I’m A Strong, Confident Woman. But I Let Men Use Me.

May 15, 2018

I pride myself on my self-confidence. Except when it comes to men. 

I’m a strong and opinionated woman; but when it comes to men, I tend to be a bit of a doormat.

Thanks to what I can only describe as a primal desperation to keep hold of what little dignity I have left, I put up with ludicrous behavior because I don’t want to seem like a bunny boiler. At the time I say nothing, so as to not make a fuss, but afterwards, I kick myself for not having the guts to defend my honor (or lack thereof).

As a result, over the years, I’ve had several dubious run-ins with questionable suitors. Here are just a few of the abhorrent assholes I’ve encountered to date…

The Post-Coital Critic

A one-night-stand felt it appropriate to critique my pubic hair immediately after we finished.

What right did this cretin have to commentate on my body? It was rude and entirely unnecessary, considering we’d already done the deed and would never see each other again. Just shut up, spoon me for the appropriate amount of time (four to seven minutes) and leave.

Still, out of sheer awkwardness, I just laughed it off and said nothing.

The Ex

An ex had been trying to hook up with me for a while. Eventually, we were both the right amount of drunk at the right (or wrong) time. Afterward, he casually told me how good his relationship was with his new girlfriend. Not like him and me – no, it was “actual, real love”.

I won’t lie, it hurt.

I was taken aback by how brazen and cold he was. This was someone I had been intimate with for a while. The nice, fuzzy, post-coital cuddle time I had grown accustomed to had suddenly been replaced by a sobering bitch-slap of truth.

Regardless, I said nothing (despite the fact that his genitals were pressed against my naked buttocks at the time).

The Best Friend

He had the first meltdown, claiming he was scared and confused. Scared because we were friends and confused because he’d been casually seeing someone and it was just starting to get serious. He liked us both.

Now I’m not a big fan of fighting for someone’s affection (or letting myself be vulnerable in any way, shape or form) so I stepped aside. But about a week later, I too had a meltdown. By this point, he’d decided to make a go of it with the other girl. He gave me a patronizing speech about how he shouldn’t have flirted with me or led me on over the years (I had no idea he was doing so, but let’s not let reality get in the way of a man’s ego).

Over the next few weeks, when he wasn’t getting drunk and crashing in my bed (no funny business of course), he would seek my advice on how to impress his new girlfriend and ask me what to cook for her on date nights. I should have said, “Do you really think I’m the person for this task considering I just told you that I have feelings for you?” But alas I did not.

As always, I remained mute.

The Vacation Fling

I met a guy traveling and we quickly began a vacation fling. On our last day together, I got talking to another girl in our hostel. We got on really well and when my man-friend joined us we went to grab some food together. At this point, he thought it appropriate to completely ignore me and crack on to my new friend.

Watching the person you’ve been hooking up with putting the very same moves on to someone else (while you’re still hooking up) is all kinds of horrible. It was a gut-punch because I kind of liked the guy but also, because our friends knew we’d been hooking up, it was just plain humiliating. It felt like I’d been whacked in the stomach with a baseball bat.

Again, I said nothing. I slept with him one last time once she had left, even though I could see that they were texting. Not my finest hour, but at least he didn’t criticise my pubes, so I guess that’s kind of a win, right? 

The Common Denominator

At the end of the day, perhaps the biggest asshole of all is me. I’m the common denominator here, and I’m the only person who can draw the line on what’s acceptable.

I’m not advocating physical violence or a plate-smashing, banshee-esque public meltdown, but maybe sometimes it’s OK to stand up for yourself, even if it causes a scene or makes you look like a bunny boiler. Because really, what’s the point in saving face if you lose your self-respect in the process?

Image via tumblr.com.

Comment: Do you relate to this? Do you stand up for yourself when it comes to men you’re attracted to?

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