one you want to tap into, trust and live from.
5. CHANGE HOW YOU SEE & FEEL ORGASM
When we look at sex we see foreplay and the orgasm, this is so interconnected to how we see life and our goals. From wanting it to getting it!
There is this beautiful space in between, the orgasm is not the prize or the destination. When you feel your body heighten in intensity and arousal you’ll notice you contract your pelvic muscles, when you feel yourself do this, relax them and what we do here is open up to experience a longer more intense, diverse and potentially multi-orgasmic experience. It may not happen first try, however, continue with it because it will happen over time and it’s well worth the exploration and effort!
Related: 5 Real Life Sex Stories To Get You REALLY Turned On
6. ACTIVATING YOUR EROS (your sensual, erotic love and life force)
Is about melting into life and feeling decadent in all of it.
Why is this even important?
I learned this the hard way and chances are you have as well…
With a history of family and domestic violence, sexual abuse and a ton of grief… and thus copious amounts of sh!t to work through.
When my world turned upside down I thought this life was impossible, I was deluding myself… who I am to think that I could do something amazing in this life, no money, beaten, bruised and broken.
I come from a lineage of abuse, mental illness and talked my Mother off the edge more times than I care to admit. At 21 I felt like I had lived a thousand lives.
We all have moments in our life where we are knocked off our feet and heartbreak is unavoidable.
One day, I woke up and I was empty, I had nothing in me.
I had a super successful business, a loving partner, two kids and all the things that society says we need to be happy. I was not happy.
We can’t avoid life, but we can learn how to suck the marrow out of it and feel delicious in it.
This is life and it all starts with your pleasure.
Renée Mayne is the creator of the School Of Somatic Kink and is devoted to this revolution of Sexual liberation and the awakening of our Erotic Bodies, for us to remember who we really are, because the Intuitive Dominatrix sees, knows, listens and hears all… and she ready to devour all of it. She says, “We do this work not only for ourselves but the generations to follow and finally bring an end to the suppression, shame and guilt women have carried for too long. When we do this, we will restore a union so strong we will worship each other for eons.” An avid writer, Podcaster of The Hedonistic Way, Intuitive Dominatrix, Partner and Lover of 22 years and Mother of two teen girls. www.reneemayne.com.au