How Soon Is Too Soon? Dealing With Premature Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation (PE) is the most common sexual problem in men under 40 and currently affects 1 in 3 Australian men. Most men orgasm sooner than they, or their partner, would like from time to time and occasionally losing control is completely normal. For up to 40% of men however, this is a regular occurrence. Never fear, PE is a problem for which there are a variety of treatments to choose from, starting with simple exercises to products that help and even therapy and medication.
PE is defined as reaching orgasm sooner than a man or his partner would like – regularly climaxing 3-5 minutes after penetration. There are many factors that may contribute to premature ejaculation, most commonly these are psychological factors and can include:
- Depression or anxiety – particularly about sexual performance
- Feeling anxious about rejection
- Negative sexual experiences in childhood
- Situations in which you may have hurried to reach climax in order to avoid being discovered
- Guilty feelings that increase your tendency to rush through sexual encounters
- Problems within the relationship
Erectile Dysfunction can also play a large part in premature ejaculation. Men who are anxious about obtaining or maintaining their erection during sexual intercourse may form a pattern of rushing to ejaculate which can be difficult to change.
What can we do?
1. Kegels – or pelvic floor exercises. Yes, women are much more aware of why they should be doing these (read our blog post about why a healthy pelvic floor is essential) but they are equally important for men too.
Here’s how it works:
- In order to locate the male PC muscle, put one or two fingers right behind the testicles. Imagine that you are urinating and try to stop the flow with a quick muscle contraction.
- Flex the muscle regularly. Try to do 10 to 20 squeezes in a set, 2 or 3 times a day. Do a set whenever you’re bored or stationary—like when you’re sitting at your desk or in traffic. No one will be able to see that you’re doing them.
- Squeeze your PC muscle when you feel ejaculation coming on. Once the muscle is strong enough, you should be able to hold it off just like stopping flow when urinating.
2. Masturbation – we all know it’s good for our health (read 5 reasons why). It can also really help with premature ejaculation.
- Start off alone without lubricant using nothing more than your own hand. Each session should last at least 20minutes before allowing yourself to climax.
- Next move on to using lubricant – we recommend using a good quality silicone based lubricant. It’s light, gives great slip and won’t dry out during play eliminating the need for re-application.
- Once you’ve mastered the lubricant, it’s time to move on to something more representative of sexual intercourse. Using a male sex toy that mimics the sensations of a vagina i.e. a Tenga Love Egg, a simple stroker or the more advanced male sex toys like the Fleshlight collection, will provide you with additional stimulation that you can practice with to control your climax, which will go a long way in helping to delay ejaculation with your partner. Be sure to use a waterbased lubricant with all male sex toys.
3. Stop and start method – is a way of training yourself to prolong your orgasm. Practice getting close to orgasm then stopping over and over until you have reached the point of no return. This exercise helps to identify the ‘braking point’ and allows you to recognise this when having sex with your partner giving you a ‘head’s up’ to stop or take a deep breath to avoid climaxing too soon.
4. Changing sexual positions – Believe it or not, some positions can have a negative effect on men suffering from premature ejaculation. Positions that require little muscle tension are best for reducing PE. The missionary position is definitely a no go. Why not try spooning (side to side), woman-on-top or doggy style (from behind) where both partners are on their knees. You may just find the one that works for you!
5. Delay products – there are a variety of products available today that will help to desensitize the penis and in turn help with controlling ejaculation.
- Some condoms contain a small amount of lubricant containing Benzocaine which reduces sensitivity and can help prolong climax. Using condoms can also reduce sensitivity in the penis, so certainly worth a try.
- For couples that prefer not to use condoms, there are various delay products available that can cause the same results. Pjur Superhero Delay Spray is a great option, helping to reduce sensitivity without numbing the penis completely, meaning you can both still enjoy the sensations whilst delaying climax.
6. Tantric techniques – In essence, Tantra offers a way to connect (or reconnect) with your partner more deeply & intimately. Tantra works with your breathing, your energy and yourself to produce love, and pleasure. It can have healing effects on erectile issues such as premature ejaculation.
As with most problems there is usually a solution. We’ve given 6 great ideas to combat early climax that can be tried at home alone or together with your partner. If all else fails, see your doctor who may be able to prescribe therapy or medication.
Miss Tickles, resident Sexpert and Sex Toy Party Princess at Tickle and Delight, along with her titillating team, travel the country bringing Sex-U-Cation to the women of Australia and New Zealand in the privacy of their own homes, surrounded by friends, where they can laugh and learn together. Find out more by booking your party at www.tickleanddelight.com