A-womans-guide-to-sex

Unlocking The Secret Of Sexual Scents

If you are always on the look out for new ways to improve your sex life, you really need to be in on the secret of sexual scents. Those in the know have been sniffing their way to great sex for years and it’s about time you joined them! Much like gender specific pheromones which attract the opposite sex, different fragrances, aromas and scents do much the same thing and are well known natural aphrodisiacs.

It’s important to know the basic science behind scent and sexual enhancement to make it work best for you. Particular scents provoke memories. This is because these systems in our brains are interconnected. It’s the memories which can put us in a positive or negative mood. If a woman is in a positive mood, she becomes more receptive to attraction and advances. Simple isn’t it. The same can be said of men, plus some scents promote blood flow which improves sexually physical responses, like erections. Obviously it’s much more involved, but that’s the basics.

Now, before we go into which smells are recommended, please keep in mind that a bulk of the research is out of the USA. This may explain why Pumpkin Pie seems to rate so highly. If studies were confined to Australians smells like the beach maybe more prevalent. That’s why understanding the science can help you tailor particular aromas which work better for different people.

First up we have a gender divided chart created by Dr Alan Hirsch, a neurologist and psychiatrist. He operates the Smell & Taste Research and Treatment Foundation in Chicago and also developed the science of aromachology, which is the study of how odor impacts mood and human behavior.

For women, Hirsch recommends the following scents in order of potency:

Licorice or cucumber

Lavender or pumpkin pie spice

Baby powder and chocolate

Women’s perfume

For men, Hirsch recommends the following scents in order of potency:

Lavender and pumpkin pie spice

Licorice and doughnut

Pumpkin pie spice and doughnut

Orange

Lavender and doughnut

Licorice and cola

Licorice

Doughnut and cola

Buttered popcorn

Cranberry

Now, Hirsch is an American researcher. Notice the items on these lists are related to his culture which may provoke positive memories as well as enhance blood flow? It’s not that his list isn’t valid to Aussies, but be mindful of how scent effects memories, emotion and sex.

Below are more generic scents which can be found world wide. If you are after a particular sexual response like assistance maintaining an erection or making sex last longer, use these specific scents and try them out.

Black pepper

Black Pepper is meant to increase stamina and strength. Great for anyone wanting their man to last longer.

Clary sage

It has a musky, woody, sweet scent which is especially helpful for women with sexual dysfunctions such as low libido, as it reduces anxiety, increases energy and desire. It’s sexual healing properties, are also used for men.

Frankincense

A spicy wood aroma, this scent mimics sex hormones and therefore has powerful aphrodisiac properties. It is also known to relieve anxiety and depression. Often depression can reduce libido, so having this scent around should help.

Ginger and cinnamon

Spices which produce a heat when you eat them, often increase vitality and libido. Plus, a small drop of cinnamon on the genitals can induce sexual stimulation.

Jasmine

Is a strong scent which invokes strong emotions, strength, warmth, lasting affection and connection.

Lavender

In every sense lavender is a winner. It reduced anxiety which can lead to performance anxiety and decreases blood pressure. Like rose, it has properties which produce positivity and it excellent for both men and women.

Lime

Awakens the senses, opens communication channels, eases anxiety, adds a lightness in the air.

Musk

Musk is likened to testosterone, so it’s a winner with the ladies.

Patchouli

Some people liken patchouli to snuggling in the forest or the scent of the sixties. If you are from that era, it might evoke some strong memories of the free sex days to light your fire! It has a deep sweet earthy scent , which will be more popular for the ladies.

Peppermint

Much like the effects of Lime, providing a lightness in the air, but peppermint is so much better! Pure peppermint is essential, because anything else will have little effect.

Rose
The smell of roses makes a person feel positively, soothed, calm and relaxed. Therefore, they are offered as an aphrodisiac. Men have been bringing women freshly picked roses for centuries and now you know why!

Sandalwood

This is more of a man’s scent and has been proven to work wonders with impotence and anxiety. It is also said to induce sexual urges.

Vanilla

For men and women. It is calming, soothing and relaxing, which removes tension and lowers inhibition.

Vetiver

Is similar to patchouli with a hint of lemon. It has a very strong scent which can produce powerful emotional reactions and has properties which can remove the sense of fear. This is excellent for anyone who has experienced sexual trauma.

Ylang ylang

Is a powerful aphrodisiac. It increases libido, energy, attraction, emotion and reduces anxiety.

Image via imagini.teotrandafir.com/2014/08/Top-parfumuri-de-barbati-care-le-innebunesc-pe-femei.jpg

November 13, 2014

Sultry Striptease Minus The Giggles

Did you know women who can do a strip tease for their partner generally have much better sex? Why is that? Well, it’s all about confidence. When it comes to women and sex, confidence is a major turn-on.

Instead of clothing tips, dancing or music selection, let’s get right down to the things which have prevented you from being confident enough to strip for your partner. The first one will be the hardest and once you’re past it, you’ll be well on your way to tweaking it anyway you like. Do we really need to tell you what to wear and what music to dance to? No, that’s all personal choice.

Below are some tips to overcome some of the most common barriers to the sexual confidence you’re looking for. Remember: All sexual behaviour starts with your brain.

Anxiety

For a lot of women, sexual anxiety is a problem. I’m not talking about being unable to perform any sexual act, but about the ones which require you to go outside your comfort zone. The first thing you need to do is recognize where the anxiety is coming from. It may be about swapping roles from nurturer to sexual being or about your body image. Whatever it is that is holding you back from being a confident sexual being, you need to wrap your head around it. Only then, will you be able to confidently perform that elusive strip tease.

Madonna vs whore

Now, most women have had it drummed into them that they aren’t sexual beings. The ones who are sexually confident are labelled whores. Then there’s the Maddona – pure, holy and non-sexual, the type of women which men want to take home to their family and marry. This is societal teaching. Plain and simple.

In reality, women can and should be both without the labels or feeling bad about their sexuality. Plus, men want their women to be sexual beings, but want it to be exclusively for them to witness and appreciate. It’s enough to screw with any woman’s head!

If your anxiety is coming from this type of mentality, you need to work through it. Exposure therapy is used by psychologists with a host of behavioral changes. Do one small progression forward each time you have a sexual encounter, until you reach the goal of performing a strip tease. Begin with sexual acts which are in your comfort zone. Gradually extend it to acts you find a little less comfortable, until you reach a point where the leap from being totally anxious about a strip tease isn’t so gigantic. The more you practice a particular behavior, the easier it gets.

Body image

Body image can affect a person’s sex life significantly, according to Dr. Stephanie Buehler, psychologist, sex therapist and author of Sex & Passion: The Essential Guide. There’s no single defining reason and usually several factors combine and cause poor body image.

Buehler has some tips to improve body image which include:

  1. Focus on what you like about your body, rather than what you don’t like.
  2. Look at yourself as a whole, rather than individual pieces in a mirror.
  3. Exercise and move your body regularly. Recognise its function rather than focus on its appearance.
  4. Understand media representation of people is generally unrealistic. Take notice of regular peoples different shapes, sizes and appearances.
  5. Replace negative self talk with positive self talk. For example, “I have nice eyes, rather than I have a flabby stomach.”

Improving your body image can be a challenge, but it is achievable. If you don’t feel confident with your body, you really are missing out on an awesome sex life. Is it worth it? Absolutely not. It’s the thoughts that run around in your head that you need to take charge of.

If you need help achieving this, go and see a counselor or sex therapist. They will have plenty of strategies to help you be more confident, explore your sexuality, connect better with your partner and strive for a more fulfilling sex life. What do you have to lose? In this case, nothing but your clothes!

Good luck and happy stripping.

Image via http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-and-strip-tease.png

November 12, 2014

Book Review: A Woman’s Guide to Sex,Optimism & Surviving

There are some things in life that you have to learn the hard way – through experience, trial and error or just plain making a mess of it. For instance, do you know how to throw a punch? Ask your for a raise? Or possibly one of the most important questions of all – do you know how to get a great haircut every single time? If you answered no to any (or all) of these questions, never fear. Helen Hawkes is here. Her book SOS: A Woman’s Guide to Sex, Optimism and Surviving the 21st Century is the perfect how-to guide for the modern woman. If you want to find a date in a foreign city, change a tyre, dump your partner, or survive office politics, this handy guide will see you throughSheSaid chatted with Helen Hawkes about living your life and surviving the 21st Century

How did the book come about?

The book came about because I realised that I’d had to do a whole lot of things myself and that no one had ever told me how to do them. I thought “Wouldn’t it be great if there was some kind of guide that actually told you things that your parents might not have told you – how to get a raise, how to dump a boyfriend.” I don’t remember my mum ever having given me a talk about how to get a raise. Having done all those things myself, I thought it would be a good idea if I put the things I know into a book and then I’d go to other experts – and you’ll see them in the book – and get them to share their knowledge on their specialty.

I think women spend so much time working on making the relationship work. If they put all that energy into making their own lives work and being happy, we’d be in a much better place.

What’s the secret to surviving the 21st Century?

Belief in yourself. It depends on what sort of field you’re in or where you live but it’s a pretty tough place for women still to nurture their dreams and their ambitions, to really value themselves. Because people always try to put you down, or say you can’t do it, or it’s not possible. You’ve just got to dig your heels in.

In day-to-day life, earning your own money, possibly trying to find a successful relationship, and just being happy, that’s all stuff the requires enormous energy and a commitment to really believing that you can. I don’t think it’s easy for women today. I think we’ve got a lot more advantages than we used to but it’s still tough.

There are still a lot of male dominated professions where women. If you’re in a job where it’s the men that are getting the fun jobs or the higher salaries, you’ve got to go in and say “I can do that job!” or “I want more money” and that’s hard to do.

Is there any one thing you think is particularly challenging for women these days?

Relationships. Women have got so much more now – an option to work – if they want – they still have the option to have children. And somehow we’re supposed to miraculously combine that with a high-powered career and still maintain a house and be, supposedly, a great cook or a demon in the bedroom, or whatever.

All my single friends say they’re fussy. The truth is that they are because they’ve got everything themselves and they think “How am I going to get a man to fit in with that?” or “How am I going to have a successful relationship?” it’s really tough. They want men that can communicate, and that are sensitive and all that stuff and yet they want men that can earn a good living and also be manly. It’s a really difficult combination.

August 20, 2002