Office Etiquette

August 14, 2002

Smoking in the office is now officially OUT. But there are sneakier rules that you should watch out for if you want to be taken seriously.

    • Never let anyone call you “darling”, “doll”, “love” or “honey” unless, of course, you work in the fashion industry.


    • No chewing gum. Ever. Unless you’re paid to be a chewing-gum tester.


    • Definitely no long descriptions of last night’s steamy sex session on the office phone and no dirty talk to your partner, even if you think no-one’s listening.


    • No personal calls that reveal too much either, like chatting with a girlfriend about your bad case of dermatitis/thrush.


    • Beware the office toilets. The person locked in the cubicle while you’re gossiping about the boss with a co-worker probably is the boss.


    • If you’re going to steal office stationery, be prepared to be thought less of.


    • Ditch plunging cleavage, see-through blouses, skirts that just cover your butt – or that have splits that go up to there, or anything with VPL (visible panty line). Do wear killer stilettos, however, if that’s your thing. There’s no law against dangerous footwear.


    • Fudging expenses is appealing. Being called in to explain every single dollar is not.


    • Never tell anyone, especially not a colleague or competitor, how much you earn unless they’re the person you’re asking for a raise.


    • Be nice to the errand girl/boy. You’ll meet her/him on the way down.


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