Everything you need to know about playing in the backyard – Your Anal Sex Questions answered
And, no, we’re not talking about hanging out the washing.
We recently had a fair bit of interest in an article posing the question: can women enjoy anal sex? The feedback we received indicated that this is an interesting topic and a couple of people were keen to offer advice.
It seems they felt we should have gone a bit further and provided some extra information; not only about if anal sex can be enjoyed, but about how to enjoy it as well. I thought these were pretty interesting, so I’ve included their responses below.
I’ll begin with some feedback fromThe key thing is preparation/foreplay and LOTS of lube. Try small ‘plugs’ first (most adult stores carry a ‘kit’) to get her ready for the actual act.
“It can be pleasurable for both. Once past the opening, there’s not much side sensations as vaginal. Take a paper towel, tube to measure yourself to see just how big/wide you’ll be and then you’ll have an idea (it also elicits LOTS of giggles/laughter for both). Most adult toy stores sell kits to work up to the act. Foreplay and preparation is key to both partners’ pleasure.”
Okay, so preparation, foreplay and lots of lube is the recommendation here, which is great advice. Therefore, I’ll go into a bit more detail about what sort of kits and lube are available.
Anal Sex Aids
The image pictured below is a trainer kit for people wanting to give it a go. There’s heaps of different varieties and some, like this one, has an instructional video.
Now, for those of you who have just had a chuckle and are possibly thinking: “seriously, an instructional video? Can’t you just wing it and work it out for yourself?” Of course you can, but that’s often when anal sex can be a little painful for women. And sorry guys, but the first time she’ll be open to the possibility will probably be the last time. There’s more to it than vaginal sex, especially if you really don’t know what the heck you’re doing.
So, if you aren’t exactly an expert about what’s supposed to happen down there, it’s been recommended that you at least have a sneak peak before you just lube up and go for it! Now speaking of lube, there’s a few different types, and given that they can react with condoms, it’s essential to know what sort of lube is preferable. And yes, I did just say condoms. Unless you are in a long-term relationship and 100 percent confident that it’s exclusive, ALWAYS wear a condom.
So back to the lube. What’s the best sort? If you need to use condoms, then a latex compatible lube is essential. That’s something like a water-based variety. Sex stores recommend something plain rather than scented to reduce the chance of irritation. It’s also highly compatible with other sex toys like butt plugs and beads and it’s slick rather than sticky.
If couples aren’t using condoms, then try a silicone based lube instead. It apparently feels better and is easier to clean up than water-based lubes. There’s heaps of different varieties, specifically for anal sex. Manufacturers have identified that there are different requirements than lube for vaginal sex, so investing in a specific anal sex lube is highly recommend.
Another comment from our previous article was from“You should add to this an explanation or link on how to perform anal sex. Most women wouldn’t know about the shape of the rectum, moving past the sphincters…” Okay Ingrid, fair point. Let’s look at those anal sphincters so women have a better understanding of how anal sex can be made to feel more enjoyable.
Relaxing the anal sphincters
Women’s Health magazine spoke to sex expert Jessica O’Reilly recently, who said: “Wait until you’re very close to orgasm before introducing new sex acts—like anal penetration—into your routine…When you’re aroused, the hormonal changes in your body have a palliative effect and help you to relax and experience pleasure more profoundly.”
That makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it? She then went on to talk about the anal sphincters and this is what she had to say: “These ring-like structures control what goes in and out of your butt, so you need to become familiar with their functioning and learn to exercise control over them. When you’re in the shower or touching yourself, try sliding a lubed-up finger inside as gently and slowly as possible, and allow your sphincter muscles to contract and release.”
O’Reilly then went on to talk about breathing and how holding one’s breath can interfere with muscles including relaxation, which is essential for anal sex. O’Reilly suggested breathing deeply so that the inner sphincter muscle will relax enough to facilitate penetration. It’s important to get a good breathing rhythm happening or you could inadvertently tense up upon anal insertion.
For women to really enjoy the experience, using toys or having some manual stimulation of the vagina going on while having anal sex is essential. Use toys along the lower/back wall of the vagina, located just between the cervix and the vaginal wall. Vibrating pressure here is said to be the sweet spot and is where women are most likely to reach orgasm during anal sex.
So, I hope we’ve given you all something to think about and thanks for the informative comments we got on this topic. If anyone has anything else to add, we’d love to hear from you in the comments below!
Images via Women’s Health, Adameve.com
Women who’ve had anal sex tend not to discuss it – therefore, the female perspective of anal sex is quite obscure. Add in the fact that anal sex features predominantly in pornography, it seems understandable that many women would view this particular sexual act as highly derogatory.
I chatted to four liberal minded ladies about their experience of anal sex and three out of the four agreed that in the right environment and with the man they loved, anal sex could be quite pleasurable. From this discussion it seemed there were a number of variables which added to their enjoyment, so I posed some questions to these ladies to find out more about it.
Firstly, most women would be weary of pain associated with anal sex, so from your experiences would you say anal sex hurts?
The overall consensus is that anal sex shouldn’t be painful. Apparently it is an unusual sensation, however. One women said that having anal sex wasn’t exactly pleasant, mainly because she becomes exceptionally tense and therefore her body fights against the experience.
The other women agreed about this factor and the initial experience of anal sex, and all said that being relaxed was essential. They went on to say that foreplay contributes to a major part of their enjoyment and likened the pain of anal sex to “dry vaginal penetration” but more intense if failing to first prepare the body.
Still on the topic of pain, does penis size make a difference?
Only one of the ladies had engaged in anal sex with more than one partner and apparently she believed penis size did make a big difference. Her first partner had a significantly larger penis and this did increase the level of pain. Another lady said that she had used a vibrator anally which was smaller than her partner – she preferred this and agreed that penis size probably would make a difference.
I suppose the biggest question is: can women enjoy anal sex or is it something women do for their man’s pleasure?
One lady participated specifically for her partner’s pleasure, and although she didn’t oppose anal sex, she wasn’t very keen on it. I went on to ask her more about this and she said it was an unusual sensation which prevented enjoyment.
On the other hand, the other three ladies did enjoy it. Interestingly, each of them used additional lubrication and vibrators to stimulate the vaginal region during the anal sex. They also felt positioning was an important factor, with some positions making penetration more intense which can be uncomfortable for women.
Seeing that the ladies brought up the topic of positioning, I asked which were most enjoyable from a women’s perspective:
The spooning position was popular among the three women who enjoyed anal sex and interestingly, the lady who wasn’t too keen said her and her husband had only tried doggy style. The other women said this position makes penetration more intense and suggested spooning as an alternative if she opposed the sensation. Another popular position was the woman on her back on a higher surface and the man either standing or kneeling.
Finally, do you think anal sex is something woman should try?
Surprisingly, each of the ladies I spoke to said yes to this question – even the lady who wasn’t too keen. I zoned in on her specifically and asked her why. She went on to say that even though it wasn’t up her alley (so the speak), it was another level of intimacy her and her husband shared. This was why she indulged her husband’s desire and in turn he would perform other sexual acts which she knew weren’t his favorites.
Now, I don’t know if that’s a recipe for a great relationship, but it works for them and they’ve been together for over a decade. Each women did mention that having anal sex wasn’t something that they ever thought they’d consider, let alone enjoy. The key to trying something new relied heavily on feeling at ease with their partner.
Image via healthtap.com
Welcome to P-spot 101, ladies. P is for pleasure, plus P-spot or prostate gland! Did you have fun hunting for your G-spot last week?
The fun continues, only this week it’s your man’s turn; let’s locate his all-important erogenous zone – the P-spot – with the help of Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured). Dr Mars – who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being – says finding the P-spot is not dissimilar to hunting for your G-spot.
The male prostate gland, which is a hotbed of nerve endings guaranteed to drive him wild, is said to be located about three-quarters of a finger-length inside his anus. “It’s not so different to finding the G-spot on a woman in some ways. In and up towards the belly!” Dr Mars says. “It’s a bit further in than the G-spot – around the second knuckle for me – but I have long fingers.
“You’re looking for something quite firm, about the consistency of a medium steak.” Hmm, speaking of meat – how do we women incorporate P-spot pleasuring into our sex play? “Women can insert fingers or sex toys into the anus,” Dr Mars says. “However, there is another way: in Norwegian and Afrikaans Tjommie (“chômmy”) means ‘best friend’. It’s also slang for the perineum.
“I think that’s kind of interesting because becoming intimate with the perineum is one way to extend and enhance sexual pleasure. It’s a non-confrontational way to have fun with the P-spot.
“There’s a little indentation you can learn to play with and if you do it right you can multiply, extend, delay and generally play with a man’s sexual pleasures.
“Be aware that it is possible to press too hard!”
If you want to experiment with couples’ sex toys, Dr Mars says there’s a huge number out there specifically designed to pleasure his ultra sensitive P-spot. But, as always, the clever and astute sexologist wants us to feel our way first, in order to better our sexual knowledge and prowess. “There are heaps of sex toys available for the P-spot,” Dr Mars says.
“Personally, I think it’s important to go and have a look and invest some time and money and get it right. There are a lot of novelty toys out there that don’t quite do the job.
“For first timers, I suggest something small and silicon. Go to a good girl-friendly store like Max Black in Sydney or D’Vice in Melbourne or New Zealand and talk to the girls in store.
“You can also ask someone who knows about P-spots to take you to a sex shop.”
Interestingly, Dr Mars says we can’t examine men’s P-spot without also looking at what impact their sexual identity has on this anal pleasuring. “The prostate is easily accessible through the rectum, so straight away people think of gay men. But gay men don’t have anal sex because they are gay,” Dr Mars says. “So, anal sex is gay! Even though we know this is logically untrue.
“There isn’t a switch in gay men’s bottoms; they have anal sex because it feels good. Unfortunately, this has limited many ‘straight’ men’s sexual pleasure.” Dr Mars’ own research for a dating site AdultMatchMaker.com.au saw some 7631 answer a sex survey. Up to 25 per cent of respondents said they were bisexual and another five per cent said they weren’t sure of their current sexual orientation. “That’s a long way from the one and two per cent recent census estimates for gay and bisexual people,” she says.
“I think Robbie Williams is right, as per his lyric: ‘Everybody Swings Both Ways’ [from Swings Both Ways] or at least the sex-interested segment of the population is highly likely to.” So, rather than looking at anal sex as something only enjoyed by gay men, Dr Mars says we must also remind ourselves that women enjoy it too. “Let’s take a look at the gay myth,” she says.
“All gay men don’t like anal sex. Some women like anal sex and anal sex can be a fetish or a fantasy that makes people feel turned on, but they never actually want to do it. So, the gay taboo is based on a myth.”
Dr Mars says another reason P-spot play is frowned upon or taboo is because of the potential for mess. But she has the solution. “It’s nothing enemas and latex gloves can’t fix! And when you go exploring, don’t forget the lube!”
Images via health24.com, dreamstime.com and flickriver.com