Great-sex-life

How To Perfect The Slow Sensual Kiss

A great kiss should be experienced from the top of your head and work its way all the way down to the tips of your toes. That is the ultimate kiss. If you’re not aiming for that every time you kiss, you’re seriously missing out!

There really is an art to performing an incredible kiss. A bad kiss is a real let down, particularly if it’s a first kiss. If the first kiss with someone lacks that spark, which everyone is searching for, it may be a deal breaker. They figure if that spark isn’t there in that moment, it certainly isn’t going to get any better.

So how do you know if you are doing it right? No one automatically knows how to get it right and it takes a while to perfect. Remember back to your very first kiss? OMG, how bad was it? All mouth, tongue, hot breath and not exactly memorable for anything more than being your first kiss.

Now, no one can tell you how much tongue to use, how much saliva needs to be flowing, blah, blah, blah. That’s all personal preference. One thing you need to remember is that a great kiss starts slow. Just touching someone else’s tongue with yours is really sensual. So start there. Don’t go in like you are eating a giant-sized hamburger!

Starting soft, slow and sensual is what you’re after. Moisten your lips and let them gently come together with the other person’s. Let your lips touch well before you thrust in that tongue. You aren’t a lizard! Enjoy the sensation of your lips touching and then gently look for their lips with your tongue. Not like you are trying to lick something off them but like you are searching for a light connection.

If they do likewise, you will gently feel the connection between your tongues. Be careful not to overdo the tongue at this point. It’s likely you’ll begin to get that stirring feeling in the pit of your stomach. That’s the sweet spot, so savour it. Do whatever feels good and move in closer so your bodies are touching.

Your hands should be either to the back of their head with your fingers softly ruffling through their hair or cradle their face. Be conscious of where your kissing partner has their hands. If they don’t know where to put their hands, or have them somewhere else, direct them to a likewise position. Kissing is all about the face and head, not your butt, breasts or somewhere else. Well, not at this stage anyway!

You don’t have to stay glued to someone elses mouth, either. In fact, it’s better if you find their tongue and lips for a bit, come apart, take a breath and find them again, just as you did at the beginning. Take your time to build it up to being more passionate.

As that feeling in the pit of your stomach grows, the kiss will get more intense. Go with it. That’s often when hands wander. If it’s just a kiss, it might be time to pull away and come up for air. You can come back to it. Kissing not only makes us feel good, releasing all those positive endorphines, but many women find it an essential part of foreplay. That’s the beauty of kissing.

A great kiss doesn’t only get the saliva flowing but will also get the rest of the body ready for sex. Men generally don’t need as much foreplay and might neglect the effect a long, lingering kiss can have on a woman. Don’t let him rush it. That’s a sure-fire way to end up completely frustrated when he’s done and your not even halfway there. Remind him about your needs and let him know if the kiss lasts longer, you probably won’t!

Image via coverlayout.com

September 18, 2015

Toeing The Line: Why Foot Fetishism Is So Popular

If you’re old enough to remember a topless Fergie’s 1992 toe-sucking Texan scandal in St-Tropez – while the Duchess of York was still married to Prince Andrew – you’ll recall the somewhat cringe-worthy tabloid photos of said hot foot lovin’.

RELATED: High Heel Abuse: How To Have Happy Feet 

The photos, which showed American financial manager John Bryan with a mouth full of one of Fergster’s feet while they holidays and canoodled by the pool in full view of the world (and Fergie and Andrew’s toddler daughters) in southern France, were first splashed across British tabloids.

And the Queen was not amused – the Duchess is said to have been at Balmoral with the rest of the royal family when the story broke, with Her Majesty effectively banishing Fergie from the royal household henceforth.

Whether this was due to the Duchess’ refusal to toe the line (pardon the pun) or the royals’ horror at the said foot fetishism, I guess we’ll never know, but public toe-sucking has arguably suffered a tarnished public image ever since.

RELATED: The Foot-Play Guide For Sizzling Hot Lovers

sexual fetishes, foot fetish, sexual obsessions

However, fast forward some 20 plus years and foot fetishism (er, arguably best celebrated in the privacy of your own home) is seemingly now so popular, it’s virtually cool. However, it does seem to be more popular among men.

Famous foot fetishists who’ve gone on the record of late include perennial-cool singer/songwriter Pharrell Williams, actor Jack Black, singer Ricky Martin and director Quentin Tarantino.

What’s more, Elvis himself is arguably one of the best known foot fetishists, with a well-documented obsession, allegedly as a result of having to massage his mother’s feet as a child – shudder. There’s some serious Oedipus complex going on there! And The King’s handlers are even said to have screened the rock’n’roll icon’s female love interests on the basis of their feet attractiveness, er as you do.

While foot fetishism is nothing new – indeed, it’s the most common form of sexual fetish related to the body – it’s certainly not something I’d personally encountered prior to the advent of social media. You see, I recently joined Instagram and wow, what an eye-opener it was for me when I recently innocently posted several random pictures of my feet post-pedicure, one of my favourite beauty indulgences.

A recent such pic I posted got a lot of attention from said foot fetishists in Insta-land: countless pervy comments and requests this time to both share and repost said pic to others in the foot-worshipping community. In addition, it gained me no less than nine new foot fetishist followers?! What rock had I been living under? Was foot fetishism really that much of a thing? Apparently so!

sexual fetishes, foot fetish, sexual obsessions

Foot worship, or podophilia, is a pronounced sexual interest in feet. For a foot fetishist, attractive traits include the shape and size of the foot and toes; foot jewellery, such as toe rings and ankle bracelets; treatments, such as pedicures or massaging; state of dress, such as barefoot and/or thongs; odour, and/or sensory interaction such as smelling, licking, kissing, tickling and biting the foot.

As we all know, it takes a lot of different types to make the world go ‘round and if feet (mine included) blow your hair back, I say go for it, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone.

The hilarious part for me though, and I mean no disrespect to said foot fetishists, is that my feet are my least favourite body part; indeed my right foot has been damaged beyond repair by years of high-heel abuse. I’ve even got a small bunion, for God’s sake! Are bunions hot?!

sexual fetishes, foot fetish, sexual obsessions

Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, says foot fetishism is so popular, in part, because feet are fairly non-offensive.

“One reason we hear about foot fetishes so much is that as far as fetishes go they are quite vanilla; it’s okay to admit you have a foot fetish in comparison to BDSM [bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism] or being into golden showers, for example,” Dr Mars says.

“It can be a submissive act for men and they can enact that without going too far down the submissive path and compromising their masculinity.

“Feet are accessible. There are lots of options, toes, shoes, stockings… And the options are often elegant.

“In addition, feet are an area of the body with lots of nerve endings!”

And while feet aren’t my thing, shoes are another story altogether…

What do you think? Have you ever encountered foot fetishism in a partner?

Images, in order, via www.popsugar.com; theurbanrooms.co.uk; topnailideas.com and supplied.

September 7, 2015

Hot Sex Secrets: Can Men Orgasm Without Ejaculating?

Have you ever wondered how you can get your man to last longer in the sack? If you answered a resounding “yes!” and fist pumped with gusto, read on, girlfriend.

RELATED: Top 5 Ways To Get In The Mood For Hot Sex

Of course, if – like me – you’re old enough to remember musician Sting’s infamous comments about his and wife Trudie Styler’s seven-hour tantric sex sessions, you may have been wondering what the answer is to this age-old quandary ever since.

Now, one would hope that those gruelling seven-hour sex sessions include food and toilet breaks, but is Sting nothing less than superman, or just a highly skilled lover? Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, says it’s definitely the latter. It is a proven fact that with the right techniques, men can have longer-lasting orgasms and prolong their sexual experiences.

sexual fetishes, foot fetish, sexual obsessions

“It is possible for men to orgasm without ejaculating, but it takes practice and mental and physical discipline. The best way to learn is through masturbation and a series of exercises designed to delay orgasm,” Dr Mars says.

“Instead of going straight to ejaculation and a single orgasm, men can learn to have a series of orgasms without ejaculating and, over time, reach a level of transcendence.

“Imagine experiencing the same mental state as you do when you orgasm, but over an extended period of time? I’m talking about that head-exploding feeling men experience when they come, but instead of it being a momentary peak, it goes onwards and upwards.”

Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it?! So, how do sex partners aid the process? “Partners can help a man achieve this to a certain point, but it does require that the man is already experienced in ‘edging’ or at the very least knows what you are trying to achieve,” Dr Mars says.

“Women can learn to be more sensitive to the signs of a man’s ejaculation. Blow jobs are particularly useful here, as is eye contact. Remember rule 34: there is porn of it, no exceptions. Look up ‘edging porn’.”

sex advice, men's orgasms,  tantric sex; orgasm without ejaculating

Well, dear reader, I took the bullet and did just that in the name of journalistic research. Edging porn, according to my internet exploring, is men masturbating up to the edge of orgasm, then stopping to cool things down, and then revving up again. There are three most common versions of edging:

  1. Watching porn without masturbating.
  2. Masturbating while viewing porn, but not ejaculating.
  3. Masturbating without porn and without ejaculating.

So, back to my good mate, the still-handsome at 63-years-of-age Sting: is men’s ability to orgasm without ejaculating the real secret to tantric sex? “I wouldn’t say that it’s the secret, but it is an aspect of tantric sex,” Dr Mars says. “Tantric sex is about ritual, breathing, creating a mood and space. It often requires a series of exercises for a man to get to a certain non-ejaculatory state with a partner.

“Men can learn to get into the headspace of orgasm sans ejaculation without getting into tantric sex; mastering it will allow men to have sex for longer.

“Once you can edge you can basically come if and when you want to. It is also good for men’s overall health to learn to orgasm without ejaculating as men then don’t experience the same energy drain they do with ejaculation.

“Men over 30 shouldn’t ejaculate every time they orgasm and learning to orgasm without ejaculating can be a way to rekindle a man’s sexual interest and energy if it is flagging.”

Consider my mind well and truly blown.

What do you think?

Images via Daily Mail, Hephzibahonline.wordpress.com, Counselheal.com

July 11, 2015

Sex Vs Exercise: Which One Is Better For You?

Few of life’s unanswered questions are as vitally important as this: Is sex better for you than exercise? Does it stimulate you more, mind/body and soul?

RELATED: Role Play The Secret To Mind-Blowing Sex

And, in the life of a super-busy woman, if you have to choose just one, which one should you pick? I know which one I’d prefer every time, circumstances permitting – sex. I’d much rather spend time getting busy with my beloved husband than being bossed around and worked to the bone by my ex-army commando PT and/or pounding the heinous treadmill at the gym. But what’s better for me?

So many questions… For answers, I turned to the good doctor, well the sex doc that is: Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being.

sexual fetishes, foot fetish, sexual obsessions

There’s good news and bad news, ladies: a red-hot, sweaty sex session will blow your hair back way more than an equally messy gym session – yay! But unfortunately, you’d better not give up the gym workouts and PT sessions just yet – sad face.

“We know sex can be great exercise, it gets our hearts racing, makes our knees go weak, leaves us with aching muscles, gives us that healthy glow and even occasions sudden cardiac death in some circumstances,” Dr Mars says.

“Great sex is going to stimulate you more and make you feel better than a gym session ever could. But does that mean we should forgo the gym for a shag? Probably not, but nonetheless I’d take the sex myself.

“Which is better for you? The units of exercise required to minimise the risk of obesity, heart disease, cancer, and osteoporosis and so have been measured in units per day or per week. But we haven’t subjected sexual activity to the rigours of evidence-based medicine so we don’t know which is healthier.”

health, sex, orgasms

So, can you burn more calories during a good sex session than on the treadmill? “Sex that makes you weak at the knees is going to get your heart racing one way or another. If your knees are weak from a good shagging then you’ve probably worked harder and expended more energy than you would have done at the gym,” Dr Mars quips.

“Does an orgasm give you more benefits than a personal training session? It definitely stimulates your cardiovascular system and holds the potential for more pleasure and a meditative or even spiritual experience.

“Sexual meditation is a technique that can be learned – all the benefits of meditation combined with the pleasures of sex. How can that not be beneficial?”

However, ladies, if you find yourself actually preferring gym to sex, because it buys you some much-needed time to yourself, that’s normal and natural too, says Dr Mars. “We know that stress, weight gain and lack of exercise don’t enhance our sexual performance, and if we are stressed out, time-pressured and the kids are about to start banging on the door then the gym probably presents itself as an urban sanctuary,” she says.

“But if you have the space and time, and you can exercise at another moment in the day, then sex – even if you don’t at first feel like it – is an incredibly healthy way to start the day.”

health, sex, orgasms

However, if the sex gods aren’t playing along, and you do opt for the treadmill as an escape from your needy kids/husband/dog/goldfish – you can make it work for you, Dr Mars says. It’s all about exercising for sex; you can still make it count toward sexual satisfaction.

“There is a big muscle in humans called the psoas muscle (pronounced “so-az”). In beef, it’s the tenderloin and in humans it is also quite large, around 12 inches,” Dr Mars says. “The psoas muscle starts around the bottom of the spine and winds down and right around inserting into the top of the leg. It’s the source of a lot of back pain and keeping it strong and flexible is really important for good sex.

“If you can’t decide between sex and exercise, then put on some sexy music and have a little dance. Make a motion like you are hula hooping or hula dancing. You can also try moving your hips in a figure of 8. Make sure that your tail bone is tucked under and your bottom isn’t sticking out.”

So, there you have it, ladies. Sex and exercise perfectly complement each other, like wine and cheese. Both serve an important purpose, but if at the end of the day you only have time for one, grab your partner and have some fun – the naked kind!

Images via muffintoplessdotcom.wordpress.com, jameswinsoar.com and eatthecat.com

April 15, 2015

A Couple’s Guide To Erotic Massage

Did you know some smells increase sexual pleasure and are better to use during an erotic massage? Much like the Ultimate Oral Sex Guide, this isn’t a step-by-step instructional guide to performing an erotic massage. No one can tell you what your partner likes better than your partner. Instead, we want to give you some tips on setting the scene, oil selection and the power of scent, plus a couple of performance tips to make the experience better.

Setting the scene

Now when setting the scene for an erotic massage, there are certain things you need to take care of BEFORE you begin.

Make time – Erotic massage isn’t something you should rush. If you are a busy couple, make a date for it to happen. If you have little kids, who still wake up during the night, send them to grandma’s/aunty’s/a friend’s place or you might have to get an overnight sitter and go to a hotel for the night. Don’t feel guilty about it. An erotic massage is an investment in your relationship so don’t make excuses, just make it happen!

Picking the location – You want the experience to be pleasurable. That can be hard to achieve if you are lying or kneeling on the floor for any length of time, particularly as you get older. If you use protective bedding, like a waterproof mattress protector, draped with high thread count sheets, you will both be much more comfortable. Yes, they will stain, so wash them after and keep them for these occasions. Just make sure you don’t end up having to sleep in a puddle of oils and body fluids later.

Lighting – Dim lighting is best because it induces relaxation and pleasure. Candle lighting is perfect, so aim for that effect.

Technology – Turn it off. That includes mobile phones and TVs. You might want some nice calming music playing quietly in the background but that’s about the only technology you should have around you.

Clothing – None. If you wear expensive lingerie, it will get stained when you are using oils. Plus, the bonus of being naked is knowing you will be free to use every part of your body to massage him. The sensation of skin on skin, especially if you slip and slide around together, will be much better without clothing restraints.

Preparing for the massage

There will be certain things which are needed to perform an erotic massage. Things like towels for cleaning up after and oils you plan to use. You might want to try a blindfold or add some sex toys. Get these ready before you begin. Why, you may ask? Not only will it allow you to concentrate solely on your performance but it can be really dangerous hunting around the house for things covered in oil. You want fun and pleasure, not a trip to the emergency room because you slid over and cracked your skull open! It may sound a bit ridiculous but it does happen. So please, don’t let it happen to you or your partner.

Oil selection and the power of smell

When choosing an oil, please take into consideration the effect smell has on pleasure senses. Erotic massage should be rejuvenating for the mind, body and spirit; so some smells are much better to use than others. For example, the scent of ylang ylang is soothing, a powerful aphrodisiac, increases libido, boosts low energy levels and improves love making. Then there’s cinnamon, which entices heat from within the body, increases sexual appetite and when rubbed sparingly on genitals, produces powerful stimulation.

Now, Lady Sclareol, which has been around since the middle ages, is an essential oil which has been blended using some of nature’s most exotic and aromatic essential oils, including ylang ylang, geranium, rosewood, jasmine, clary sage, sandalwood, and others. Its proprieties are an aphrodisiac for both sexes, claiming to calm, balance, enhance libido and encourage fertility.
Be aware that some essential oils may burn or irritate when they are directly used on the genital skin. If you are unsure, use only edible lubrication rather than an essential oil.  Many come in scented flavors. Keep in mind the scent won’t be as powerful as a pure essential oil, so you may want to use some incense, scented candles or oil in a burner, to improve the experience.

Performance tips

There’s a few things to remember when giving an erotic massage:

  • It’s a marathon, not a sprint and there’s no finish line. If you begin to get tired or sore, swap over with your partner and take turns. Make it last and don’t be consumed by arriving at the happy ending. It’s all about the journey!
  • Use plenty of oil. Don’t be afraid to get messy. The messier the better and that’s why you need to prep BEFORE you begin.
  • Use all of your body to perform the massage. If you do the entire massage with your hands, they will get tired. There’s nothing wrong with adding a heap of oil and laying on top of your partner and moving around. It’s all about the sensation of touch and the power of connection.
  • Don’t forget about their head and face either. Some people start at the head and work their way down for a few reasons. The first is you need to start somewhere. The second: Starting with the head will instantly relax your partner. Thirdly, you won’t be smothered in oil and get it in their eyes. Finally, by the time you reach the lower half of their body, you will be smothered in oil!

We hope you’ve found these tips useful. The power of smell, when it comes to improving sex and sexual performance, is reasonably in-depth and way more than we can cover here. If you want to know more; we have an article coming up in the next few weeks, on How The Power Of Smell Can Improve Your Sex Life, so look out for that one.

If you want to share anything we have or haven’t covered here, speak up, because we’d love to hear from you!

Image via langtrees.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/erotic_massage1.jpg

November 2, 2014

Men’s Mags And Female Orgasms

Most men’s mags are filled with images of women in sexy lingerie, right? Wrong! Sure, some mags are all about the images but, if you take a sneak peek to see what men are really reading about and looking at, you may get a startling surprise. It seems some men are reading up on ways to become better lovers and partners.

What fabulous news for the ladies! Some mags go into detail about how foreplay is essential for women to achieve orgasm, what positions are better for women, how and where to find the elusive G spot, ways to make sex last longer – the list of how to improve the sexual experience for women is endless.

Who knew? It’s not all about T and A, as many women believe. Then there’s also heaps of news, interviews, cartoons, comedy, jokes, sports commentary, heath and fitness, nutrition, entertainment guides, technology, cinema and gaming reviews, finance, fashion and grooming advice; plus sexual health – men’s and women’s.

Even mags like Playboy and Ralph seem to contain far more information than most women would anticipate. So, next time you find a men’s mag in your man’s bathroom or on his web history, don’t panic. The age-old excuse of “I’m just reading it for the articles” just might be the case and can be totally beneficial for you and your relationship.

This made me think about the differences between what women are reading, compared to men. Take SHESAID, for example. How many articles have you seen about how to give your man the ultimate sexual experience? Something like a step-by-step guide teaching women how to perform oral sex. Uh, none! Why is that?

Is it because women think they know what they’re doing in the bedroom and beyond; are men easier to please, sexually, than women; do they find other stuff more interesting; or more importantly, is it just not being published? Would women like to know more about how the male body works and how to make your man’s toes curl?

Judging by the response to articles on SHESAID about improving a couples sex life, the use of sex toys, different positions, etc; women probably would like to know more, about how to wow their partner. Men are obviously reading up on it, so why shouldn’t the ladies?

So, if you what to know more about how to perform an erotic massage, strip tease or pole dance; stick with us! Great sex is something couples should both work toward. As they say, variety is the spice of life; so we are going to get busy! Plus, if there’s anything else you want more info on, tell us! We always love to hear from our audience.

Image via http://www.teachmedia.org

October 16, 2014

Best-ever sex!

Q. I have a great sex life with my partner but we’re not very adventurous. What can we do to spice things up a bit? A. Couples can spice up their relationship through fantasy and sensuality so here are a few ideas:

Dress up and meet your partner at a bar, club or cafe and chat them up taking on new names and persona. Express the playful side and see if your discover something new about your partner by taking on a new role.

Sharing your sexual fantasies can bring a new dimension into play, if you feel embarrassed by this read Nancy Friday’s books on erotic fantasies for men or women.

Learn to do a strip tease for your lover by doing a dance routine, finding music that turns you on, soft lighting and dress up in layers so you are able to undress using the tease as the main theme.

Q. What’s the single most important thing a woman can do to have a great sex life?

A. Having great sex starts with ourselves by feeling turned on and erotic. Often we project onto our partner that they have to turn us on which means that we are always looking outside of ourselves. To feel sexy and sensual, to expand into pleasure and orgasms we need to be able to go inside relax and enjoy, through this we can have great sex without expectation and pressure.

Q. What can I do to overcome the hurt of a past relationship so I can move on?

A. As a sex and relationship therapist I do think that counseling is important because it gives people the opportunity not to carry with them the old patterns that have created the hurt. I have watched many of my clients create successful new relationships without dragging the old pain and hurt with them. It does require a commitment on my clients behalf of wanting to change and to see that the old hurts don’t have to be re-experienced.

Jo-Anne Baker B.A. M.A. C.Psych. is well known as one of Australia’s leading Sex Entrepreneurs Therapist and Educators. Her business The Pleasure Spot was established in 1993 and was the first in Australia to cater to women and couples sexuality, with a mail order product catalogue. www.pleasurespot.com.au

February 3, 2004