Bdsm

7 Lessons I Learned From Meeting A Dominatrix

Mistress Natalie is just like any other woman. Except she has an impressive whip collection.

October 11, 2016

Brace Yourself: The ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ Trailer Has Arrived

Sex in the shower, sex on a sailboat, sex with masks on…

September 13, 2016

7 Things You Didn’t Know About Sex Parties

They’re almost irresistible.

April 19, 2016

Meet The Straight Guys Who Have Sex With Other Men

It all gets a bit complicated, but does it really need to be?

March 30, 2016

Why We’re So Uncomfortable Screwing Outside The Lines

When did vanilla become the only acceptable flavor? 

December 10, 2015

Top 5 Ways To Get In The Mood For Hot Sex

When was the last time you had an earth-shatteringly good orgasm – the kind that gave you good bed hair; an all-day glow; and which may have scared the neighbours?

RELATED: 5 Ways To Rediscover Your Sex Goddess

Like our own personal happiness, we all need to take responsibility for our sexual enjoyment – the onus is on you, not your partner, to truly learn what blows your hair back. So, how do we maximise our personal pleasure?

Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, says there are fast and easy steps we can all take to get in the mood for hot sex.

sexual fetishes, foot fetish, sexual obsessions

  1. Heighten your awareness 

We’re surrounded by sex all day, every day, in advertising, TV and multimedia, but how do we become more attuned to our turn-ons? “Once you are attuned to your own turn-ons, it becomes easier to discern what you really like, and in my experience, the scope of what you really like broadens,” Dr Mars says.

“Anything you see, read, or think about that is outside of what you think is okay, or what you would do, or that you think is a little risque is likely to be a turn-on. It has to be not too far over the borders, but just far enough to make you feel a little naughty/dirty/wrong. For example, nudity is a bit ho-hum for me, but if I get a glimpse of nakedness in a fashion magazine it often gives be a little sexual buzz.” Learn your sweet spots so you can go there quickly in your head.

  1. Practice makes perfect

Do you look and feel best in a gorgeous LBD and heels? Or does wearing super-sexy lingerie make you feel aroused? Find out what it is that makes you feel like a wanton sex goddess and buy it in every colour (okay, maybe not quite). By practising the art of feeling sexy, you’ll elevate your chances of hot sex. “Dress up in front of the mirror and find something you feel sexy in and you know looks good and keep it handy and slip it on when you want to have a good time, but you’re not quite in the mood,” Dr Mars says.

  1. Explore your horizons

The pursuit of great personal pleasure is a great excuse to learn new skills. Think you’re a sex ninja in the bedroom? Think again, says Dr Mars – we can all become better-skilled lovers, she says. “Go see someone like me and learn how to change the way your body works and the way you think about sex, learn a new skill,” Dr Mars says. “Or leave dumb Fifty Shades of Grey ideas about BDSM behind and learn how to spank someone so they like it.” You can also try a new technique in the bedroom to rock both yours and your partner’s socks off: if you’re usually passive, take charge, for example.

  1. Are you being served?

Do you and your partner need a change of pace, or what about a change of scene? Hot hotel sex could be just the ticket! There, you can role play; try something new – hello couples’ sex toys; or just bloodywell take some much-needed time out with your partner, sans kids, to enjoy each other’s company and engage in some wild sex! “Hotel sex is a great way to get in the mood for hot sex,” Dr Mars advises. “Plan it, spoil yourselves, buy each other a sexy present and drink champagne, although not too much!”

  1. Laughter is the best medicine

When did life get so serious? Remind yourselves of the carefree life you lived before kids and have sex in the great outdoors; go on a picnic, or watch a funny movie together. Laugh like a drain with your significant other and have good, old-fashioned fun and silly sex and you’ll both feel a damn sight happier for it. “Have a laugh; most of the time we’re way too serious,” Dr Mars says. “And, like anything, sex is much better if you’re relaxed.”

Better Sex

NB dear reader: Dr Mars is also quick to point out it’s vital to learn how to say no and take charge of sex if you stop enjoying it. In addition, never feel pressured to have sex or do it against your will – your body is your own sacred place, not someone else’s. Just say no.

July 3, 2015

Role Play The Secret To Mind-Blowing Sex

Need to reignite the spark between you and your partner?

RELATED: Sex Survey Reveals Aussies’ Bucket List Of Sexual Fantasies

It’s time to get creative, ladies (and gents): You may need to pose as Inga the Swedish milkmaid, or even indulge in some good, old-fashioned adult doctors and nurses. No matter what blows your hair back – passion play, involving roles and costumes, may lead to the best sex of your life, says Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured).

Dr Mars – who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being – is often bombarded with this million-dollar question by desperate couples: “How do I sex up my sex life?!” And role play may well be the answer.

role play, better sex, sex advice

She says the film adaptation of Fifty Shades Of Grey is, in part, so hugely popular because it glamorises couples’ role play; acting out erotic roles in a sexual fantasy. In addition, some people use sexual role play as a means of overcoming their inhibitions. “Role play can definitely reignite the spark between couples; Fifty Shades Of Grey wouldn’t be so popular if it didn’t, but it doesn’t need to be BDSM (bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism),” Dr Mars says.

“Walking around in sexy lingerie and high heels if you don’t usually do it can be all you need. Being a bit toppy, or submissive, if it’s not your usual thing can also be exciting.

“Put on a costume, see if it changes how you feel, try a wig. If you are not sure, just do it for yourself in front of the mirror no one needs to know, but you may be changed by the experience and that might be enough to light (or at least lay the foundation for) a fire!”

better sex, sex advice

And the recent Under the Covers Sex Survey, commissioned by Australia’s largest adult dating site, Adult Match Maker, via www.adultmatchmaker.com.au – developed by Dr Mars – confirms the popularity of role play. More than 7600 Australian respondents answered AMM’s inaugural sex survey anonymously, shedding light on what blows our hair back in the bedroom.

Key sex survey findings included: “kinky sex” is a popular fantasy with 60 per cent of respondents, and post-Fifty Shades of Grey (pictured), BDSM (bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism) is popular, with 30 per cent of respondents including it in their list of sexual fantasies.

Fifty Shades of Grey, erotic blockbuster, sex, movies

And if you’re looking for deeper, better intimacy with your partner – as well as the best sex of your life – Dr Mars also recommends we hit the books. “When I started to research sexual pleasure as an academic in 2005, I read every book I could find on the issue, from Masters and Johnson’s seminal work on sexual response, through to Kim Cattral’s pleasant, little book [Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm] on achieving satisfaction, and nasty, hard-core ‘how to’ books.

“There’s good advice in all of these books for couples wanting to sex up their sex lives. Improving sexual technique and making an effort to get better educated in this area is so important. It’s one of those things we think we can just do, but actually like anything, it takes effort, energy and practice.”

And, dear readers, if you’re also in need of advice on how to have more spontaneous sex, the good doctor advises us to diarise sex, such as role play. “Spontaneous sex happens when people feel sexy and when that isn’t happening then scheduling sex, making sex dates or times to share some sensual intimacy can work way better,” Dr Mars says.

role play, better sex, sex advice

And, like countless couples, if mismatched libidos are the bane of your existence, she says to take the pressure to have sexual intercourse out of the equation. “Mismatched libidos is a problem in relationships, but not just for men. Women can also want more sex than their partners and it’s a problem for both partners, not just the partner who wants more sex,” Dr Mars says.

“Shifting the focus to sensuality is a tried-and-tested technique for increasing intimacy in a relationship. Sometimes, this also leads to more sex. Increasing intimacy and spending time on sensuality can help to increase sexual energy and sexual energy is the key to great sex.

“If you want to get back to having more sexual pleasure, or make sure your partner is having it with you, then it’s time for either or both of you to make a change. Often libido drops when we are tired, unfit, or unwell, so improving overall energy levels by making changes to your physical well-being can make a massive difference.”

sex survey, sex, sexual fantasises

And Dr Mars believes boosting our sexual energy is also crucial to resolving sexual discord. “After I finished reading all those sex books I started reading books about sexual energy – there are a lot of them,” she says. “I also started going to workshops and practicing different techniques to increase my sexual energy. You can think of this as sexual physiotherapy or sexual reiki.

“What I discovered, was that you can lift your sexual energy and you can share that with a partner. If you want more sex than your partner and this is an ongoing issue then you should be able to answer this question: ‘What have you learned about sex since your last sexual encounter with your partner?

“So, here is my advice to both partners in a mismatched libido relationship, get fit, get educated, talk to a sexpert, spend some time looking after yourself, start making the change yourself. “In the words of that famous philosopher/model Rachael Hunter: ‘It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen’.”

What do you think? Is role play important in your sex life?

Images via Cosmopolitan, en.cyplive.com and archive.lovingyou.com

March 18, 2015