For anyone still carrying grudges.
Whatever you’re feeling right now is okay.
Being mad at someone who’s dead is the definition of impotent rage.
A staggering 85 per cent of women with a menstrual cycle have at least 1 symptom pertaining to Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) or Premenstrual Tension (PMT). This is according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. With such a high number of women experiencing some indication of PMS, it’s important to be aware of what yours are and if they are serious enough to seek medical help.
Symptoms usually present 1-2 weeks prior to menstruation and may continue until the commencement of your period. Each woman is different. Symptoms can present in isolation or in combination. They may be physical, which includes the following;
- Acne or outbreak of pimples
- Stomach problems; such as bloating, diarrhea or constipation
- Feeling tired and worn out
- Headache or migraine
- Joint or muscle pain
- Swollen or tender breasts
- Appetite changes or food cravings – chocloate is popular
- Weight fluctuations
For many women, emotional changes are common. These not only affect the individual, but can have a significant impact on their relations with others. The most common emotional symptoms include:
- Tension, irritability, mood swings, or crying spells
- Anxiety or depression
- Trouble with concentration or memory
If you have identified one or more of these symptoms; treatment is available. There isn’t a one size fits all solution, so working out what assistance is best for you, is recommended. Lifestyle changes, medications and alternative therapies may be a viable solution.
A healthy lifestyle, will not only assist PMS symptoms, but will improve your overall health and well being.
- Exercise at least 3 times a week
- Eat healthy and avoid salt, sugary foods, caffeine, and alcohol, particularly when experiencing symptoms
- Try to get 8 hours of sleep each night
- De-stress, such as gardening, yoga, meditation; whatever works
- Throw the cigarettes away! You know they are slowly killing you
Pain relievers, reduce pain. Loads of women avoid pain meds, but the stress which pain can place on the body, can often override any health benefits of avoiding medications. It’s very much a personal choice. Some PMS associated pain is due to inflammation, cramps, headache and backache. Meds, which reduces these symptoms include ibuprofen, ketoprofen, naproxen and asprin.
Vital vitamins and minerals are lacking in many busy peoples diets. Multivitamins are a great source for all round extra protection. For combating PMS symptoms: vitamins D, B-6 and E are all effective. Folic acid, magnesium and calcium are also recommended.
If you find that you’ve made some changes and your symptoms are still apparent; you will need to visit your GP. The GP, will ask you to track your symptoms. Using a simple PMS tracker will help the GP establish if you have PMS and if it’s mild, moderate or server. Only 3-8 percent of women have severe PMS; known as premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). For these women, PMS is severe and disabling.
Most women will have a very mild to moderate indication of PMS. Avoid suffering in silence. Most treatment is relatively simple. So, come on ladies; what do you have to lose?
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We all lead very busy lives and stress compounds when we have to fit additional commitments into our already busy schedules or worse commit our valuable time to tasks that leaves us feeling unappreciated.
Imagine how different life could be if you understood why you say yes (when you want to scream “no”) and only agreed to commitments that make your heart sing?
1. Why we say yes
We’ve been programmed to say yes in order to keep the peace. These automated responses were instilled in us from our well-meaning parents who conveyed that it’s wrong to hurt the feelings of others. I’m sure we can all remember words rabbited over time such as “don’t hit your sister,” “don’t be selfish – can’t you share that” or “I don’t have time for this or that.” Over time we shut down our own emotional needs in order to keep others happy. Over time stress compounds as we struggle under the weight of agreeing to these requests.
2. Have good boundaries
People who have good boundaries normally have no trouble saying no. They understand that their happiness is paramount in their decision making process. They also possess the necessary skills to communicate “this is how I like to be treated and that I matter.”
Boundaries can be as simple as:
I like it when…
I do not like…
I will never…
I hate it when…
3. Stop the automatic yes
When a request comes your way here’s a simple trick that will stop the automatic yes from tumbling out.
Simply pin your tongue, to the roof of your mouth and take a deep breathe.
This short lag not only prevents your old conditioning from kicking in ( by saying yes) and will allow you time to assess your true feelings.
4. The decline – thanks but no thanks
Stress comes into play when you say yes then spend the next hour or day thinking up an excuse (which is really a lie you tell yourself) in order to negate the offer. Wouldn’t it be easier to just say no in the first place?
If a request comes your way and you’re unsure of your decision use a delay tactic such as: I need to check my diary, with my husband or the kid’s schedule.
If you then decide that the request is not for you, tell the person straight away. Use:
- Thank you for your kind offer but that’s not for me
- Thank you for your offer but I have something else on
- I hope you have a great time but the invite does not interest me
The person may be disheartened; and this is where you need to stay strong. Guilt will make you feel like you need to justify your actions; however this is not something you should do. Once you start to respond it can be like opening a door and allowing the other person to enter. This is where they’ll pressure you to change your mind. Being firm with your response closes that door-end of discussion.
5. What if they become upset?
Did you know your memories have emotions attached to them? When a memory is jogged the attached emotion surfaces and triggers our actions or reactions.
When someone becomes upset understand that it’s their emotion (they may be feeling rejected) causing their actions (being angry with you.) It is in no way your fault. However you can help them by reassuring them that your decision does not mean you do not care.
A true friend would understand without the need to make you feel guilty, family on the other hand are another story and staying strong may be much harder.
6. The catch up
If you sense that someone is hurt by your no (remembering it’s their emotions making them feel that way) offer a catch up. A catch up shortly afterwards is a great way of showing you still care for them (which will negate their feelings of rejection.
7. Practice makes perfect
Declining offers at first will feel very strange; you may even feel guilty about not attending certain events. However when you put your own happiness first spending time with people who don’t make your heart sing will become less of a priority.
It never ceases to surprise me the amount of people who are prepared to be unhappy in their comfort zone (attending functions they dislike) rather than venturing outside (by declining) and seeing what is possible.
Once you learn “the art of saying no” you’re old childhood conditioning will disappear and as you become empowered stress in your life will also dissipate.
Leann Middlemass blogs about emotional wellness at My Destiny.
In her first book, On Death and Dying, Dr Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (MacMillan) says grief can be broken down into five stages:
This is usually characterized by a feeling of numbness, which then becomes denial as the bereaved person struggles to believe what has happened.
The bereaved person feels anger towards God, themselves, the person who died and other people.
When the bereaved person tries to make an agreement with God or similar to take the pain away.
This is when the bereaved feels helpless and the death hits home.
When the loss has been accepted and a new beginning is starting to take over.
Dos and Don’ts
Now take a look at the Dos and Don’ts when dealing with someone who is grieving.
- Do accept that everyone is different and whatever that person is doing or feeling is okay.
- Do say, “I don’t think I can begin to understand your loss. Is there anything I can do?
- Do be patient and listen and be prepared to let the person talk about whatever they want to.
- Do have the patience to go through photos after photos.
- Do be particularly understanding around birthday, anniversaries and so on.
- Do try to talk as normally and it doesn’t matter if they get upset.
- Don’t’ say things like, “It was for the best, or I understand how you feel.
- Don’t try one-upmanship. Everyone experiences different losses.
- Don’t ever argue be accepting.
- Don’t ever force someone to talk about it if they don’t want to.