Another day, another Trump #facepalm.
Because who doesn’t want to win in the game of love?
Have you ever wondered if the seemingly harmless flirting you’re engaging in with your attractive work colleague is harmful to your relationship?
Or what about that icky, uncomfortable feeling when, say, a specialist makes flirty and super-flattering comments to you in a completely unethical, power-imbalance environment? Then there’s your local butcher who (this one applies to me: true story) makes suggestive comments and innuendoes whenever you order your weekly meat?
Flirting scenarios, while extremely varied, can be fun, ego-boosting and sexy, but when it’s with a third party, when does it become damaging for your relationship? And what about emotional cheating – does flirting fit in this category and does it necessarily even lead to extramarital affairs? So many questions… For answers, I approached a clinical psychologist who wishes to remain anonymous. Her answers are sobering indeed, for those of us who love a good flirt.
Q: When does harmless flirting turn into more? Is it about a power imbalance?
A: Flirting can be fun, it can make you feel good, but it can also be problematic. One sure sign that it’s time to stop flirting with someone is when your partner becomes upset.
It’s also not okay if it’s not mutual and consensual. So, if someone is flirting with you, but it makes you feel uncomfortable because it seems inappropriate, perhaps because it’s your boss or more senior person in the workplace or your friend’s partner, bring it to a stop.
You can give a clear signal that you don’t welcome the sexual innuendo by being brisk and impersonal in your interactions with the person doing the flirting. Flirting isn’t just about what’s said, body language is just as revealing. Body language includes the admiring glance, the sexy smile and the lingering touch.
Q: Is ongoing flirting with someone you find attractive a form of emotional cheating?
A: If you are single, then flirting with someone you find attractive can be exciting and fun. It might even be the start of a great relationship. But if you are already in a relationship, flirting with a third party can be a form of emotional cheating.
To test out whether the flirty exchange is harmless fun or something that would upset your partner, imagine he/she is able to hear what’s being said – as well as see your body language. If that thought makes you uncomfortable and you realise that the flirting could be harmful to your relationship, then it’s time to get back to being business-like.
If you love to flirt, my best advice is to try having those sexy exchanges with your partner – he/she is bound to enjoy it!
Images via Sydney Morning Herald, The Brunette Diaries and Eharmony
The workplace is a very competitive environment so who better to advise on influencing others / standing out from the crowd than a trained performing arts professional. Often it is the little things people forget that can really help to get ahead:
1. Be prepared: Conceptualise and write down notes to give yourself a brief overview of the main objectives you want to deliver. This will calm the nerves and get you back on track if your mind draws a blank during the meeting/presentation. It is also very important to actively rehearse too. It is the practical rehearsal that will give you the edge and make you aware of any nervous habits you might have including playing with your clothes or biting your lip.
2. Check the tech: Make sure that your technology is up to the task ahead of presenting/ a meeting. Ensure your equipment is as prepared as you are!
3. Activate your conversations: Ask questions, actively look and listen, participate and speak clearly. Engagement in the conversation will make you more memorable and hopefully lead to more advantageous outcomes for everyone. Remember, if you listen, they will listen to you.
4. Engage with energy: We have the power to influence others so be the one who creates positive change. This can be by the way you enter into a conversation, a room or a meeting. Good strong energy can be your confidence booster and can change the mood and tone of the whole meeting including other participants.
5. Create a great shape: Lift up through the body, open the shoulders, engage with your eyes and gestures and create length through both legs. Your posture and stance can have a real effect on how you interact with other people and how people perceive you. Think and stand big!
6. Sounding off!: The voice and the body work together to create a powerful presentation of your objectives, so find your pitch, pace and volume to work with your situation.
7. Watch What you Wear: Being comfortable and confident in your physical presentation can increase your confidence and lead to better interaction with others whether it be colleagues, clients, upper management or suppliers.
8. Back yourself: You deserve to be there so own your space. Remind yourself that if you have done the work, you have a right to be there so believe in yourself.
By Kylie Bonaccorso, an expert in body language and vocal communication, two skills which she utilises in her role as a NIDA Corporate Performance tutor. Kylie has been a teacher, lecturer, actor and director for over 20 years and holds a Diploma of Education and a B.A. Theatre Studies and Communication from the University of New England.
When you are contacted about your selection for a group interview, Ms Whyatt advises candidates to ask for a job description. CareerOne would add that you should pose any other questions you want answered regarding what is going to happen and what you should bring.Some CareerOne readers have reported that companies were unhelpful when they asked such questions. Just remember that there is nothing wrong with asking and that the more information you gain, the better prepared you will be.
CareerOne would also advise candidates to spend some time researching the company they will be interviewing with. Visit their website at the very least, scan the business pages of the newspaper for stories about them – or better yet, visit a reference library and search the newspaper archives. Candidates might also be able to pick up brochures or an annual report from the company’s office.
Prepare a short piece about yourself. Even if you are never asked to speak about yourself, doing this exercise will help you focus on what skills and attributes you possess and how these will relate to the job or jobs on offer.
Rehearse with a family member or friend. Use your short piece about yourself and do some role-playing using the angry customer and problem-solving staff member as characters. It doesn’t matter that the scenarios will differ when you do the real thing on the day. Rehearsal gets you thinking and helps you practice skills that will make you stand out such as speaking clearly, maintaining good eye contact and remaining calm no matter how angry a customer gets.
Ms Whyatt advises candidates to practice a firm handshake, good eye contact, listening skills and speaking clearly and loudly enough for a group to hear.
She says to also give some thought to body language and what slouching, standing with arms firmly crossed, fidgeting or playing with hands or hair might convey to the recruiters.
CareerOne advises candidates to consider a websearch by an search engine like Google. Place phrases like “dealing with customers” or “group interviews” in the search box and get the low down from experts all over the world. CareerOne did this and found plenty of expert advice on both subjects.
For example, when role-playing with an “angry customer”, never mirror or copy that person’s behaviour. Stay calm, be sympathetic and take ownership of the problem even if you eventually have to say something like: “I want to consult my supervisor to get their input on the best way to assist you …”