Accepting myself was like learning to ride a bike.
Fake orgasms happens. According to which study you choose to believe, women faking it happens 60 to 80 percent of the time.
Women are putting a lot of energy into pretending to put a lot of energy into sex. Complete with the porn-inspired moans and groans, it’s exhausting work not having an orgasm. And while we think we’re faking it to not hurt our partner’s feelings, the truth is there’s a lot more to it. We’ve used fakery because of our own insecurities. In a lot of cases, we’ve put on a performance in hopes it increases our own passion.
And, yes, let’s admit it, sometimes we do it to get our partner to finish already because we’re tired, bored or our mind is elsewhere.
Is faking it a bad thing?
The answer to that question depends on you.
Would you say you’re faking it more often than not? All the time? Have you essentially accepted that you can’t orgasm, or intercourse doesn’t do it for you?
If you’re happy faking it, by all means, go ahead. But you have to ask yourself if you’re possibly giving up better sex in order to facilitate other aspects of your life.
So, what can you do?
There are probably a few things you can do – tonight! – to kick things up a notch in the bedroom.
1. Set aside what’s distracting you
If you want to have better sex, you need to give yourself to it completely. We are all capable of going through the motions for a myriad of reasons but we shouldn’t accept that as the norm. Forget the job, the kids and the bills. You’re not going to fix the world’s problems in the time it takes to have an orgasm.
2. If you need to fantasise, go for it!
Think about a sexy person or experience that turns you on and makes you forget everything else.
When it comes to sex, the majority of us have fragile egos. You have to let your partner know what’s going on. When you’re not sharing in one department, you pull back in others. You talk about what happened at work or what’s bugging you about the kids and you should talk to them about what turns you on.
4. Make play, not sex, part of your routine
Explore each other’s body simply to turn each other on. Examine and teach, showing one another what pushes your buttons. Let your partner familiarise themselves with the touches and sensations that work best. If you’re into sex toys, have your partner use a vibrator on you, and they’ll see exactly what pushes your buttons.
5. Keep it sexy
With women, sexual intimacy is grounded in emotional intimacy. Without it, sex is purely physical and while that can be fun – a lot of fun, it doesn’t always work in a long-lasting relationship. Studies have shown married people have better sex than their single friends. It’s because of the emotional connection that enriches sex. So send sexy texts to each other, pop up that bottle of bubbly you’ve been saving, and build the electricity.
Guess what – your partner isn’t completely responsible for your orgasms! Learn what turns you on and enjoy teaching them.
What are your best tips to help women stop faking it? Go on – tell us in the comments!