What happens when he doesn’t love you back.
We’re all familiar with the seven stages of grieving; shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression, and acceptance. Whether you’ve suffered a breakup, lost a loved one, or slept through your alarm on Black Friday, you can be pretty sure you’ve gone through these unfortunate phases.
However, in my experience, the seven stages idea can apply to your love life, or lack thereof. I don’t mean after a split, or a case of cheating, or of bad habits becoming intolerable. I mean a response to love that is deep, powerful, passionate…and entirely impossible.
What constitutes impossible? Surely that word doesn’t apply to love, the breaker of all boundaries?! Unfortunately, the reality is love can be schtomped by the tyranny of distance, the let-down of a one night stand, the plague of unrequited-ness, or – and this is worse – requited love clearly not destined to manifest because of really God damn poor timing, as in the case of Jelena (who, by the way, I’m still rooting for). So, for your education and enlightenment, here are the seven stages of grieving for impossible love. Now excuse me while I retreat into my bedroom with Bridget Jones’ Diary and a tub of Ben & Jerry’s…
1. Bizarre euphoria
Regardless of how improbable or impossible this relationship may be, you still feel deliriously happy at the prospect. All your wildest dreams feel destined to come true, and all obstacles remain conveniently at the back of your mind…for now. #deluded
2. Feeling like you’re The Sex
After the initial euphoria, you literally feel like you are the effing sexiest person ever to walk planet Earth. Seriously, you’re so hot you could scorch the sidewalk. Work it, girl!
3. Random fits of quiet crying
Then, of course, the distinct issue with your situation (ie: he doesn’t love you back) starts to sink in…but only in a superficial sense. Hence the quiet weeping, which allows you to bounce back, and onto the next stage…
4. Improbable fantasies
Slight slump temporarily banished from your brain, your mind spirals into increasingly improbable fantasies about you and your potential paramour. Everything from a fairytale wedding in a Disney-esque castle on a hill to being rescued from a speeding train by your prince swinging in on a vine, you’ll think of it. Just beware of what happens when your fantasy tank is exhausted…
So you’ve reached your dream quota, and your mind literally feels like it’s run a marathon. Now, for some inexplicable reason, you don’t care anymore. Seriously, just like that, you’ve turned off the feels button. You don’t give a crap about where he is, what he’s up to, who he’s with, what he’s wearing…oh God, your emotions are raw as hell again. Prepare to enter the next phase…
6. Loud crying
Now you really do feel the hopelessness of the situation. All positive energy exhausted, you succumb to the icy cold devastation you’ve managed to keep neatly tucked away in the back of your brain all this time, and man, oh man, does it hurt like hell. Agh, the feels! All of the feels!
So. You know the situation is all but hopeless, and you’re tired of feeling like an ugly wet sock all the time, so you accept it for what it is. This can be hopeful acceptance; maybe sometime in the future you guys will hook up, when the moment is right. Or, it could be tragic acceptance; you know you’ll never be the same again because of the torrid mind games you’ve played with yourself.
At least you’ve got some life experience, and you’ll certainly never let yourself feel that way again…until your next improbable squeeze comes striding through the door, spritzed with Cristiano Ronaldo cologne and wearing a Tommy Hilfiger suit. *Sigh*
Images via giphy.com and gointothestory.blcklst.com.