It doesn’t have to be a solo affair…
Ah, masturbating. Undeniably one of life’s greatest little pleasures and something practically everyone does (or should be doing) on the reg.
Everyone thinks masturbation is a strictly solo act, seen as something people do between partners or when they can’t ‘get any’. But this is totally not the case, explains sexpert and Lovehoney ambassador, Tracey Cox.
“In reality, the more sexually active you are, the more likely you are to masturbate, regardless of whether you do or don’t have a partner.”
So if we’re already masturbating by ourselves, it makes sense to make it less of a lonely affair. Masturbating is actually a really positive and fun thing to do with someone else. It can help break down barriers around your individual sexuality and take your relationship to a whole new level; a mind-blowing orgasm is just the cherry on top. There are so many reasons you should be touching yourself while your significant other watches or lends a helping hand (pun intended), like…
1. It makes things more intimate
How can masturbating in front of your partner be more intimate than sex, I hear you ask? Well, because touching ourselves is still one of the sex subjects we’re too uncomfortable to talk about. Because it’s so hush-hush, taking the leap and doing it in front of your lover can really bring you together. It’s intimate because masturbation is normally ‘just for you’. So sharing that with someone will build a new connection between you, which is a massive plus.
2. It can build your sexual self-confidence
We all want to be sensual goddesses while we’re having sex, oozing sex appeal and being so desirable our partners can’t resist us. And while the idea of masturbating in front of someone might make you feel self-conscious AF, the reality could end up being the exact opposite. Letting your partner see you in such a vulnerable state and having them drool over you while you’re in it can boost your self-confidence, making you feel sexier than you ever have.
“Don’t be concerned if it all seems a bit serious and uncomfortable the first time around,” Cox reassures.
“Start by showing one technique you use and get them to do the same. Later, when you both feel more comfortable, you’ll be more confident and relaxed about bringing yourself to an actual orgasm.” Yes, please!
3. It helps educate your partner
Most people reach the Big-Oh when they fly solo, even if they have trouble getting there during sex. Which is why masturbating for your partner is the perfect way to up your climax potential during intercourse. Actually showing your lover how you get off on your own can tip them off as to what exactly works for you.
“Body language can speak volumes, and talking to each other is essential but, as the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words,” reinforces Cox.
“Watching each other masturbate, you see first-hand what technique you each use – the pressure and speed, how you speed it up or slow it down on approach to orgasm, how you stimulate yourself – or not –while you’re actually having an orgasm and what you do with your spare hand. All you need do then is copy each other.”
4. You can discover new things about each other
Mutual masturbation is the perfect way to find out if your partner likes to be squeezed here or touched there while they orgasm, or whether they like it gentle, or with a bit of pressure. If they usually use toys to get themselves to Oh Town, you’ll find out what ones they use, or if you choose to masturbate together while watching porn, you’ll get to see first-hand the kind of porn your significant other uses when you’re not around.
You could discover they love the faces you pull when you’re close to climax, or you might learn they bite their lip after they finish. Sure, you might notice these things during regular sex as well, but if you’re watching each other touch yourselves, you’ll be a lot more focused on each other from a new angle – the one right in front of you, instead of from above, below or behind (not that those angles aren’t equally hot).
5. It’s a little bit kinky
Keeping things interesting in the bedroom in a long-term relationship can be a bit of a challenge. Sometimes it can feel like you’ve done it every which way and have completely run out of new things to try. This is where mutual masturbation can come in handy, in more ways than one.
If you’ve never tried it, it gives you a totally new experience, and once you’ve started, it can be something to add to your sexual repertoire. You don’t even have to just use hands – it’s the perfect opportunity to introduce vibrators or sex toys into your love life. If you really want to try something kinky, you don’t even physically have to be with your love in order to masturbate with them. If they’re on a business trip, take your bedtime Skype call to the next level, or send a cheeky Snapchat video (provided you trust the person you’re sending it to and know it will be for their pleasure only) to really heat things up.
6. It’s a whole different kind of ‘quickie’
We all have those nights when we’re in bed with our bae and there’s definitely sexual tension in the room. You both want it, bad, but your partner has a really early morning meeting and dawn is creeping closer than either of you would like to admit. The idea of having actual sex is just too much, and you’re both too tired to really give it your all. The struggle is oh-so-real. The solution; masturbate together.
Rubbing one out is quite often quicker than sex, because you know exactly what buttons to push to get the job done quickly. It also requires much less effort, but doing it together will still bring the intimacy and closeness of sex without having to do it. Voila, everyone is satisfied in record time; you and your partner feel closer than before, and you can both drift into an orgasm-induced dreamland, refreshed for work the next day.
7. It’s actually super good for you
Masturbation has tons of health benefits. Whether you go it alone or with your partner, orgasming can help you get a better night sleep, lower your stress levels, clear your skin and leave you feeling on top of the world. As well as being good for your physical and mental health, it will also positively impact your relationship, and it’s a completely safe guilt-free way to Pleasure Town, literally anytime or anywhere you want, including on your work lunch break. There’s really no reason not to do it.
8. It’s a fantasy
Go on any porn website and there’s one kind of video you’ll see over and over again – women tending to themselves. It’s one thing people always want to see, explains Cox.
“Masturbating in front of your partner or watching them masturbate has always been up there with the most popular male sex fantasies – and the new breed of sexually liberated females are adding it to their list,” she says.
And this is one sexual fantasy that couldn’t be easier to fulfill. All you need to make all your partners’ sexual dreams come true is your own body and a little bit of confidence. You’ve got the power.
9. It’s sexy AF
Just picture it; your partner enthusiastically watching you touch yourself – their very own real-life sex show – the very site of which is turning them on beyond belief until they simply can’t resist themselves. Think about how sexy you’ll feel knowing you’re both getting off on each other’s pure pleasure. It’s so goddamn hot, the very act will produce a mental image that will stay in your head, until next time you’re alone and need something to spark your imagination to get you there.
It’s the sexy gift that keeps on giving. And giving, and giving…
Featured image via pixabay.com. Gifs via giphy.com, theravent.com, tenor.com.
Join the discussion: Would you ever masturbate in front of your partner?
SHESAID has been telling it like it is for almost two decades. We're sexy, smart, and just a little bit cheeky. We know women, because we are women.