Dating-advice-dating-tips

Ultimate Tips For A Kick-Ass Dating Profile

Everyone wants a kick-ass dating profile, right? Well, apart from having an awesome pic with your smiling mug on it, you really need to focus on your wording. Despite us all being highly visual creatures who predominately look first, people who are serious about wanting a relationship will take the time to read about the person in front of them.

RELATED: 49 Dating Secrets Revealed

Unfortunately, this is where the battle of the sexes reignites yet again. The opposite sex don’t always agree with what the other assume is a positive trait. Why? There are heaps of English words with multiple meanings. For example, when single ladies describe themselves using words such as strong, they assume it’s telling a prospective date that they’re independent, self-reliant and resilient.

While other women are often in awe of ladies who confidently describe themselves as strong, this little adjective can be a major turn-off for men. In fact, some men claim that when they spot words such as strong on a dating profile, they can’t click away fast enough. To them, this word – and words with similar meanings – are simply code for pushy, demanding and domineering.

So how do you get across who you are without scaring away prospective partners? Luckily, I’ve got some tips for you on how to produce a kick-ass dating profile. Just follow these simple guidelines and it should help you present yourself better and give you options to describe who you are in more accurate detail.

Tip 1: Be honest

There’s nothing worse than a liar in the game of love. So if you’re serious about finding that special someone then you need to be completely honest. Start by using an image of yourself and keep the editing to a minimal. Don’t Photoshop yourself down to a large breasted skeleton or buff yourself up to be a body builder if your not. Instead use an image which accentuates your best assets and you can’t go wrong.

The same principal applies to the wording. For example, if you don’t earn a six figure salary or model swimwear don’t claim to. Why? The key thing to remember is that good solid relationships are based upon trust and respect. So if you lie about yourself from the get-go you’ll basically be screwing up any potential for a long-term relationship.

Tip 2: Choose the right image

If you really want a serious relationship, you need to put some effort into it. Ideally make sure your profile picture is the very best image you have. Think about what you want your image to say about you. Don’t just upload a selfie quickly snapped in front of your screen. Go that one step further and put some thought into what you want your first impression to say about you.

Tip 3: Carefully select your wording

Although it might be tempting to describe yourself using a few generalized words such as masculine or independent it’s much better to give these words some thought before you commit to using them. To do this I’d recommend reviewing each one using a Thesaurus. Yeah I know this may sound tedious. Yet by doing this you’ll be able to describe yourself much more accurately plus leave less scope for misinterpretation.

I’ll give you an example using the word independent. Below are some synonyms (words with similar meaning) directly from thesaurus.com.

  • autonomous
  • self-reliant
  • self-sufficient
  • individualistic
  • on one’s own
  • self-determining
  • self-governing
  • self-ruling
  • self-supporting
  • separated
  • unconnected
  • unconstrained
  • uncontrolled

Additionally, thesaurus.com provide a list of related words:

  • alone
  • aloof
  • disconnected
  • distant
  • divorced
  • separated
  • special

Notice that there are multiple meanings of this word and some of them aren’t exactly complimentary? Instead I’d recommend selecting more appropriate and specific words from the list. For example if want to use the word independent to describe that you’re self-reliant or self-sufficient use the more accurate words because they are far more descriptive about who you are.

Additionally where possible provide more detail along with the adjectives you use to describe yourself. Take the word enthusiastic for example. What are you enthusiastic about? A serial killer could be enthusiastic to seek his next victim but if your enthusiasm is more akin to gardening then adding this additional information will help you find a more suitable partner.

As the wording is so important here’s a couple of resources – www.thesaurus.com and Positive Personality Adjectives.

Well that’s about it. If you’re completely honest, choose the right image and carefully select your wording you’ll create yourself a kick-ass dating profile and be well on your way to meeting that special someone!

Image wikihow.com

August 24, 2015

Sex And The Single Gal: The Disappearing Man Act

Have you ever seriously dated a man and then – poof – just like magic, he literally disappeared?!

Welcome to the Mysterious Case of the Disappearing Man – a puzzling, astonishing, and infuriating phenomenon which often occurs in the dating game, whereby the man you’re knocking socks with will suddenly vanish off the face of the earth.

Related: Sex And The Single Gal: Why Flying Solo’s Good For You

It’s happened to me and it’s most likely happened to you, or at least to someone you know. For me, it was a suave, older businessman whom I’d been seriously dating for a few months, who appeared so keen on me he introduced me to both his mother and his teenage son. Long divorced, he seemed like a good guy and eventually wined, dined and seduced me with gusto after we first met at a bar.

He pursued me – not the other way around – and on the day he vanished, he’d even made dinner plans with me, right down to the time he was going to pick me up to head out to a restaurant. When he didn’t show, I rang him on his mobile, genuinely concerned for his welfare.

And after leaving several messages for him – all of which were unreturned – it dawned on me the next day that, shockingly, the dude had disappeared on me.

What a gutless wonder?! Instead of having the balls to tell me he was unhappy, or wasn’t feeling it – anything, something – he’d pulled a vanishing act.

relationships, dating, emotional honesty

Now, when this maddening situation happens to you, you may be inclined – as I was – to over-analyse every detail of your last meeting and/or both yours and his behaviour for clues as to why he did the “Harry Holt”.

Don’t, sister, just don’t – who knows what was going on inside this coward’s head and why? And, even more the point – who the hell cares? The fact of the matter is he’s gone, so dry your tears and get on with the business of being fabulous – at least, that’s my advice.

For, from my experience, you really really don’t want to spend any time pining after or grieving the loss of a man whose cowardice will ultimately be his own undoing. So, let the Houdini disappear and inwardly thank both him, and the universe, for his exit from your life, even if it was painfully undignified. For if he can’t behave like a grown man, and treat you with the respect and emotional honesty you deserve, he ain’t the man for you!

And down the track, you will most likely see the funny side of the situation and happily regale friends with the full story. Hell, I’m actually fairly convinced I may have been a “beard” for my Houdini – his mother was very taken with me, way more than him, clearly! Ha!

relationships, dating, emotional honesty

Relationship experts say it’s worthwhile taking some time out from the dating scene – even fleetingly – to get your mojo back after you’ve been crushed by a disappearing bastardo.

Another key piece of relationship advice on combating wounds caused by  emotionally bankrupt Houdinis is to stay as humanly busy as possible and focus on your loved ones, work and most importantly, yourself.

Take up a new exercise class, or pursue a new passion – most of all, do not chase or stalk, via social media, this cretinous human who deemed you unworthy of both his time and a dignified break-up.

You’re way too fabulous for that, girlfriend! Instead, you can look forward with hope to meeting someone amazing and worthy of you with the heart of a lion, not a mouse.

Here endeth the rant.

Main image via giftsofhisglory.com, secondary image via thisisdesignondesign.blogspot and final image via lacherinsurance.com.

June 17, 2015

49 Dating Secrets Revealed

Australia’s Millionaire Matchmaker – aka Trudy Gilbert – has just released her new book 49 Secrets of an Elite MatchmakerSHESAID was lucky enough to peer through the pages and snag an interview. So we took the opportunity to ask her about the book, her dating knowledge and what’s next for this highly ambitious lady. We even unveil a few extra secrets, which The Bachelor fans will find exciting, so read on.

RELATED: The Single Girl’s Guide To Online Dating

49 Secrets of an Elite Matchmaker contains the type of advice Trudy offers her clients:

“Having helped so many people, it got me thinking: “What if I was able to help more people besides my clients?” Thus the idea for the book was born. 49 Secrets of an Elite Matchmaker is a culmination of everything I’ve heard and learned over the last nine years from single men and women. I’ve learnt so much, from what I’ve seen work to what I’ve seen fail, and why some people find a match and others don’t.”

The clients Trudy is talking about are some of Australia’s top-earning professionals. They aren’t mainstream singles you’ll find on standard dating websites. All are looking for long-term relationships. Membership costs $4995, so Trudy’s clients are pretty serious about the business of finding a partner.

We asked Trudy if some of the book’s content would be more relevant to her clients, rather than mainstream singles:

“It wasn’t difficult to give a broad view of dating as these are common issues we all face… some issues are common and others are more specific.”

That explains why Trudy included a chapter on narcissism, which other dating advice books neglect:

“I included narcissism in the book as I wanted to save them from being attached to these personalities. It can be hard to detect these personality types until sometimes you are too far into the relationship.”

Trudy explains around 1 in 100 people has narcissistic traits and therefore the chances of bumping into a narcissist are reasonably high, particularly for high paid execs. Although she has no intention of entering into the mainstream dating market, the information she’s presented does translate well for the masses. Things like happiness, attractiveness, why people are still single, game playing, myths, settling, chemistry and so much more.

It’s not just a book for women either. Men get an idea of what women want as well. It seems Trudy has the dirt on both sexes! We wanted to use some of her knowledge to our advantage, so we asked what she believes are the main differences between single men and women:

“Men focus on what a woman looks like vs women who focus on personality. Men don’t need to know so much about a woman before they meet (whereas women do). Men focus on a fun bubbly personality and women look for a man who is reliable and trustworthy. Men tend to live in the moment, whereas women tend to jump ahead and analyse. Eg. Will he be my husband while on date number 2?”

Sounds pretty spot on. The book goes into these sorts of things in much more detail. There’s gender-specific chapters, singles specific chapters and general knowledge which anyone could benefit from. Many of Trudy’s clients are now off the market, but what they’ve shared is highly relevant for people looking to revitalize their relationships or understand their partner a little better.

Trudy clearly has something to offer couples as well as singles, so we asked if she’s thought about widening her focus:

“No, not yet. I am so busy with my current business. When daters become couples, my job is finished and I get an incredible amount of joy hearing they are happy.”

It seems Trudy is one of those inspirational ladies where anything is a possibility so, we had to ask what’s next:

“Currently working on another book, in talks with a production company for a new dating show, licensing opportunities for the business around Australia.”

Hmm, now here’s a lady who thinks BIG! Looks like The Bachelor fans may be in store for some home-grown competition! After reading the book and interviewing Trudy, one would assume her contestants would have a much better chance finding real love, than the recent Bachelor fiasco! That’s for sure.

For now though, 49 Secrets of an Elite Matchmaker and Elite Introductions is Trudy’s primary focus. When we asked her if there was anything else she’d like to share about the book, upcoming events, promotions; anything which she would like to let readers know about, she finished off with:

“If you want to have a great date before Christmas, give us a call. My clients appreciate the high standards I hold when encouraging people to join the agency. Ladies, believe me, there are still some lovely, chivalrous eligible single bachelors in this town who want the same as you – a beautiful relationship”.
  
If you don’t meet the demographic and are looking for love, buy yourself a copy of 49 Secrets of an Elite Matchmaker instead. It’s well worth every cent!

November 10, 2014

How To Take Your First Step Into Online Dating

Take your pride and bury it. Trust me, you don’t need it as much as you think you do. Online dating is an alternative universe with no correlation to the real world. What you want is a full inbox of prospective mates. Actually filtering through the men is up to you, but I can help you with the all that come beforehand.

Sign up. You have now entered the matrix of internet romance, where fantasy reigns.

Be original with your self description – within reason. Understand there are key words men like to hear: Spontaneous, independent and active. You might be rolling your eyes but think about it from a man’s perspective. They are terrified of meeting a dependapotamos who expects to be taken care of. You’re just worried about meeting a serial killer. The words ‘active and spontaneous’ give the impression you have the resources and the independence to leave your house every now and again. If you really are a hermit, be funny about it. I once read a woman’s profile where she said, “I hate hiking. I don’t even like going outside.” She won points for humour.

Describe your interests. Men are scanning your photos first but they do actually read the profile. This is where you talk about the things you are interested in. If it is rock climbing – explain why. What is it about hanging off a boulder you like so much? I’m actually interested in this answer because it looks like such a weird way to get from A to B, but that’s just me. Explain the attraction to it. This also gives the impression you have other passions, aside from nabbing a boyfriend. If you write a profile which reads like a resume, it is hard for people to tailor a message about you. Men love romantic comedies almost as much as women and they are hoping to be delighted, so swallow your pride and do your best Zooey Deschanel.

Keep it short. Especially if you think you are really good at this kind of thing. Well-written, short descriptions get the most replies and we are now using algorithms and advanced math to get you a boyfriend. Don’t be afraid to tell a little story, but make it a vignette. No one actually reads short stories.
Before you upload your profile, take out the description of yourself as someone who loves to laugh. Be funny, instead. Dry, sardonic, self-deprecating. Scan your profile like you are writing for Seinfeld and make a funny. Even if it falls flat, the attempt will be appreciated. Even if it’s not funny, a joke is the online equivalent of signaling it is safe to approach you. If we were chimpanzees, you would bend forward and expose your genitals. There are online dating sites devoted to this kind of thing, but don’t do it on Match.com or RSVP.

Work out what you are looking for. Some people get stuck here for years. Don’t mention your list of must-haves in a partner or even the deal-breakers. In fact, take out anything negative. Touch on a few qualities you are looking for, but the list of a 101 must-haves is best kept in your hope chest (yes, the one you haven’t used yet).

Fill out the questionnaire. Be honest with yourself. The questionnaire is where you mention if you want to get married and have children or not. Read their answers and see how you feel about them. Their answers will let you know where they sit on the kinky sex spectrum and who knows, you might have just found your Dominant Daddy.

Text or call before you meet. This is important in case they are a troll who lives under a bridge. Some people Skype before they meet. Skyping really depends on how you come off on camera, it can be kind of unforgiving. Also, prepping the backdrop so you look breezy and sophisticated can’t hurt. Remember: everyone is lying through their teeth and they always have in the game of love and romance. If you do Skype, try not to stare at your own image during the entire conversation. They can see that.

Write to people. Try to be less generic than, “Hi”. Some of these people will not write back to you. A handsome man told me women write to him all the time and say, “You’re the first person I have ever messaged!” When he doesn’t write back, he notices their profiles have been deleted a week later. Don’t delete your profile out of shock. If it is any consolation – you were getting rejected all the time in real life, it just wasn’t so blatant. The hotties are getting 20 messages or more a day. They might be seeing someone but kept their profile up as a vanity project. If you’re the one being bombarded with too many messages then forget everything I just said.

Be very specific about what you are looking for. Let the men eliminate themselves. You are looking for someone who shares your core values. What are core values? That’s another question which takes years to answer, but for a quick preview: Look at what you spend your money on and time thinking about.

Go on the date, anyway. Listen. Ask questions. Do the bravest thing of all and just sit there with nothing to say. That is usually when the most surprising thing happens. Don’t check your phone. Look at their lips and wonder what it is like to kiss them. Don’t visibly recoil if you are not attracted to them. Try not to mentally check out either because they know and it is unkind. Forgive them if they lied about their height, their weight or their income. Online dating is an alternative universe. The only thing truthful is what happens when you both sit down to talk and all the misrepresentations start tumbling out. The gap between who we want you to think we are and who we really are is where the whole of humanity lives.

By Vivienne Walshe

May 10, 2014