eHarmony Finds Freudian Theory Persists In Dating

Our parents have a substantial influence on the romantic partners we eventually choose, said Freud, and according to the latest findings from eHarmony, Australians are not exempt. The third phase of the online dating site’s Relationship Study explores family impact on our romantic relationships – particularly parental and sibling influence, and the effect of our upbringing on our choice of partner.     

The research reveals that the overwhelming majority (91 per cent) of Aussies want their partner to share qualities their parents have; three quarters would be romantically interested in someone with comparable values to their parents; and over half would be attracted to someone with similar personality traits to their mother or father.

The top qualities we look for in a partner to have in common with our parents are respect (65 per cent), honesty and kindness (63 per cent), and compassion (53 per cent)

eHarmony’s dating and relationship expert Melanie Schilling says parental influence plays a crucial role in our relationships.

“People tend to be naturally attracted to qualities they find familiar and comfortable, so it makes sense that we look for partners who exhibit similar characteristics to those who have played such pivotal roles in our lives,” she said.

But values aren’t the only influence that our families have over our relationships. The lifestyle we experienced in our upbringing also plays an important part when it comes to finding a mate.

The study shows 83 per cent of Aussie singles look for a partner who has had a similar or better lifestyle than they had growing up, while over three-quarters would like their partner to be as financially successful (or more) as their parents.

Interestingly, despite seeking out a partner with similar values and personality traits to their parents’, the study shows that when it comes to attraction, mum and dad have very little influence. 62 per cent of respondents say they would be attracted to someone who is nothing like their parents.

Likewise, while the relationship we have with our siblings is one of the most powerful and unique, 45 per cent wouldn’t date someone with a personality similar to a brother or sister, and 60 per cent wouldn’t date someone who looks like one of their siblings.

“While we cannot underestimate the power of ‘the familiar’ when it comes to our relationships, dating today has come a long way since the days of Freud.

“eHarmony has found that happy, long-lasting relationships are based on compatibility, so it’s great to see that Australians are setting themselves up for success by gravitating towards partners with qualities that are fundamentally important to them, whether inherited from their parents or not,” Melanie said.

September 22, 2014

Friends Are Like Lovers – Minus The Smarts And Looks

Good listening and communication skills, loyalty, and a sense of humour – these are the basic building blocks for long lasting relationships – not only of the romantic variety, but friendships too, according to eHarmony. In the second instalment of the online dating site’s Relationship Study, friendships come under the spotlight, focusing on the qualities that make for strong bonds, similarities between friendships and romantic relationships, and perceptions of best friends.

Friends are same as partners – sort of

eHarmony’s study finds that Aussies ultimately seek the same qualities in a friend as they do in a partner, with good listening skills and loyalty topping the list as the most valued qualities in both relationships. This also shows that a foundation based on friendship is essential to long-term romantic relationships. In fact, the study found that nearly 90 per cent of Aussies think a partner should actually be a best friend.

As for the differences, it seems it takes more to qualify as a partner, with Aussies preferring intelligence, attractiveness, strong morals and a hard working attitude much more in a romantic partner than friend. The only qualities we value more in a friend are a supportive nature and good listening skills.

Commenting on the findings, eHarmony’s Marie-Claire Ducharme Sayers says that the qualities we seek in a friend are not far off from what we seek in a romantic partner: “Our study finds that a solid foundation based on compatibility, trustworthiness and good communication is key when it comes to important relationships, whether it be with a best friend or a partner.”

Top qualities that make for good relationships:

Friend Partner
Good listener 76% 73%
Loyalty 75% 81%
Good communicator 60% 70%
Funny 60% 65%
Empathetic 59% 63%
Supportive 57% 65%
Fair 51% 53%
Good shoulder to cry on 51% 49%
Good moral compass 50% 62%
Smart 31% 50%
Hard worker 15% 46%
Attractive 4% 47%


Friendly facts

When looking at friendships more broadly, the research shows more than ninety percent of Aussies believe it’s better to have one friend than 10 acquaintances, with the majority (88 per cent) realising that some friendships are not meant to last forever.

eHarmony Relationship and Dating Expert Melanie Schilling says this is a trend that has come out of social media sites creating shallow connections. “With the rise of online networking, hundreds of thousands of interactions occur by the minute. But our research reveals we are overwhelmingly seeking deeper, more meaningful relationships with a core group of friends.”

“Although social communication is easier than ever before, our capacity for maintaining emotionally close relationships is finite. And while this number may vary from person to person, what holds true in all cases is that quality relationships, founded on compatibility, loyalty and empathy, are most important,” Schilling said.

When it comes to best friends, those aged 18 to 24 have phased out the notion of having a single best friend, instead defining this as a tier of people (75 per cent) – a feeling that consistently diminishes as people age.

Interestingly for some, work seems to double up as a social hub, with more than 60 per cent of Aussies having met some of their best friends in the workplace.

August 1, 2014

3 of the Best Dating Sites

Yesterday was the busiest day of the year for online dating, so we’ve reviewed three of Australia’s best dating sites – RSVP, eHarmony and Plenty of Fish – so you can start the new year with a new love!

Australia’s most popular dating website is RSVP, a dating website that offers a free personality survey and a number of different mobile dating options. Using RSVP is

To create a profile on RSVP, upload a few recent photos, complete your profile information, describe your interests, and what you want out of an ideal partner. After your profile is completed, use RSVP’s customised search function to find other Australian singles that have the specific personality traits, interests, and let’s face it, physical attributes, you desire in a better half.

Where RSVP sets itself apart from other Australian dating websites is that the it uses algorithms to comb through their database, helping match your profile to other singles with similar interests and values. Which means less browsing and more time flirting and chatting with potential partners.

When you find a sexy single that piques your interest, break the ice by sending them a “kiss.” A kiss is a free, preset message that helps you establish a connection.

The next step is to buy “stamps” so you can begin a conversation and chat with your potential match for 30 days. RSVP’s Priority Services cost $14.90 a month, which gets you to the top of the search results, or $29.90 for their Private Service, which allows you to enjoy more privacy, upload more photos, and send Stamps that don’t expire.

eHarmony: 29 Dimensions of Compatibility
Like RSVP, eHarmony gives you access to a large network of Aussie singles. It’s one of the biggest dating networks in the world, thanks in part to its patented 29 Dimensions of Compatibility.

eHarmony’s 29 Dimensions of Compatibility is a computer algorithm that is modeled around the relationship traits frequently found in successful relationships. When you create a profile on eHarmony, the service will match you with another single that has compatible values and interests.

There a number of different chemistry-building communication methods available for aspiring lovebirds. There’s the “Makes or Breaks” feature, and a “Digging Deeper” questionnaire, that allows you to ask to quiz a match about certain personality traits (a.k.a deal breakers). And if you don’t want to give out your contact details, you can chat via their mail service, which is great for security.

eHarmony offers subscription services starting at $59.95 for a one-month subscription, to $239.40 for a year-long subscription.

Plenty of Fish
Plenty of Fish is one of Australia’s most popular dating sites, because it’s always been free so has attracted hundreds of thousands of Aussies. But don’t let that scare you – more singles increases the chance that you’ll find love. There is an upgrade feature but you’re better off saving your cash as it doesn’t really give you any benefits.

Start by taking Plenty of Fish’s “Chemistry Test,” which asks you a number of questions about your interests, romantic history, and romantic desires. It’s a good way to reflect about what you’re looking for in a partner. They also have a popular feature called “Your Relationship Needs,” a test and tutorial that will help you identify past relationship problems, as well as help you find the perfect match now.

What are your favourite dating sites? Share them in the comments!

December 30, 2013