Discipline

Coping With Determined Kids And Teens

Loads of parents teach their kids to think for themselves, have goals, opinions and not follow their mates, if they want to jump of a cliff. We encourage them to be proactive in making the world around them a better place. After all, we want them to be able to cope in the world without holding their hand.

Despite this being an excellent way to raise productive, responsible, thoughtful individuals; the major downfall is the determination which presents itself, as they get older. By the time they reach double digits, they have strong beliefs and values, feel comfortable voicing their opinions and question the authority of their parents. You might be thinking to yourself, “What on earth have I done?”

Don’t despair, because if they are questioning you, they are also questioning the world around them. They won’t be likely to smoke that cigarette, because their mates are doing it or go against their values and beliefs in other ways. The main thing you need to know, is how to cope with this determination, without undoing all your hard work or passing them along to a family member, in fear grounding them for life!

Firstly, congratulate yourself on making it this far and creating a determined kid. Every child on the planet at the age of around 10-12 will begin to break away from their parents. Some start earlier, some later, but during this critical age, they are developing their self identity. Therefore, there is a lot going on behind the scenes, which they aren’t even aware of. Hormones are playing havoc with their brains and their bodies. 

As the supporting parent, you need to let them become the person they are envisaging and the person you have encouraged them to be. This doesn’t mean they can get away with being disrespectful or rude either. This is where boundaries will be a parents best friend. Set your boundaries and stick to them.

This can be easier said than done. If your child is especially determined, they will push every boundary you put in place for them. They want to see how far they can go, before you set the limit. They are actually pushing to find that limit, and if you don’t give it to them; be prepared for anarchy. They will run the household. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live in a home run by hormone consumed kids or teens!

They need to know that you are still the parent and they are still your child. This won’t be an easy time as a parent. You thought toddlers were hard work, right? Well teenagers are much like toddlers, except they know they are making your life a living hell! Don’t show them that they are wearing you down and if you have a partner, you need to work together and be a united front; unbreakable and un-dividable.

If there are any cracks in your relationship, your determined kid will find them. It won’t be something they do on purpose. At this age, they are entirely egocentric. You will need to constantly remind them that they are not the only person on the planet.

It’s not all bad though. After this time in their life, your teen will thank you for the support you have given them and the boundaries you set for them. They will know that you have their back, no matter what. Calm will then return to your home. Sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labour, knowing you have created a very strong, capable person.

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By Kim Chartres

September 4, 2014

How To Defuse Toddler Tantrums

Toddler tantrums are a sight to behold – it might even be funny, if it was happening to someone else. Example: My two-and-a-half-year-old just threw a monumental temper tantrum because I committed the motherly crime of cutting her Vegemite sandwich into squares instead of triangles. Please don’t call DoCS!?

Trying to parent a toddler in the midst of the “terrible twos” can be exhausting, baffling, upsetting and downright frustrating time. I thought I knew my little one very well until she started morphing into The Incredible Hulk without warning. So, what causes these ticking time bombs?

Child experts say hunger, fatigue, overstimulation and boredom are common reasons why your little person has headed to Meltdown Town. What’s more, toddlers often can’t yet properly articulate what they want through words, hence their anger and frustration. And, if your feisty toddler’s anything like mine, she’s suddenly turned Little Miss Independent, now refusing to allow me to do simple tasks such as dress/undress her. Gah!?

My husband and I have also grappled with yet another cause of toddler tantrums – setting either too few or too many limits – getting the balance right is tricky. So, how do you defuse these explosive situations without calling in the UN?! Experts say to try these strategies – experiment with what works best with your child’s personality:

Cool as a cucumber

Try to stay calm first and foremost. This is easier said than done, I know! And, just like you would with a wild animal, you’re meant to speak softly to a banshee child.

Art of distraction

This is my fave method of calming a crazy toddler – “Look, quick! Is that a bird outside?” or the like always works a treat. Create fun diversions, where possible.

Tickle funny bones

Humour is a great way to soften an angry toddler – um, apparently! I’m still working on this one myself, though it has worked at times. The trick, experts say, is to use silly humour such as voices, sing-songs and jokes to calm your Hulk.

Keep littlies busy

The idiom “idle hands are the devil’s handiwork” is true with a toddler, methinks. Give them fun and active tasks with which to occupy them and there’s less chance for tantrums. I think…

How do you best cope with and combat toddler tantrums? 

Image via pixabay.com

July 31, 2014

The Ultimate Parenting Tip: Consistency

Do you have toddlers or kids that have taken over of the household? Do they manage to get what they want by screaming, yelling, tantrums or other negative behaviour? If you want a simple solution to your problem child….this article is for you!

Don’t beat yourself up about what’s happened in the past, because you have the power and opportunity to change things. It doesn’t matter how hopeless you feel the situation has become either. Rather than giving your child the impression they might get what they want by screaming, nagging or tantrums; you need to let them know that they won’t. No matter how bad the behaviour gets, don’t give in. Being consistent with you child is the only way your child will learn, when you say no, you mean it.

So, how do you do it? Obviously, things will take some time to rectify, so don’t start this change in the middle of the shopping centre! The best place to start is in your own home, with smaller things. For example; smaller children often play up at bedtime. Being consistent with their bed time routine is essential. What they want is your attention. Don’t give it to them. Engaging your child each time they call out or are out of bed only reinforces the behaviour.

Once they have been put to bed, unless they need your attention, rather than simply want it; ignore them. Even if they scream, cry, hurl things across the room; whatever. Sit against the bedroom door if you have to so they can’t get out or hurt themselves. Be prepared for a full blown episode on the first and possible second or third occasion. An hour or two to start is not unusual. Within a week, they will get the idea that there is no point in getting up and down and when they go to bed, they will stay there. This is the foundation of consistency for your child.

Whatever the situation is, consistency should be your number one objective. If you go to the supermarket, don’t give in on that one or two occasions at the checkout, unless you are prepared to do it each time you visit. If you tell you child you are leaving the park, don’t give into their demands when they want to stay, unless you are prepared to deal with their negative behaviour each time you leave.

Being consistent will also provide valuable boundaries which every child craves, plus teach them essential life skills. As they get older you won’t have children who run your home, abuse you or use other methods of manipulation to get their way. Remember, your child will get older and giving into small demands when they are young will turn into more extravagant demands in years to come! 

By Kim Chartres

June 12, 2014