Communication

Ask Nadia: How Do I Keep Sex Hot In A Long-Distance Relationship?

SHESAID’s resident sexpert tackles your stickiest sex questions every week.

The Secret To Getting Your Needs Met In Your Relationship

Ever felt like he just didn’t understand you; that you weren’t getting anywhere? You need to read this.

How To Spot If You’re Bad At Listening (And Be Better At It)

Listening is one of the most overlooked aspects of effective communication. 

I Thought My Husband Was Intense – Then I Found Out He Has Asperger’s

How on earth could I have been married to a man for 15 years and not recognize that he had Asperger Syndrome?

How To Overcome The 4 Things That Doom Most Relationships

Spoiler alert: it’s mostly about not being an asshole.

A Negotiation Tactic Taught Me I Deserve Better Than Crappy Men

It’s called “BATNA”, and it’s why I love being single now.

Everything You Think You Know About Emotion Is Wrong

Are we at the mercy of our emotions – or do we actually create them?

Here’s Why You Should Never Have A Serious Talk With Your Partner Before

Your chances of getting what you want from your partner are drastically lowered, unless you read on…

Why Science Says You Shouldn’t Text Him Back Right Away

Turns out men and rats really aren’t that different.

Why I Give Men Feedback After Our Dates

Wouldn’t you want to know how you could improve?

23 Things Men Say, And What They REALLY Mean

‘That looks great!’ = Pick a dress, I want to leave this store immediately.

Are We The Laziest Generation Of Friends Ever?

Seriously, how hard is it to be on time?!

How To Get Men To Open Up And Talk

Getting men to talk about how they feel, relationships, or what’s weighing heavily on their minds, is a mystery to many women. Instinctively, most women know something is going on with their partner, son, or perhaps their dad, but getting them to open up about it is another thing. This is where female intuition fails and the difference between male and female communication is startlingly obvious.

RELATED 5 Ways To Get Dads Involved In Parenting

A key thing to remember is that women and men work through problems differently. Women process problems verbally. As they share their woes their brain is processing solutions, therefore, during a crisis women tend to talk about it. Most males won’t do that, however.

What many males hear from females during these times is that there is a problem. In his head he’s usually thinking that if she didn’t need him to fix it, why would she talk about it? Men on the other hand work through problems internally and on a very private level. They often don’t want to discuss their issues and can become defensive if women pester them to verbalise what they are thinking.

This is often why men are quieter when there is a problem. Many women tend to misinterpret this as a sign that the man doesn’t care, or isn’t concerned about the issue at hand, and unfortunately, arguments begin or separation and divorce can result.

The first step in getting a man to talk is to understand this fact. The second thing women need to know is that men think on their feet – literally. Sitting down and talking isn’t their first option. If there’s something wrong most men prefer to hibernate with their thoughts for a time, come up with a solution, and put it into action. They want to fix the problem, but they’d prefer not to talk about fixing the problem.

So, what’s the trick to get males to open up? One word ladies… Timing. Females often speak to males with urgency and neglect to wait for the right moment. It’s like a child wanting mum’s attention when she’s busy cooking dinner and alike. Luckily, most of us learn about timing as a teen when we work out exactly when to ask our parents for something you know they might not agree to. Most of us have timed things to work in our favour and it’s the same concept.

In this particular case, it means looking for cues to open a conversation. For example, when men are tired you won’t get much out of them. Also, if they are preoccupied with something unrelated, don’t bother asking how they feel or talking about that certain issue that’s been lurking around. No joy there, either!

Each male and female relationship is different, so women need to look back on the patterns of when the male in their life has opened up in the past. Using my sons as an example, I know for a fact I can’t get much out of them when they are engaged in a computer game or out with their friends. I do know, however, that I can get them to openly discuss stuff that’s on their mind when they are in the car and we are driving somewhere.

Life is filled with these types of patterns and behavioural cues. Once you recognise them, regardless of the situation, you can easily use them to your advantage. As communicating is such an integral part of a relationship, recognising a male’s conversation patterns is vital for females to understand. Only then can they get the males in their life to be more open and learn to share their thoughts more freely.

Image via focus.de

Weekend Wit: Funny Texts Round 2

When you stop and think about how communication has changed in the last twenty years it’s pretty awesome. We can be virtually anywhere in the world at anytime and communicate with others via text. We don’t need to wait to be face to face or even voice to voice to speak.

RELATED Weekend Wit: Text Fails That Will Have You In Stitches!

This does however open the law of averages to work against us. For every positive change welcomes a brand new negative. That’s harmless enough considering the convenience we all experience isn’t it? It might be a stray text to a stranger or unwitting recipient or perhaps the infamous auto-correct with a brain of it’s own. Others may use text to say things to people they’d NEVER say face to face and then of course there’s that misunderstanding which sometimes occurs with all types of digital communication.

For us onlookers it’s all pretty funny, but please spare a thought for a few the people actually receiving some of these. You’ll know which ones I mean after you take a look. So let’s see first hand how the wonderful law of averages is working against some people out there!

 

broncos

Man talk 101.

coffee

Toast… goat. Pissed… coffee. We can all see how spell check did that can’t we?

drunk

No dude, not too drunk at all.

erotica

Is this fate’s way of saying don’t go to the party?

fondled

Clearly auto correct has sex on the brain.

gran-died

The slipped finger phenomenon.

k

Clearly not the response they were hoping for?

long-dong

Notice when “image” was mentioned it helped provide the visual.

shitting

Yet a second visually appealing text.

vagina

Speaking of visuals. Does that really look like a vagina?

at-kfc

Poor Moooma ain’t loosing that weight any time soon.

dad's-dead

Proof that people can actually text without a single operational brain cell.

laughing

This dad just had his heart restated without a defibrillator.

love-dads-smile

What an evil little ……!

mums-vibrator

Awesome way to get rid of the kids! Anyone seen my phone?

my-son

Prime example of a great father / son relationship.

nasty-FB-mom

Anyone willing to offer this child some Pro-Bono counseling?

obviously

Great way to suppress a thriving libido.

owned-by-mom

One for Mum and minus zero for smart ass.

protections

s-condoms

Way to give ya boys some confidence with the ladies!

shotgun

I’d vote this man Father of the Year.

sugar-daddy

How can she continue to 🙂 after that initial text?

time-to-go

This last one actually makes me feel like a better parent.

So, I hope you all enjoyed the second round of funny texts. I’ll admit, not as funny as the first round but hey, some of those were just too hard to beat. No matter how hard I searched! Hopefully in a few more months people will come up with some more funny texts to entertain us. In the meantime if you have something tucked away that’s witty or funny and you think others will enjoy, we’d love to hear from you.

Sex And The Single Girl: Casual Sex 101

Picture this: It’s holiday season, you’ve been happily single for a year now (by choice, obvs) as you’re far too busy being fabulous, successful and carefree to want a serious relationship just now, but you’ve developed an urgent need for some hot lovin’.

RELATED: Sex And The Single Girl: Top 5 Sexual Turn-Offs

Do you:
a) Invest in yet another vibrator (yawn)
b) Eat more chocolate cake (like, a lot more)
c) Take up kickboxing to vent your sexual frustration and/or
d) Contemplate a holiday romance, fling or casual sex encounter, whatever term your fancy.

If you answered d), take a deep breath and let’s talk about the “rules”, girlfriend.

Sexologists and relationship experts alike say you’ll want to strongly consider the following hot topics below and/or include them for possible discussion with Mr-Perfect-For-Now if and when you decide to take up a short-term “fuck buddy” over the summer break. Of course, if it’s a one-night night you’d prefer, there probably won’t be a lot of deep and meaningful dialogue.

casual sex, casual sex rules, holiday romance The rules

  • Don’t expect cuddling, basking or canoodling after sex. If he bolts straight for the door after the big event, and you’re sure you’re just after casual sex, you need to learn to be OK with this, lady.
  • You can’t expect to introduce your booty call to your friends, family or pets. Dude ain’t yours for the keeping (and you don’t want him long-term anyway).
  • Be upfront about your expectations and feelings, or lack thereof: sure, relationships can grow out of casual sex, but you’ve got to make sure you’re both on the same page when it comes to love and commitment. Honesty is absolutely key.
  • Do not act like a girlfriend and develop a strong emotional attachment to hot casual sex man if you don’t want a relationship. Save yourself (and him) the complication and possible heartbreak; leave your emotions at the door.
  • Don’t be greedy and selfish in the bedroom: this is the time to be adventurous, find out what truly blows your hair back and experiment with new sexual positions and/or role play. Just be sure that he’s into it, too.
  • Ensure you’re in control of both your emotions and your actions to avoid unsafe scenarios.
  • Always, always practice safe sex. Always. Did I mention always? No ifs, ands or buts, if he won’t wear a condom, abort!

casual sex, casual sex rules, holiday romance

What do you think? What are your casual sex rules?

Images via www.someecards.com.

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