Take pillow talk to the next level.
For most ladies an orgasm doesn’t just happen. So women intent on experiencing greater sexual pleasure haven’t just laid back, knelt down, or stood up expecting their partner to get them off. Instead, women have realised that they need to take charge of their own sexual pleasure and now there’s no stopping them!
Hell bent on making sex even better, some gals have been having bigger, better, stronger, longer AND more intense orgasms. Sounds pretty awesome, doesn’t it? Well, if you’d like to join these smiling, sexually satisfied women I’ll give you the low down on what they’re doing to achieve it.
It’s all in your head ladies!
Our brains are the one forgotten sex organ we all have. So many of us neglect to recognise that if it weren’t for sexual urges which initiate in our brains, we wouldn’t bother having sex at all. Basically, if want a more intense orgasm think about sexual positions that have worked well for you, if any toys or lubes have helped make your orgasm more intense and think your way to a better orgasm.
Look after your general health
Your overall health can really impact your ability to orgasm. So if you’re a drinker or smoker and think that exercise if only for athletes then sorry ladies, but you’re already behind the 8-ball. For one, drinking might help lower your inhibitions, but it also lowers your ability to orgasm.
Primarily you need to focus on activities that boost your circulation and enable you to breathe better when having sex. The key thing to remember is that sex is like any other exercise and the more you train for it, the better your outcome will be.
Produce more Oxytocin
According to scientific research published in Hormones and Behavior, Oxycontin may increase sexual satisfaction and the intensity of orgasm. Additionally, when produced in women it’s believed they feel more comfortable sharing sexual desires with their partner. This miraculous hormone is produced when we display gestures of affection through hugging, cuddling, kissing, touching and during sex.
More foreplay and delay your orgasm
It’s a fact that sex is always better with foreplay. Not only does it lube up all of the important parts of our bodies that we use during sex, but it also builds up anticipation. Anticipation is the key if you want a more intense orgasm. So in other words, work toward orgasm and then back of. Do this as many times as you possibly can and by the time you do actually reach climax, it will be the big bang you’re looking for.
Lube isn’t just for those who have trouble producing their own. It’s fun to slip and slide, plus it’s been recommended for a way more intense orgasm.
Pelvic floor exercises aka kegels
One of the easiest ways to improve the intensity of your orgasm is by doing pelvic floor exercises aka kegels. They’re an easy exercise that can be done anywhere, at any time, and have been recommended to strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor which support the bladder, uterus and vagina.
If you aren’t sure how they’re done, videos that go into further detail are available online; plus there is a neat little gadget called the Kgoal (pictured below) which has been specifically designed to help women strengthen their pelvic floor muscles. Click on the image for a video on how it works.
Seriously girls, how is anyone going to know how to get you off if you don’t know how to do it yourself? Experiment with what you like and discover what makes your orgasm more intense. Try out different toys, lubes, positions and times of the day or night. You might find your body responds better to some things than others.
Boost your libido
It makes sense that if you desire more sex then your body will be better prepared when you have it. Ways to boost your libido include eating certain foods, surrounding yourself with particular smells, masturbating regularly and having more sex. The more sex you have with the same partner, the better the sex will get. What’s more, if it’s good, you’ll want more – a lot like chocolate!
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want
So often men feel like they need to be the ones to supply female sexual satisfaction. Many do so without direction, so don’t be shy or coy in the sack! Tell your partner exactly what you want and don’t forget to ask him to multitask. This will stimulate more regions within your brain and give you a way more intense orgasm. Not only is a sexually confident woman irresistible, but most men want their partners to enjoy the experience.
If anyone has anymore suggestions, we’d love to hear about them in the comments below!
Image via thesheet.ng
When was the last time you had an earth-shatteringly good orgasm – the kind that gave you good bed hair; an all-day glow; and which may have scared the neighbours?
Like our own personal happiness, we all need to take responsibility for our sexual enjoyment – the onus is on you, not your partner, to truly learn what blows your hair back. So, how do we maximise our personal pleasure?
Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, says there are fast and easy steps we can all take to get in the mood for hot sex.
- Heighten your awareness
We’re surrounded by sex all day, every day, in advertising, TV and multimedia, but how do we become more attuned to our turn-ons? “Once you are attuned to your own turn-ons, it becomes easier to discern what you really like, and in my experience, the scope of what you really like broadens,” Dr Mars says.
“Anything you see, read, or think about that is outside of what you think is okay, or what you would do, or that you think is a little risque is likely to be a turn-on. It has to be not too far over the borders, but just far enough to make you feel a little naughty/dirty/wrong. For example, nudity is a bit ho-hum for me, but if I get a glimpse of nakedness in a fashion magazine it often gives be a little sexual buzz.” Learn your sweet spots so you can go there quickly in your head.
- Practice makes perfect
Do you look and feel best in a gorgeous LBD and heels? Or does wearing super-sexy lingerie make you feel aroused? Find out what it is that makes you feel like a wanton sex goddess and buy it in every colour (okay, maybe not quite). By practising the art of feeling sexy, you’ll elevate your chances of hot sex. “Dress up in front of the mirror and find something you feel sexy in and you know looks good and keep it handy and slip it on when you want to have a good time, but you’re not quite in the mood,” Dr Mars says.
- Explore your horizons
The pursuit of great personal pleasure is a great excuse to learn new skills. Think you’re a sex ninja in the bedroom? Think again, says Dr Mars – we can all become better-skilled lovers, she says. “Go see someone like me and learn how to change the way your body works and the way you think about sex, learn a new skill,” Dr Mars says. “Or leave dumb Fifty Shades of Grey ideas about BDSM behind and learn how to spank someone so they like it.” You can also try a new technique in the bedroom to rock both yours and your partner’s socks off: if you’re usually passive, take charge, for example.
- Are you being served?
Do you and your partner need a change of pace, or what about a change of scene? Hot hotel sex could be just the ticket! There, you can role play; try something new – hello couples’ sex toys; or just bloodywell take some much-needed time out with your partner, sans kids, to enjoy each other’s company and engage in some wild sex! “Hotel sex is a great way to get in the mood for hot sex,” Dr Mars advises. “Plan it, spoil yourselves, buy each other a sexy present and drink champagne, although not too much!”
- Laughter is the best medicine
When did life get so serious? Remind yourselves of the carefree life you lived before kids and have sex in the great outdoors; go on a picnic, or watch a funny movie together. Laugh like a drain with your significant other and have good, old-fashioned fun and silly sex and you’ll both feel a damn sight happier for it. “Have a laugh; most of the time we’re way too serious,” Dr Mars says. “And, like anything, sex is much better if you’re relaxed.”
NB dear reader: Dr Mars is also quick to point out it’s vital to learn how to say no and take charge of sex if you stop enjoying it. In addition, never feel pressured to have sex or do it against your will – your body is your own sacred place, not someone else’s. Just say no.
“Trust me?” he asks.
I nod. He holds out his hand, and in his palm are two shiny silver balls linked with a thick black thread.
“These are new,” he says emphatically.
I look questioningly up at him.
“I am going to put these inside of you, and then I’m going to spank you, not for punishment, but for your pleasure and mine.” – Fifty Shades of Grey
Ben Wa Balls, Kegal Balls, Luna Beads, Burmese bells, Orgasm Balls, Geisha Balls: call them what you will, but these small, marble-sized weighted balls now have a centre-stage role thanks to erotic blockbuster Fifty Shades of Grey.
The extract above is from the 2011 E L James bestselling book. It remains to be seen if the sex balls, as I like to call them, will feature as prominently in the highly anticipated film adaptation due out around February 12.
The first book in the erotic trilogy, about a virginal 21-year-old college gal and the 27-year-old billionaire who love a bit of rough play, Fifty Shades has caused sales of sex toys, bondage and S&M gear to skyrocket both nationally and internationally. And the classic Ben Wa Balls, or various versions of them, have been flying off the shelves too, ever since.
The weighted balls are worn inside the vagina and have long been used to strengthen pelvic floor muscles – but can they, as Fifty Shades of Grey’s female protagonist Anastasia Steele experiences – also bring you to orgasm?
In the book, Anastasia suddenly turns nympho – “needy for sex” – after wearing said balls and almost has an orgasm after infamous male protagonist Christian Grey “jerks them out…suddenly”.
So, can we expect the same, if we wear the balls in real life? Sadly, no.
Leading Australian sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein says do your research before use when it comes to the balls and, importantly, they’re not recommended for young girls. “On a pelvic floor basis, these balls are great,” Dr Goldstein says. “They can strengthen your muscles and aid bladder control.
“They’re also great if you forget to do your pelvic floor exercises (also called Kegel exercises).”
But what about the big O? Surely, Fifty Shades of Grey’s famous sex scene isn’t a fake?! Dr Goldstein says strong pelvic floor muscles can help you to have more orgasms, and strengthen the intensity of your big Os, but as for the balls themselves, it’s not the usual practice for them to be used for sexual enjoyment. What the hell E L James?!
“For some people, the more weighted ones can put pressure on the vaginal canal and rub on the G-spot,” she says. “And some people also insert them in the vaginal canal during anal sex.
“But I’d be reluctant to tell people to use them exclusively for sexual pleasure.”
Note well, ladies: do not put the sex balls in your anus as there’s a high likelihood the balls will, erm, disappear, according to Dr Goldstein.
So, what’s the moral of the story here, ladies?
“Do not use Fifty Shades of Grey as a text book on sex!” Dr Goldstein says. “It’s a fantasy novel, not a sex education book.
“But it just goes to show that people are craving information about sex topics.
“My final advice would be definitely do not expect to almost have an orgasm just by using the balls.”
Does spanking by a hot man help?
For more information on Dr Goldstein, visit drnikki.com.au.
What do you think? Have you tried using the sex balls?
Secondary image via fiftyshadesaddicted.com; book image via www.npr.org and cartoon via www.wheresmyglow.com.