And here’s why you sometimes pick wrong…
Could your hormones be dictating your love life?
It was all going so well up to now…
I didn’t feel bad about it. In fact, I felt angry at his girlfriend for existing.
Because who doesn’t want to win in the game of love?
Have you ever wondered why certain people get together, or why some people are attracted to a specific type of person?
For example, let’s take a look at men who are specifically attracted to capable women. These ladies seem to manage having a fulfilling carer, friendships, their family and perhaps a couple of kids. While other women may be in awe of exceptionally capable women, why don’t all men find them appealing? What makes others seek the damsel in distress instead?
I’ve done some research on this topic and like any form of attraction,it all comes down to personal preference. Yet, where does this preference come from?
The psychology of attraction
The psychology of attraction is really interesting stuff and has been studied for years. There’s a lot to it. Actually, a heck of a lot to it with many different theories. I always found one of the most intriguing theories of attraction based upon how people end up with a particular who are so much like their opposite sex parent. Not in looks necessarily but in traits and personality. Seriously, how on earth does this happen?
Obviously, this isn’t a conscious thing. People don’t intentionally seek out a surrogate of their opposite sex parent and the mere mention of the similarity is a total turn off. Dear old Sigmund Freud didn’t think so, though – he studied this theory for years. But perhaps old Sigmund had some serious mummy issues!
In reality, there’s much more evidence to support this attraction being based upon familiarly. This is why certain men will be attracted to capable women and why others won’t find them appealing. Sure, she may be gorgeous, sexy as all hell and have a super appealing personality, but something deep down inside a man will tell him that this lady, despite her obvious beauty, really isn’t for him.
Like it or not we generally seek out partners with whom we feel familiar. That feeling begins when we are babies and for most of us our first familiar bond is to our mothers. We hear her voice, heartbeat and body working while we’re inside the womb and we seek this familiarity out once we are born. This provides us comfort as babies and why this initial bond is such a significant one. It’s been studied relentlessly and has been found as a key determinate in all prior relationships.
Bonding is helped along by the release of oxycontin, the love hormone. Hopefully you can see where I’m going with this. This hormone makes us feel good, and like anything that makes us feel good, we want more! So basically, when a man meets a lady with similar personality and traits to his mother, oxycontin is released and it makes him feel good, hence, attraction begins.
Obviously there’s way more to attraction than mothers, bonding and oxycontin. There has also got to be physical attraction, compatibility and a whole range of other factors. However, this does help us understand why certain people find particular traits more appealing than others.
Image via dailymail.co.uk
Are you single and ready to mingle? Let’s do this! Dating doesn’t have to equal despair; it can be a lot of sexy fun and a great time for self-learning and discovery.
Some wear their singleton status with happiness and pride, while others fall prey to the outdated, old-fashioned notion that flying solo equals misery and loneliness. Who do you want to be? Choose the first option, pretty lady! Being single can even be a great lifestyle choice. Sure, you may have to kiss a few frogs, but this will only make you appreciate a good thing when you get it.
I can unequivocally say some of the best years I enjoyed in my 20s and early 30s were when I was single. The world’s your oyster; the possibilities are endless and it’s your time to be completely selfish! Go get em’, tiger.
Top five best attraction techniques:
- Work on yourself: Like attracts like – it’s science, baby – so how can you maximise the law of attraction? It all starts with yourself. I firmly believe – and my marriage is a prime example of this – the minute you finally start to relax and enjoy and even love being single, you’ll meet the partner of your dreams. If you value, love and respect yourself, you’ll meet a like-minded soul. Do the hard work on your mind/body/spirit personal development now, while single, to achieve your full potential in both life and love.
- Winners are grinners: Smile – it’s that simple. If you radiate happiness, confidence and inner-beauty, you’ll attract people to you, like moths to a flame. Alternatively, if you go out into the world with a face like a dropped pie, you’re not exactly sending out the vibe that you’re available for champagne dinners, summer picnics and hot sex, now are you? Genuine kindness, compassion and inner-joy are very attractive traits to develop in yourself and look for in the ones you want to be knocking socks with, later on.
- Do things you enjoy: If you’ve spent many years in one long-term relationship after another, being single is an excellent time to stand on your own two feet and really discover what blows your hair back. What are your passions? What books are you reading? Where have you travelled to? Work on developing your brain – not your bra size – and good things will follow suit. And when you’re out there enjoying yourself in the world – be it walking the dog, quaffing cocktails in a bar, or soaking up the serenity in your fave book shop – you will most likely meet and attract a worthy mate with similar interests.
- Stop comparing yourself: When I was single, many of my best friends were married – both happily and unhappily. The grass is always greener on the other side, to use a well-worn cliché, so stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone walks a different path; your married friends will most likely envy your singleton status, anyway. What are you doing with all that quality solo time? Put it to good use now, baby, because it can all change in the blink of an eye when love finds you. Learn to like being single and make the most of it! Get really comfortable in your own skin to meet the partner you deserve – confidence is one of the most attractive traits of all! And pay no attention to smug marrieds: don’t trust people who make you feel bad about being single – that’s always much more about what they’re lacking than anything to do with you.
- You gotta keep the faith: I’m not sure Jon Bon Jovi co-wrote Keep The Faith about being single, but it’s a great motto! Do not lose faith, sister – if you really, truly believe love will find you and keep an open heart and mind – trust me on this, it’ll happen. My own mother found true love in her 60s; love is as perennial as the grass, to quote Desiderata. So, stay positive and don’t listen to the haters; being single is empowering, fun and good for you, above all. And if you’re having a good time, you’ll attract some amazing lovers. Hang in there – love’s just around the corner waiting for you – when you’re really ready.
Images via socialseduction.com, armani.tumblr.com, doctoroz.com