Content Warning: Child sexual abuse and sexual assault.
A serious condition that’s way more than skin deep.
Skinny-shaming is not okay, but neither is dismissing fat-shaming.
My well-endowed ‘assets’ attract negative attention.
Life as a single lass can be sexy, wondrous and fun, but occasionally you’re going to meet, date and get naked with people who will insult your beautiful, perfectly imperfect mind, body and soul.
When it comes to sex and the single girl, it’s vital you maintain a strong body image and don’t listen to the haters. “Shake it off,” as T-Swizzle (Taylor Swift) would quite rightly say, and go find someone who not only loves you, just as you are, but a partner who’s secure in themselves and doesn’t feel the need to belittle you. You’ve got the world in the palm of your hand – stay strong –and find a man who raises you up even higher.
Trust me on this – I’m very old – imperfection is beautiful, curves are awesome and true beauty is within – don’t ever let someone sap your soul and take that away. And physical beauty comes in many, many different shapes and sizes. No one is perfect – least of all highly critical people who don’t love you as you are.
I dated many men before I met my husband at 34. Here are some of the nasty body and sex insults I suffered, for your hopeful amusement. They’re actually funny looking back – and, armed with a strong sense of self and my husband’s unconditional love – I can truly see how utterly ridiculous they are. However, verbal slurs in a relationship can really sting and prove damaging if you don’t maintain a healthy sense of humour, self-esteem and self-confidence.
Sex/body shaming insults and an appropriate response
- “You’re not very good at oral sex.” Now, any man who says this to you deserves to get a bit of teeth action, if you ask me. If a man can’t articulate to you what he likes in bed and insults you for good measure, do as I did and kick him to the kerb. The vast majority of men will love what you do downstairs and never ever be so stupid as to complain.
- “You need to lose weight”: In life, you must accept you’re not everyone’s cup of tea. And so what? There are many men out there who love and appreciate healthy curves and voluptuousness and whom will adore you, just as you are. And I’m always highly suspicious of men who don’t like curves. Want a stick figure? Go shag a broom, dickhead.
- “You’re too wet”: Yep, a man once said this to me in bed. For most sane humans, a well-lubricated lady is nothing short of a God-given gift, nay miracle. Learn to love your body and get to know what turns you on and never ever let someone tell you this is a bad thing. What a tosser! Naturally, I sent him packing…
- “Your nipples are too small”: It was beyond me at the time, still is now, why a guy I once seriously dated (and loved) felt the need to utter these stupid and hurtful words. Talk about a brain fart?! Breasts are beautiful – my cup runneth over – why would you ever insult the size of a woman’s nipples!? Don’t ever insult your lover’s body – and the same goes for women. My husband adores my double Ds and they’ve perfectly breastfed two children – again, you’ll probably meet and date overtly critical men who are never happy with what they have. Get rid of them, fast.
- “You just don’t do it for me”: If a man doesn’t find you anything less than a massive turn-on, feel sorry for him and move on as quickly as you (and your hurt pride) can. Some men are so particular about their sexual tastes; they’re looking for the unattainable. But it matters not – there are plenty of men out there who will think you the most perfect goddess who’s ever walked the earth. Go find him, now!
Images via topsecretwomensbusiness.com, iamapowerfulwoman.net, linkedin.com