Feel-sexy

Sultry Striptease Minus The Giggles

Did you know women who can do a strip tease for their partner generally have much better sex? Why is that? Well, it’s all about confidence. When it comes to women and sex, confidence is a major turn-on.

Instead of clothing tips, dancing or music selection, let’s get right down to the things which have prevented you from being confident enough to strip for your partner. The first one will be the hardest and once you’re past it, you’ll be well on your way to tweaking it anyway you like. Do we really need to tell you what to wear and what music to dance to? No, that’s all personal choice.

Below are some tips to overcome some of the most common barriers to the sexual confidence you’re looking for. Remember: All sexual behaviour starts with your brain.

Anxiety

For a lot of women, sexual anxiety is a problem. I’m not talking about being unable to perform any sexual act, but about the ones which require you to go outside your comfort zone. The first thing you need to do is recognize where the anxiety is coming from. It may be about swapping roles from nurturer to sexual being or about your body image. Whatever it is that is holding you back from being a confident sexual being, you need to wrap your head around it. Only then, will you be able to confidently perform that elusive strip tease.

Madonna vs whore

Now, most women have had it drummed into them that they aren’t sexual beings. The ones who are sexually confident are labelled whores. Then there’s the Maddona – pure, holy and non-sexual, the type of women which men want to take home to their family and marry. This is societal teaching. Plain and simple.

In reality, women can and should be both without the labels or feeling bad about their sexuality. Plus, men want their women to be sexual beings, but want it to be exclusively for them to witness and appreciate. It’s enough to screw with any woman’s head!

If your anxiety is coming from this type of mentality, you need to work through it. Exposure therapy is used by psychologists with a host of behavioral changes. Do one small progression forward each time you have a sexual encounter, until you reach the goal of performing a strip tease. Begin with sexual acts which are in your comfort zone. Gradually extend it to acts you find a little less comfortable, until you reach a point where the leap from being totally anxious about a strip tease isn’t so gigantic. The more you practice a particular behavior, the easier it gets.

Body image

Body image can affect a person’s sex life significantly, according to Dr. Stephanie Buehler, psychologist, sex therapist and author of Sex & Passion: The Essential Guide. There’s no single defining reason and usually several factors combine and cause poor body image.

Buehler has some tips to improve body image which include:

  1. Focus on what you like about your body, rather than what you don’t like.
  2. Look at yourself as a whole, rather than individual pieces in a mirror.
  3. Exercise and move your body regularly. Recognise its function rather than focus on its appearance.
  4. Understand media representation of people is generally unrealistic. Take notice of regular peoples different shapes, sizes and appearances.
  5. Replace negative self talk with positive self talk. For example, “I have nice eyes, rather than I have a flabby stomach.”

Improving your body image can be a challenge, but it is achievable. If you don’t feel confident with your body, you really are missing out on an awesome sex life. Is it worth it? Absolutely not. It’s the thoughts that run around in your head that you need to take charge of.

If you need help achieving this, go and see a counselor or sex therapist. They will have plenty of strategies to help you be more confident, explore your sexuality, connect better with your partner and strive for a more fulfilling sex life. What do you have to lose? In this case, nothing but your clothes!

Good luck and happy stripping.

Image via http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-and-strip-tease.png

November 12, 2014

Best-ever sex!

Q. I have a great sex life with my partner but we’re not very adventurous. What can we do to spice things up a bit? A. Couples can spice up their relationship through fantasy and sensuality so here are a few ideas:

Dress up and meet your partner at a bar, club or cafe and chat them up taking on new names and persona. Express the playful side and see if your discover something new about your partner by taking on a new role.

Sharing your sexual fantasies can bring a new dimension into play, if you feel embarrassed by this read Nancy Friday’s books on erotic fantasies for men or women.

Learn to do a strip tease for your lover by doing a dance routine, finding music that turns you on, soft lighting and dress up in layers so you are able to undress using the tease as the main theme.

Q. What’s the single most important thing a woman can do to have a great sex life?

A. Having great sex starts with ourselves by feeling turned on and erotic. Often we project onto our partner that they have to turn us on which means that we are always looking outside of ourselves. To feel sexy and sensual, to expand into pleasure and orgasms we need to be able to go inside relax and enjoy, through this we can have great sex without expectation and pressure.

Q. What can I do to overcome the hurt of a past relationship so I can move on?

A. As a sex and relationship therapist I do think that counseling is important because it gives people the opportunity not to carry with them the old patterns that have created the hurt. I have watched many of my clients create successful new relationships without dragging the old pain and hurt with them. It does require a commitment on my clients behalf of wanting to change and to see that the old hurts don’t have to be re-experienced.

Jo-Anne Baker B.A. M.A. C.Psych. is well known as one of Australia’s leading Sex Entrepreneurs Therapist and Educators. Her business The Pleasure Spot was established in 1993 and was the first in Australia to cater to women and couples sexuality, with a mail order product catalogue. www.pleasurespot.com.au

February 3, 2004