Everything you need to know about playing in the backyard…
“You just feel disgusting and there’s nothing you can do.”
“To see statistically significant HIV protection is a great step forward.”
Most men are reluctant about using condoms, but we have a naughty little skill which may be just the thing to change his mind. Hey, if you have to use them, you may as well use them to your advantage, right! Give him a treat and apply it with your mouth. It’s highly recommended for oral sex as well as intercourse.
With so many varieties and flavors on the market, why not have a bit of fun with them. It’s a lot like turning the humble condom into a playful little sex toy. Go for a flavored variety and add your own edible lube otherwise you will end up with a really awful taste in your mouth. There’s nothing sexy about a mouth full of sickly tasting goo!
Now, don’t assume this is going to be easy. You’ll need to practice so grab some cheap condoms because you’ll probably rip a few. There’s a real art to it. After you’ve mastered it, then you can experiment with different varieties. If you start by using ribbed ones, you’ll probably be a bit out of your league. Keep it simple and work toward the tricky stuff later. Seriously, don’t forget edible lube. This makes the condom much easier to apply and provides extra sensitivity for him.
1. Use your hands to take the condom out of the wrapper. Ripping it open with your teeth can puncture it. Yeah, it’s sexy, but it’s a no-no.
2. Unroll it slightly, taking notice of which way it’s unrolling. It needs to unroll as you lower your mouth, so make sure you have it the right way round. Practice this before you put it in your mouth because if it’s the wrong way around, you’ll have to start again.
3. Apply some lube to your lips, inside the tip of the condom and to the tip of your man’s penis. Like we said it does make it easier to apply and make it more sensitive for him, plus it prevents it from breaking.
4. Pinch the tip before you put it in your mouth. If you place it snugly over the top of his penis, there will be nowhere for the semen to go later.
5. This is when you put it in your mouth. This image should help you understand the positioning.
6. Suck the tip in slightly and hold it in place by putting it behind your teeth using your tongue.
7. Now that you have it in place, lower your mouth to the head of his penis. You can use a hand to hold his penis so you are in charge of what’s going on.
8. In one swift motion, lower your mouth so the condom unrolls over his penis. Your lips will basically do the work as you lower your mouth. This motion should unroll the condom and position it correctly. Make sure you keep hold of the tip to keep it empty.
9. Use your tongue to flatten the tip of the condom onto the tip of his penis, leaving room for his ejaculation.
10. Position the condom properly using your mouth and tongue, should it not be sitting correctly.
11. If this isn’t working, use your other hand to position it correctly.
12. Add more lube and you are done!
This will get easier with practice. You might find a way that works better for you, because it is a bit tricky keeping the tip in your mouth as you unroll it with your lips. If you find it gets stuck, add more lube.
Try to keep your teeth out of it. Some people use their teeth to unroll it or position it, but when you use your teeth there is a much greater chance of ripping it.
Lastly, give him plenty of eye contact throughout the entire process. Position yourself so he can see what’s going on. Men enjoy visual stimulation, so make a performance and you’ll never have any protest using condoms ever again!
Image via m4.biz.itc.cn/pic/new/x580/31/86/Img6428631_x580.jpg
Condoms. Love them, or hate them, they are, for a lot of people, a fact of life.Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, condoms were made of animal’s intestines. Eeew! And what’s more they were often re-used because people couldn’t afford a new one each time.
Thankfully, times changed… In particular, 1844 was a good year for lovers. This was the year that Goodyear (yes, the tyre people) developed a condom made from vulcanised rubber, a treated form of rubber which gave the old ‘rubbers’ their strong, elastic properties.
Happy days! But it wasn’t until the 1930s that the latex condom that we are so familiar with now came into popular use.
DUO Condoms recently conducted a survey to learn more about Aussies and the good old condom. We thought you’d be interested in the results.
It’s still a man’s world, with 67% of condoms being purchased by men. Sisters are doing it for themselves too, with 33% of us picking up a pack now and then.
And it’s interesting to note that 60% of all condom purchases happen in the supermarket! It makes sense really – some strawberries, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, tissues – and ah, yes, condoms! Makes for the perfect night in!
DUO have also revealed an interesting fact – 51% of condom buyers are aged 27-36 years with the remaining 49% from the 18-24 years age group. So, condoms aren’t necessarily used only by spotty adolescents!
But speaking of which, one in ten young, single males admit to purchasing condoms from ‘ready access’ venues like service stations, convenience stores and vending machines in toilets. Perhaps, like good little Boy Scouts, they like to Be Prepared?
You may have only just met him, or you may have known him for years, whichever, there is still a definite procedure you should follow before you let your knicker elastic get too slack!
- Find out his name.
- Find out if he’s a good kisser.
- Tell him your favourite joke and anecdote.
- Hope he gets the former and doesn’t say, “and then what happened” when you’ve finished relating the latter.
- Remove unwanted body hair.
- Talk about sex. If you’re too embarrassed to talk about it with him you shouldn’t be doing it with him.
- While you’re talking about it ask about his test results. And we’re not talking about his driving test, bar exam or IQ test.
- Find his stash of porno mags to see what rocks his world. (Come on, all guys have them, no matter how ‘nice’.) Look between the mattress and bed base, or behind the bed head. If they’re standard stuff – women with men, women masturbating, women with women, group action – fine. If you find pictures of women with dogs, women being chained up and beaten, women peeing on someone’s chest, men doing men, or anyone under the age of 12 naked, get the hell out of there. Fast.
- Don’t get utterly trashed beforehand. You won’t enjoy the sex as much. Alcohol may make you feel sexy but it actually impairs sexual functioning such as ability to orgasm. And you will lie there like a surfboard with a pulse and he’ll tell his mates that you’re a dud bash. Plus, the only memory of the experience may be those flashbacks that will make your cheeks burn in shame for years to come, such as tumbling down a restaurant staircase wearing no underpants or throwing up in his bed.
- Do everything but . It’s hugely erotic and gives you both the chance to feel comfortable being intimate.
- Buy some condoms in case he hasn’t, or he’s all out.
- Make sure he understands when no means no, and when no means yes.
- Feel confident in your body. Whatever your imperfections, real or imagined, you are going to be naked and the mere sight of a naked woman is enough to turn him on. A lot.
- Never sleep with someone you’d be ashamed to own up to having slept with.
- Invest in some beautiful new underwear, it should give you extra sexual confidence.
- If you want him to call you, don’t sleep with him on the first date or the first time you meet him. You are a fool if you do. (This may be the oldest piece of advice in the world, but also the best.)
- Make sure he’s not married, or has a girlfriend, or a boyfriend.
- Make sure he’s not a tight wad. Going Dutch at dinner is fine, however, if he dissects the bill and adds up the cost of everything you ate and drank down to the last cent and mouthful his meanness indicates that he will also be stingy in the sack. Get him to drop you home and refuse to give him any petrol money when he asks.
- Beware if he professes excessively that he “really loves women”, that “all women are beautiful in their own way”. Be equally as cautious if he refers to you as his “lovely lady”, or says something like, “why is my lovely lady blue tonight?” This indicates a total creep and/or a potential misogynist. Don’t do it.
- If you’re thinking, “What the hell, why not? Sex & The City’s not on TV tonight and anyway I haven’t had sex in six months,” definitely don’t. Desperation or boredom is not a great reason to sleep with someone (although I know a few men who would disagree!).
- If you get tingles in the pit of your belly (and lower) and your teeth clench when you think about him, and you’re having lurid thoughts about him during important meetings and he makes you rampantly horny – definitely do it. Even if the eventual sex isn’t so good between you or it doesn’t develop into anything more than a fling at least you experienced some earth-shattering excitement.
- Use his favourite old t-shirt that he left in your drawers to polish your best pair of pumps to a glassy polish.
- Bring that framed picture of the two of you the next time you go out bar-hopping to remind you of the dire consequences of drinking and dating.
- Send back the pack of unused condoms he left at your place with a note that says, “Thanks, but I had to upgrade to a larger size”.
- Next time you run out of ribbon use his old ties and cut them up for colourful bows.
- Mail any embarrassing toiletries such as dandruff shampoo, cream or whatever to his new girlfriend.
- Break out his stash of fancy beer that’s been hogging your fridge space and cart it across the hall to a hot new neighbour.
- Use his golf clubs as stakes for your tomato plants.
- Not sure if your car stereo is still devouring tapes? Better test it out with that corny Favourite Love Songs he made you for your last birthday.
- Use his toe nail clippers to trim your bonsai tree.
- Bring any of his leftover sporting equipment you don’t want and donate it to the local sporting club.