What’s your preference in the bedroom? A mind-blowing orgasm? Or settling under the covers with a nice, challenging crossword? If the good folk at the State University of New Jersey have their facts straight – it seems orgasms are more beneficial for your brain than crossword puzzles.
Tat O’Per couldn’t agree more. The Sydney author, psychologist, counsellor and therapist has documented her findings on men’s and women’s sexual energy for her book The Orgasmic Effect.
A firm believer in how sexual energy can benefit your emotional, physical, and mental health, Tat reveals what every woman needs to know about men; how to channel sexual energy into having a successful business, career and life plan as well as how to keep the passion alive in the face of the mundane, daily grind – and most importantly, tips on how to keep your man from straying. Pretty sure a crossword puzzle won’t help you there.
What do you do as a life coach?
I teach people how to harmonise emotions, by connecting to their body intelligence. I employ my psychology background with my intuitive abilities to enable each one to go to their next step where ever they are on their path.
My studies of religions, including Buddhism, Hinduism, Theosophy, Catholic studies and Yoga, have given me insights and understanding into the human soul and the realisation that there is no religion higher than truth.
This has led me to gain inner strength and inner peace and is a platform from which I teach. I have developed a Life Balance and Relaxation program with techniques to incorporate mind – body rejuvenation. And a seminar “Using Sexual Energy in your every day life”.
How did your work as a counsellor and therapist lead you down this path?
I have always wanted to write about energy, as I felt that there is a missing link to combining it all. People either teach about health, or fitness, wellness programs and healing all separately. Sex is never discussed or the wrong connotations are associated with it, it’s the main topic in movies.
Sexual energy is not really known about on its own, so I decided to combine it when I began to notice how lack of self esteem, was a huge issue with men who brought it into every session when addressing their issues. A common denominator always played a role. I began to document my findings until I realized I needed to write this as a book, to inform everyone of this common problem that interferes with men’s health, and wellbeing and for all of our personal relationships, men and women.
Who is the book aimed at?
Sexual energy is a common factor to both men and women, so I address both men and women. It encompasses techniques and exercises that refer to both and is a great reference book to reference any part of topics you may be interested in. I have made the table of contents accessible by dividing it up for this reason that you can look up any part rather than searching through the chapters.
What are the main things women can learn from your book?
What men don’t want women to know about them and what every women needs to know about men. When a woman learns about that, she is more in control of herself and her relationship on a daily basis.
Women can learn what turns a man on, and why they go seeking sexual relief from outside, and how to prevent this from happening.
How orgasms really work. How to keep their man in order for their man not to go astray. How to recognise baggage we carry so we can be responsible for our own energy rather than dump it on our partner. It opens up for women how to be more aware about the dynamics of their relationship with their man, and the signs to watch for to keep a healthy balanced partnership on track.
How do you define ‘sexual energy’?
Sexual energy is the most powerful tool in existence and is the driving force within us that makes a man do anything. All great men of genius and power used their sex drive as fuel. Love must be included in the sex relationship as sex, alone, is a powerful force and can be uncontrollable. Transmutation of sexual energy is the key to turning sexual energy into productivity, creation, invention and accomplishment. Creativity, advancement, and achievement are the most long term satisfying goals for mankind. When the emotion of love begins to mix itself with the emotion of sex, the result is calmness of purpose, poise, accuracy of judgement, balance, and most of expansion of our true self.
How does sexual energy benefit your emotional, physical and mental health?
The benefits of sexual energy for our emotional and mental health is when you recognise that we have to transform our sexual energy into fuel for something else. Masturbating frequently drains vital physical energy from you. You can see vast, positive changes in mood, personality and happiness by giving this up. The greatest benefit is to have love in your sexual relationship which becomes key to any successful partnership both home and business.
Does sexual energy benefit men and women differently?
Sexual energy is our power energy, this applies to both men and women. We can consciously use our sexual desire and energy and focus it into our business and life plan. Women initially seek to have children and use their sexual energy for nurturing the growing family. Or if she chooses career over family, as long as she has a supportive loving partner, her business can really take off significantly.
Sexual energy is damn near limitless and when re-directed can turn any man or woman into a money making machine.
A good woman who will take care of her man’s needs (not just sexual) – will free his mind from having to even think about these things and he can focus completely on his goal at hand. The love and support of a woman is essential for success – most successful men had a good woman behind the scenes. This rule applies to both men and women in business.
Can you ‘tap into’ your sexual energy at any time?
Tapping into our sexual energy is easily done with meditation a few times a week, also with balanced exercise routine, reviving yourself in nature, and harmonising the body with breathing exercises. I also list exercises in my book on stroking different parts of the body using a love energy that is different to masturbation energy.
How can we improve our sexual energy?
Improving sexual energy is not to indiscriminately have sex. Don’t make sex your primary goal. Don’t masturbate or watch internet porn frequently, this drains vital energy from you. Keeping your seed develops an animal magnetism that draws people to you, constantly spilling that seed repulses people. The key purpose of my book is to draw attention to the beneficial ways that transforming sexual energy actually boosts your health and quality of your relationships. As positive relationships are the major factor that bring happiness.
What are your top tips for women wanting to keep their man interested and not straying?
Remember to thank him for the little things he does around the house. Give him a foot or head massage when he comes home and looks tired. Don’t avoid sexual innuendo’s just ask If he’d like a neck to shoulder massage, as he might just want a relief from tension. Men don’t realize that realising tension is not necessarily from the genitals only, so when he reaches for a quickie ask him if he’d like to have a head massage.
Arrange to take turns to give one another oral. If he is insisting on a quickie, ask yourself if you’d prefer to give him a quickie or if you really don’t mind another woman doing this for your man. If you love your man then a quickie is something part of your relationship that you want to maintain.
How can couples reignite the passion in their relationship? What are some of your top tips?
Reigniting sexual energy does not happen just by going away for the weekend, engaging in some on going activity is what keeps the energy flowing. Activities that bring you pleasure like, ice hockey, ice skating, salsa or ballroom dancing, jazz, hip-hop. Outdoor sporting activity with your sons, bush walking or yoga for yourself. Activities raise sexual energy and actually release negative patterns that come up in our daily life. Try giving one another a regular sensual massage every so often. Celebrate with any occasion by cooking dinner and spoiling your partner with buying special treats, spoilt her/him. Sexual energy is stimulated from the heart and being
consciously aware of it raises your sexual energy energising you body in these simple ways. DVDs on sexual play can work for some people, and even going to week end retreats on exploring your sexual energy, especially when you are both looking
forward to it.
Once you’ve reignited the passion – how do you ensure it doesn’t wane again?
Get into a good habit of having one day of the week where one will give the other what s/he really wants from their partner. It could be just a really good massage, or shoulder, neck or head massage. It could be a sensual massage that ends in some erotica.
Another good habit to get into is to score points, or exchange good deeds, like X3 dishes in a row will give you a shoulder neck and head massage. Washing the car could be exchanged for cooking a nice meal, it pays to be inventive. You can easily come up with some fun scoring ideas. Always look out for going for drives, walks in the forest, country markets together, playing golf or tennis together maybe once a month. Scanning what short holidays may be on offer for things like share accommodation.
What are your top tips for shy folk to discover and act upon what their partners really want?
Going for drives, stopping when on a walk and having a cuddle. Cuddling on the beach or cinema. Making outdoor picnics an intimate affair where its special for just the two of you, so you can become more relaxed with one another and have scope to talk and chat about some fantasy that your partner could be fantasising about and not being brave enough to articulate.
The Orgasmic Effect by Tat O’Per, $27.99 available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Balboa Press.
Monique Butterworth is an Australian journalist specialising in news, entertainment, celebrity and lifestyle. With 25 years experience in the media, Monique’s career started at News Limited in Sydney, working on The Australian, The Daily Telegraph, The Sunday Telegraph and The Daily Mirror newspapers before moving into magazines including New Weekly (now NW magazine), New Idea and Woman’s Day. Monique has worked as a freelance journalist for publications such as NW, OK!, TV Week, Wish (The Australian) and Good Living (Sydney Morning Herald). Monique lives in Sydney with her partner James, their 1-year-old daughter Matilda, James’ teen children Monty, 16 & Ella, 14, their dog Rob Roy, cat Oreo and horse Marty.