Relationship advice: I’m dating a man but can’t stop thinking about his friend!

March 22, 2005

Relationship advice: I’m dating a man but can’t stop thinking about his friend!

Question: I have a little dilemma: I have been with my fianc? for almost 6years and I do love him and he will always be my first love (and my first in a lot other things too). However my dilemma is I can not stop thinking about another, see A and I have our disagreements like all relationships, except I seem to be the only one that apologises and compromises and it has been like that for as long as I can remember. Don’t get me wrong he can be the biggest sweetheart at times but anyway this email is not to help me with sorting out A. I’m writing to see what advice you may have on me constantly thinking of another man, B. We met about a year ago, he is friends with A. What I need to speculate on is: whenever we are in the same room (me & B) our eyes meet and everything else disappears. To me this only lasts for a few seconds however I have been told by a few people that have noticed what’s going on have said that it goes on for a lot longer then a few seconds. This has caused problems with me & A, and for some reason it is now not a problem, he jokes about me wanting to be with B and thinks it’s a joke. IF ONLY HE KNEW!!!!!!!!! How do I explain this: my heart skips a beat when ever I see B and I am constantly thinking about him.
Please help I have no idea where to go from here.
Thank you for taking the time to read my dilemma and I look forward to hearing your response.

Answer: If your fiance is making jokes about you wanting to be with his mate and you can?t stop thinking about this Mr B there are problems in your relationship. It seems to me you have two choices; you either fess up to your fiance, tell him you are attracted to his mate and want to see if the attraction is mutual or you make the decision to stop fantasising about Mr B and pay some attention to working on your current relationship. You say that your e-mail is not about sorting out your relationship with your fiance; I disagree. If you have any serious intentions of marrying your fiance, now is the time to be discussing your expectations and issues. If you are thinking about Mr B rather than your fiance and contemplating what it would be like to be with him, I question your commitment to your current relationship.
Have you spoken to Mr B about your feelings and has he declared his feeling? If not, is it possible that the chemistry you feel between yourself and Mr B is a fantasy? There might be some connection but that doesn?t necessarily mean he is interested in taking it any further and you could embarrass yourself and him. Talk to Mr B before you do anything you might regret. If you find out that you do have feelings for each other, then you have a decision to make and for everyone concerned, make your decision quickly.

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