True love isn’t actually about being compatible, or even about ‘understanding’ one another.
He fell in love with you
Why? Because you were interesting; because you had some mystery about you; because of your personality. The two of you were compatible back when you were your own woman. So there’s no benefit to ditching your own life to spend every waking moment with him. And switching your hobbies for his isn’t a good idea either. Quitting pottery for fly-fishing will only make you resentful in the end, unless of course you like gutting fish.
Open your mind
Back in your school days you might have studied German, woodwork, art and drama all in the one day. After school there was netball or swimming or flute lessons. Every week, both your body and mind had a full workout. In the real world, a typical work day provides you with far less variety. And if all of your personal time is spent just hanging out with your guy, there’s a whole lot of your body and mind that’s not receiving any stimulation. There’s a lot of potential bottled up inside you that’s going to waste. When you do have a variety of interests, you’ll feel much more balanced as a person. And when you’re happy, your relationship can only benefit.
When your beloved disappears for a few days with work or the boys, it’s not too hard to pass the time. Drinks with the girls on Friday night and Saturday afternoon on the sofa watching Grease are great ways to while away the day or even a weekend. But what happens if he disappears for a lot longer, say forever? Once you’ve memorised all the words to Hopelessly Devoted To You you’re going to have a lot of empty time on your hands. While you’ve given up your life, your friends have all got on with theirs. Having your own hobbies and interests at times like these can really help pull you through. If you can maintain a full life, it won’t collapse when he’s no longer in it.
By Louise Pattie
*Louise Pattie is a freelance writer who likes motivating others and enjoys a range
of unfashionable hobbies.