Expect the unexpected.
Contrary to popular opinion, women don’t use abortions as a form of last-minute birth control.
I didn’t give my placenta another thought until it splashed loudly in my toilet.
No, I wasn’t ‘too posh to push’.
There are many ways to be a parent.
There are things that happen during pregnancy that we love to talk about, like how you have a mother’s nurturing glow, how the baby is kicking, and how perfectly round your belly is getting. On the negative end, we also love to vent to our friends about the heaviness, the swollen ankles and those surprising bouts of morning sickness that happen in less than ideal situations.
After the pregnancy is over and the beautiful bubba is born, the conversation switches to how the baby is sleeping, debates over breastfeeding versus bottle feeding, and quick snaps at anyone who asks you how your weight loss is going post-pregnancy. One thing that isn’t talked about a lot is what actually happens to the body after birth, especially sensitive areas like the breasts.
A recent post on Vogue about what happens to breasts after pregnancy and breastfeeding had me thinking about this even more. I’ve always joked to my partner that after we’ve finished having kids, he’ll have to buy me a breast lift to make up for the soccer team he wants, but for a growing number of women out there, getting a breast lift is no joke; it’s a way to feel like yourself again after giving your body to your children.
While stretch marks are newly taking some focus after birth, it’s still not a popular conversation to have about what happens to a woman’s most intimate places on her body; namely her breasts and vagina. Vaginal rejuvenation has become a popular topic, especially in Hollywood, but it seems that we are still hiding what our breasts are like after birth.
Every woman and her body are completely different, and our bodies react differently to child birth and breastfeeding, but for those who happen to sag significantly, it can affect self esteem and happiness. If you’re thinking that it’s shallow to want a breast lift after pregnancy, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But we should all have the right to feel great about ourselves, even if it means having a little help to get your breasts back to what makes you feel fantastic.
Women are slowly getting there in terms of what is socially accepted to speak about, but I think that what happens to a woman’s body after she nurtures a life is very important. This shouldn’t be a deterrent from breastfeeding; quite the opposite. Women should be empowered to feel great after having given birth to new life. They shouldn’t feel ashamed for not feeling happy with their bodies and shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting a little extra to feel great again.
It’s a new era, a new time; women can talk about these things. And we should be talking about these things and letting each other know that we are all beautiful and we all have the right to define beauty the way we want to, without judgement or critique. Let’s start being open about what giving birth is actually like and start being more open about the way women feel, and are allowed to feel.
Image via welladjusted.co
‘How will the baby come out?’ As your child is excitedly awaiting the arrival of a new sibling, this question will likely come up sooner or later. When it happened to me, I asked a few other mums for suggestions. Some had chosen to answer that they’d go to the hospital where the doctor would take the baby out. This answer didn’t sit well with me. It wasn’t true (there’d be no doctor at the birth provided that everything went well) plus I wanted to promote birth as a natural process. Granted, none of my kids would be having babies any time soon, but you’d never know what would stay in their little minds. So I volunteered a minimalistic, but honest answer.
“Through the birth canal, which is here.” My son looked at me sizing up my belly, then the space between my hips. “No way. It’s not big enough.” Tell me about it. Labour is not called ‘labour’ for nothing. As it turned out, a minimalistic answer wasn’t going to cut it. My kids simply didn’t believe me. In search of better explanation, here are some points that I found helpful and maybe, you will, too.
It’s ok to be honest about anatomy
The discomfort you and I may be feeling about discussing our bodies, especially genitals, comes from our upbringing. As far as kids are concerned, the genitals are just body parts, same as their knees or bellies. A matter-of-fact attitude makes the birth conversation a lot easier. It also helps when kids know the correct anatomical terms; then you won’t struggle to find the right words.
Pictures can be easier to understand than words
There are wonderful books with stories and illustrations to help young children understand birth and how to welcome their new sibling. Some books I recommend are ‘My new baby’ by Rachel Fuller and ‘Welcome with Love’ by Jenni Overend. I also found it helpful show my kids some educational videos with illustrated images. They couldn’t understand the explanations, but the pictures made it very clear what was happening during the birth process. It’s good to have a look at the books and the videos before you show them to your kids, both to determine if they are appropriate and to prepare your commentary when your kids start asking questions.
Others have done it before you
Children a curious and ‘How will the baby come out?’ is a common question. Ask other parents for suggestions and you’re bound to find something that will work for you, too.
While birth is an interesting topic in itself, this conversation presents the perfect opportunity to prepare your child for life with the new baby. The birth will come and go, and it’s just the beginning of a beautiful sibling relationship.
Image by Nina Matthews via Flickr.
By Tatiana Apostolova
Pregnancy is a very exciting but tumultuous time – the last thing you need is people being insensitive and rude when it comes to your ever-changing body shape. You’re already dealing with raging hormones, extreme tiredness and strange, new bodily afflictions which can change daily. Yet a funny thing happens when a woman falls pregnant – suddenly, your body becomes public property.
Strangers, co–workers and family members rapidly develop foot-in-mouth disease, offering constant, unsolicited comments ranging from everything from how you’re carrying, to your bump size and how tired/happy/glowing you look (or don’t look, shock horror). Personally, I think the kindest thing you can ever say to a pregnant woman is: “How are you feeling?” And then listen, really listen, even if she lurches into a mad rant about horrific pregnancy complications which make your toenails curl.
When I was pregnant with my first baby, a very senior male manager with whom I worked at a media giant took one look at my blossoming form, having not seen me for months, then remarked with distaste: “Oh! I didn’t think you’d be that big?!”
“I’m terribly sorry to inconvenience you with my growing baby bump, you stupid, sexist male oaf?!” I shot back.
Just kidding. Instead, I was so embarrassed and bewildered; I wanted the floor to swallow me up. Then, with my second pregnancy, there was the elderly male neighbour who’d bellow at me: “Are you sure you’re not having twins?!” every single time I waddled past his house to get to the local shops.
I did give birth to two ten-pounders respectively, but that’s beside the point. When is it ever OK to make loud, public and very personal comments to a woman about her appearance, especially when she’s undoubtedly hormonal, emotional and hypersensitive? And, then there was the other neighbour who repeatedly commented on the largeness of my baby bump. Now, I may not have had the most petite of bumps, both pregnancies, but I hardly compared to say, “Octomom”.
And are women so insanely competitive, we need to measure up our bumps against the size of someone else’s?
Needless to say, I was thrilled when we moved to a new neighbourhood! I say it’s high time we start being a lot kinder to pregnant women. We should offer them kind words of praise and encouragement – if indeed they seek our opinions at all. Whenever I see a pregnant woman, I try to offer a kindly smile and nod of understanding and empathy. Pregnancy can be the most glorious, sexy, wonderful state, but also one often plagued by anxiety, fear and discomfort – we should all do our extra bit to ensure our pregnant sisters feel wonderful.
- Compliment a pregnant friend, family member or colleague at every opportunity. Never tell her she looks tired.
- Ask her how she feels and offer to help her, where possible. Be positive about her pregnancy – comments like “You won’t know what hit you!” or “You think you’re tired now?!” are mean and unhelpful.
- Offer her gifts of rare gems (just kidding) – food parcels are a lovely way to aid her long days on her feet.
- Never comment on the size of her bump, whether small or large. Both are equally offensive.
- No tummy touching, unless you have her permission first. Even then, I’d tread with caution. Hormones are a killer, she might (and rightfully so) throw a punch.
- Resist the temptation to regale her with your birth horror stories. This will only add to her anxiety levels, so keep it to yourself, sister.
By Nicole Carrington-Sima