And, no, we’re not talking about hanging out the washing.
We don’t fit neatly into your little box.
It all gets a bit complicated, but does it really need to be?
I’ll never think of oral sex the same way again.
Whenever I mention the name Ruby Rose, the reaction is a distant look, a half-smile and a sighed repetition of those two delightfully alliterated words. The 29-year-old has firmly carved her niche. Whether as a model, actress, philanthropist, DJ or VJ; you will know her from whichever fabulous branch has happened to brush you. Her work as androgynous beauty, Stella Carlin, in Orange Is The New Black turned heads and hearts and gave many heterosexual women reason to question whether they really are straight-up-and-down.
I am absolutely one of these questioning ladies. However, Ruby Rose was my bisexual awakening long before her pink underwear peeked over the edge of her prison pants. When I was 19, I was working as an usher in a theatre. I had a number of lesbian friends, but being sexually attracted to another girl was something that had never occurred to me. One night before work, my fellow ushers and I were briefed that Ruby Rose was coming to see the show. I hadn’t really heard of her, so one of my guy friends (who was really into lesbians) filled me in. After a quick Google search, I had a vague idea of what to expect.
Later that evening, it was made known to us that she was held up and that we would seat her with the latecomers. I was on foyer duty and responsible for explaining the ten minute lockout rules regarding mobile phones/photography in the theatre, blah blah blah. A couple of minutes into the lockout, a woman walked in, looked around tentatively and approached me.
“Um, hi… I’m waiting for my friend… Ruby Rose,” she said.
“Yes, of course!” I replied, my eyes bright with customer service enthusiasm. “We’ve been informed that she will arrive soon.”
“No problem – can I wait here?” she muttered. I confirmed that she was indeed welcome to wait in the foyer and turned my attention once more to the front doors, growing increasingly curious about our famous guest. Finally, the ornate doorway opened again and in walked this person…
She had the presence of five people and I felt the energy in the room shift as she glided in. She wasn’t so much tall as statuesque; with an immaculate pixie cut, skin tight dress and piercing eyes. Her mouth was a perfect rosy hue; it shone with painstakingly applied (presumably Maybelline) lip gloss. As she moved towards me, I caught a whiff of her perfume. It made me weak at the knees. And the tattoos… Holy hell, I’d never found ink that attractive before, but on her…
Finally, Ruby reached me. I was speechless (which, for me, is a HUGE deal). “Um…hi – hi, welcome,” I finally managed to stutter. She looked at me contemplatively for a second, then opened her sumptuous mouth to speak: “Could you please tell me where the bathroom is?”
I fumbled over myself, gesticulating clumsily towards the ladies room. I was as jumpy as a whore in church. Ruby thanked me politely and moved away. As I stood in her wake, I knew that something extraordinary had happened. Did I – for the very first time – have a crush on a girl?!
It was then that the vast spectrum of human sexuality began to reveal itself. I’m not saying that sexuality is a choice (it isn’t) and I still identify as straight, but my God; Ruby Rose flicked a very important switch in me that evening. So Ruby; keep doing your thing, because I think it’s quite astounding that of all the people I’ve met, the places I’ve been, the experiences I’ve had; what has affected me so potently is spending three minutes in the presence of Ruby Rose.
Image via Nylon.com
Australians are more sexually curious and adventurous than ever before, a recent sex study has revealed.
The Under the Covers Sex Survey was commissioned by Australia’s largest adult dating site, Adult Match Maker, in late 2014. Developed by Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars, who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, it primarily focussed on sexuality and sexual fantasies.
More than 7,600 Australian respondents answered AMM’s inaugural sex survey anonymously, shedding light on what blows our hair back in the bedroom. So, is straight sex really the norm anymore? Apparently not! And women are more sexually bold and willing to explore and take risks than ever before, according to the sex survey.
“One of the major findings is that we may not all be as straight or as sexually conservative as we think we are,” Dr Mars says. “Women in particular seem to be up to some interesting things!”
Key sex survey findings included: “kinky sex” is a popular fantasy with 60 per cent of respondents, and post-Fifty Shades of Grey, BDSM (bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism) is popular, with 30 per cent of respondents including it in their list of sexual fantasies.
And look out heterosexual blokes, you may have more competition than ever before; 36 per cent of women identified as bisexual and the heterosexual women who took part in the survey are 50 per cent more likely than men to fantasise about women and 50 per cent more likely to act on their fantasies.
In addition, there’s some key differences between what men and women fantasise about.
“Men have a wider range of sexual fantasies, scoring higher in all categories and are more likely to be drawn to hardcore activities such as golden showers and porn,” Dr Mars says. “Women, on the other hand, are more likely to fantasise about sex toys, tantric sex and their partners.
“But 30 per cent of both women and men like the idea of strap-on sex.”
So, what’s so great about strap-on sex?
“The short answer is,” says Dr Mars, “there are all sorts of spots in the anus and vagina that don’t get the attention they might during sex, or perhaps they do get attention but not at the same time, the prostate gland and the penis come to mind.”
Other key survey findings concern our sexual identity. For, some 25 per cent of respondents identified as bisexual, 0.4 per cent of women identified as lesbian, 1.6 per cent of men identified as gay and a further 5 per cent said they are unsure about their current sexual orientation.
Dr Mars says while the lesbian and gay figures are in line with Australian population estimates, the percentage that identified as bisexual or unsure far exceeds previous population study estimates which put the nation’s bisexual population at less than two per cent.
So, in the wake of the sex survey, what’s Dr Mars’ overall advice when it comes to exploring our sexuality? She believes we need to be more light-hearted and pleasure-focused in our sexual thinking.
“When we seriously consider sex we tend to think about health and disease rather than considering the links between sex health, mindfulness and quality of life,” she says. “It’s time we started exploring and understanding our sexuality and the ways it can help us to live happier healthier lives.”
What do you think? Is this in line with your sexual fantasies?
Images, in order, via nypost.com, supplied and www.timeanddate.com.
never wish to in our ‘real’ lives, and this is not only common, but healthy. Fantasies are a healthy expression of our desires and feelings, but most fantasies are not meant for actual enactment.Female fantasies tend to focus on personal partners, and people women know. It is very common for women to fantasise about other women, but this does not automatically mean a woman is gay or bisexual. In fact, lesbians can fantasise about men, and this does not mean they have suddenly turned
heterosexual!. Most female fantasies are heavy on the sensual, and on desire and lust, while light on violence. However, a great many women have fantasies about dominance and control. Being raped is a frequent female fantasy. It *never* means a woman desires to be raped. Rape fantasies are more commonly about wanting to feel unbridled passion and lust, to feel dominated and out of control. Fantasies are a liberating and creative way for us to express our complex sexuality. Most subjects – whether it is making love with the woman across the road, or off the silver screen ? are not reliable signs of what we would actually like to do in our ‘real’ lives. They are sexual charges; sparks to keep our passions burning. So whether you get your sexual rush from fantasising about the guy in the Diet Coke ad, or Drew Barrymore, you’re a normal hot-blooded woman.
By Dr Gabrielle Morrissey (adapted from the chapter ‘Dirty Talk and Naughty
Thoughts’ in her book, URGE). Buy a copy of Urge from the SheSaid Bookshop.
Top five women SheSaid women would most like to have a saucy encounter with?
Top five men SheSaid women would most like to have a saucy encounter with?
* results compiled from a recent SheSaid promotion.