How To Perfect The Slow Sensual Kiss

A great kiss should be experienced from the top of your head and work its way all the way down to the tips of your toes. That is the ultimate kiss. If you’re not aiming for that every time you kiss, you’re seriously missing out!

There really is an art to performing an incredible kiss. A bad kiss is a real let down, particularly if it’s a first kiss. If the first kiss with someone lacks that spark, which everyone is searching for, it may be a deal breaker. They figure if that spark isn’t there in that moment, it certainly isn’t going to get any better.

So how do you know if you are doing it right? No one automatically knows how to get it right and it takes a while to perfect. Remember back to your very first kiss? OMG, how bad was it? All mouth, tongue, hot breath and not exactly memorable for anything more than being your first kiss.

Now, no one can tell you how much tongue to use, how much saliva needs to be flowing, blah, blah, blah. That’s all personal preference. One thing you need to remember is that a great kiss starts slow. Just touching someone else’s tongue with yours is really sensual. So start there. Don’t go in like you are eating a giant-sized hamburger!

Starting soft, slow and sensual is what you’re after. Moisten your lips and let them gently come together with the other person’s. Let your lips touch well before you thrust in that tongue. You aren’t a lizard! Enjoy the sensation of your lips touching and then gently look for their lips with your tongue. Not like you are trying to lick something off them but like you are searching for a light connection.

If they do likewise, you will gently feel the connection between your tongues. Be careful not to overdo the tongue at this point. It’s likely you’ll begin to get that stirring feeling in the pit of your stomach. That’s the sweet spot, so savour it. Do whatever feels good and move in closer so your bodies are touching.

Your hands should be either to the back of their head with your fingers softly ruffling through their hair or cradle their face. Be conscious of where your kissing partner has their hands. If they don’t know where to put their hands, or have them somewhere else, direct them to a likewise position. Kissing is all about the face and head, not your butt, breasts or somewhere else. Well, not at this stage anyway!

You don’t have to stay glued to someone elses mouth, either. In fact, it’s better if you find their tongue and lips for a bit, come apart, take a breath and find them again, just as you did at the beginning. Take your time to build it up to being more passionate.

As that feeling in the pit of your stomach grows, the kiss will get more intense. Go with it. That’s often when hands wander. If it’s just a kiss, it might be time to pull away and come up for air. You can come back to it. Kissing not only makes us feel good, releasing all those positive endorphines, but many women find it an essential part of foreplay. That’s the beauty of kissing.

A great kiss doesn’t only get the saliva flowing but will also get the rest of the body ready for sex. Men generally don’t need as much foreplay and might neglect the effect a long, lingering kiss can have on a woman. Don’t let him rush it. That’s a sure-fire way to end up completely frustrated when he’s done and your not even halfway there. Remind him about your needs and let him know if the kiss lasts longer, you probably won’t!

Image via coverlayout.com

Toeing The Line: Why Foot Fetishism Is So Popular

If you’re old enough to remember a topless Fergie’s 1992 toe-sucking Texan scandal in St-Tropez – while the Duchess of York was still married to Prince Andrew – you’ll recall the somewhat cringe-worthy tabloid photos of said hot foot lovin’.

RELATED: High Heel Abuse: How To Have Happy Feet 

The photos, which showed American financial manager John Bryan with a mouth full of one of Fergster’s feet while they holidays and canoodled by the pool in full view of the world (and Fergie and Andrew’s toddler daughters) in southern France, were first splashed across British tabloids.

And the Queen was not amused – the Duchess is said to have been at Balmoral with the rest of the royal family when the story broke, with Her Majesty effectively banishing Fergie from the royal household henceforth.

Whether this was due to the Duchess’ refusal to toe the line (pardon the pun) or the royals’ horror at the said foot fetishism, I guess we’ll never know, but public toe-sucking has arguably suffered a tarnished public image ever since.

RELATED: The Foot-Play Guide For Sizzling Hot Lovers

sexual fetishes, foot fetish, sexual obsessions

However, fast forward some 20 plus years and foot fetishism (er, arguably best celebrated in the privacy of your own home) is seemingly now so popular, it’s virtually cool. However, it does seem to be more popular among men.

Famous foot fetishists who’ve gone on the record of late include perennial-cool singer/songwriter Pharrell Williams, actor Jack Black, singer Ricky Martin and director Quentin Tarantino.

What’s more, Elvis himself is arguably one of the best known foot fetishists, with a well-documented obsession, allegedly as a result of having to massage his mother’s feet as a child – shudder. There’s some serious Oedipus complex going on there! And The King’s handlers are even said to have screened the rock’n’roll icon’s female love interests on the basis of their feet attractiveness, er as you do.

While foot fetishism is nothing new – indeed, it’s the most common form of sexual fetish related to the body – it’s certainly not something I’d personally encountered prior to the advent of social media. You see, I recently joined Instagram and wow, what an eye-opener it was for me when I recently innocently posted several random pictures of my feet post-pedicure, one of my favourite beauty indulgences.

A recent such pic I posted got a lot of attention from said foot fetishists in Insta-land: countless pervy comments and requests this time to both share and repost said pic to others in the foot-worshipping community. In addition, it gained me no less than nine new foot fetishist followers?! What rock had I been living under? Was foot fetishism really that much of a thing? Apparently so!

sexual fetishes, foot fetish, sexual obsessions

Foot worship, or podophilia, is a pronounced sexual interest in feet. For a foot fetishist, attractive traits include the shape and size of the foot and toes; foot jewellery, such as toe rings and ankle bracelets; treatments, such as pedicures or massaging; state of dress, such as barefoot and/or thongs; odour, and/or sensory interaction such as smelling, licking, kissing, tickling and biting the foot.

As we all know, it takes a lot of different types to make the world go ‘round and if feet (mine included) blow your hair back, I say go for it, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone.

The hilarious part for me though, and I mean no disrespect to said foot fetishists, is that my feet are my least favourite body part; indeed my right foot has been damaged beyond repair by years of high-heel abuse. I’ve even got a small bunion, for God’s sake! Are bunions hot?!

sexual fetishes, foot fetish, sexual obsessions

Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, says foot fetishism is so popular, in part, because feet are fairly non-offensive.

“One reason we hear about foot fetishes so much is that as far as fetishes go they are quite vanilla; it’s okay to admit you have a foot fetish in comparison to BDSM [bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism] or being into golden showers, for example,” Dr Mars says.

“It can be a submissive act for men and they can enact that without going too far down the submissive path and compromising their masculinity.

“Feet are accessible. There are lots of options, toes, shoes, stockings… And the options are often elegant.

“In addition, feet are an area of the body with lots of nerve endings!”

And while feet aren’t my thing, shoes are another story altogether…

What do you think? Have you ever encountered foot fetishism in a partner?

Images, in order, via www.popsugar.com; theurbanrooms.co.uk; topnailideas.com and supplied.

10 Ways To Reignite That Honeymoon Spark

One of life’s best natural highs is the thrill, passion and excitement of having a new partner. The conversation is endless, the connection you both feel is intense and the sex… Well let’s be totally honest, it’s hotter than hell! So, if you could reignite that honeymoon spark with your long term partner, why wouldn’t you do it?

Now, according to Graeme Sudholtz, a former Aussie farmer turned relationship and sex therapist and co-owner of Oztantra, “As you get older sex goes from a V8 automatic to a 4 speed manual, but it gets better!” His charming and equally skilled partner in life and in business, Annette Baulch, smiled and nodded in agreement.

I recently had the opportunity and privilege to sit down with this knowledgeable couple of holistic therapists to discuss love, life, relationships and of course sex. It was an entertaining and eye opening half hour, which left me wanting to book an appointment to go back for more!

They offer individual sessions, couples therapy and retreats, Skype appointments and more. Teaching individuals and couples about their sexuality, how to improve quality and quantity in their sex life, how to reignite the intimacy and connection in relationships and having longer lasting sex, are just a few of the topics we discussed. If you want more from your sex life and relationship, I’d highly recommend these two very down to earth, life and fun loving professionals.

They’re relaxed natures and ease in discussing relationships and sex would make even the coyest of people comfortable and they were kind enough to offer SHESAID tips on any upcoming relationship or sex related articles. Tips from the sexperts guys… Thank you Oztantra!

So, now you know where our info is coming from, lets get into Annette’s top 10 tips for reigniting that honeymoon spark:

1. Remember how to feel – The most common reason relationships go stale is that we shut down emotionally from each other. Make your feelings ok, remembering if you can’t feel yourself, you wont feel someone else.

2. Feeling mistakes – Don’t assume that the man is not feeling just because he may not talk about them or uses different language in talking about it. Men do feel, they just have less permission to show it. And women, don’t assume you ARE, check that you’re actually feeling your feelings in your body rather than thinking your feelings.

3. Be willing to be vulnerable – Being vulnerable is how we are able to connect with another and invite our partner into our world, which can be scary! Consequences of not doing this will ultimately lead to the loss of the relationship. Actively choosing to go there is far less scary.

4. Sleep together naked – Our skin is the largest organ in the body and is longing to be nurtured. As adults we are often touch-hungry, especially for touch that has no agenda to it. Relax and snuggle.

5. Honour yourself – We don’t realise how much we dampen our spirit by the hundreds of negative judgments we make about ourselves. Offer honest appreciation daily.

6. Bring love back into sex – Sex becomes boring and hard work when we let love run out and start performing instead. In sex, seek to connect rather than stimulate. Go slowly, connect eyes and breathe.

7. See each other clearly – Take the time to really listen to what they are saying (like you used to do) and get to know a whole new person.

8. Remove your exits – Long-term relationships can get leaky, where we drain energy away from the relationship. This can result in the ‘invisible divorce’. Too much TV, work, talking with friends, focusing on the kids, porn – all of these factors can negatively effect our relationships.

9. Plan a sex date – Set up a regular time to be sexual. Set the date and time (not late at night). You have other essential appointments, why not make sex one of them? Send texts in the lead-up. Ask your partner what they want, enjoy it with them if it feels ok for you. Vary it so you both get to share.

10. Spend quality time on your own – Sometimes couples can get enmeshed and lose the sense of a unique identity, which is what attracted you in the first place. It is healthy to have some time out on your own now and again.

If you want that honeymoon spark back or would like to find out more, speak to Annette and Graeme from Oztantra. Plus, we will have plenty more Oztantra tips and information coming up on SHESAID.

Image via oztantra.com

Feeling Frisky? Sex Positions For Beyond The Bedroom

Way too often couples get bored with their sex life because they fail to alter their routine. Sex becomes a chore and they get stuck performing a few standard positions – a great way to douse anyone’s flame! Sex is supposed to be exciting, exhilarating and one of life’s experiences which literally takes your breath away.

RELATED Where To Have Sex In Public Without Getting Caught

If your settling for anything less in your sex life, you need to mix things up. Forget about sex in the bedroom for a while and open yourself up to your surroundings. Beds are a relatively new invention when you consider people have been having sex for thousands of years, so it’s time to release your inner sexual prowess and get busy!

Not sure where to start? Well we’ve got a few ideas for you. So, whether you’ve got room to move or you find yourselves getting hot and heavy in a tight space, you can explore some of these positions whenever – and wherever – the mood arises.

Sex Positions In Open Spaces

The G-Force: Gravity works a treat with this position as penetration can be intense. The female lays on her back and tucks her knees in towards her chest. The male kneels in front of her and takes hold of her feet. Genitals alight very easily allowing for deep penetration. If you like this position and want a bit of extra variance, the female can bring her feet up onto his chest. Then, instead of holding her feet, he can grasp her hips while he’s thrusting. This position gives both parties ample control.

the g force, sex, sex positions

Carpet burn: Up for a bit of pain and pleasure? As the name implies this position can cause a bit of friction for the knees. It can be done in bed but try and find somewhere else suitable. A shower is a great alternative. Basically, the male kneels down in a standard proposal position with his legs slightly separated. Once he’s in position, the female then kneels in front of him. She parts her legs slightly to allow entry as the genitals meet. For additional female control she should take hold of his thigh in one hand and his butt in the other.

carpet burn, sex, sex positions

Get Down On It: This is a meditative position with a difference! Initially, the male sits in a traditional lotus position. The female then sits in his lap slipping ever so effortlessly onto his awaiting erection. She then completes this position by wrapping her legs around his waist. This position is more about intimacy than fast thrusting. So if you’re looking for a position which is slow and sensual and  encourages a lot of tongue action, this one is for you.

get down on it, sex, sex positions

The Octopus: This image makes it a little hard to tell what’s actually happening, but the male sits on the floor with his hands behind him for support. He should spread his legs a similar distance apart and have them slightly bent. The female then places herself between his knees and is supported by her hands behind her on the floor. She can then bring both of her legs up to his shoulders and bring herself closer to enable penetration.

the octopus, sex, sex positions

Sex positions in small spaces

Head Over Heels: This one isn’t for the faint hearted and is a bit of a take on the old wheelbarrow position, so physical fitness is important. The female begins by lowering herself to her knees, legs slightly apart while crossing her arms on the ground in front of her. Using a pillow to cushion elbows is strongly advised for comfort and additional support.

She then sticks her butt in the air and rests her head on her arms. The male then stands behind her and lifts her by the legs or ankles into a position where he can enter her comfortably. Both keep their knees bent during the encounter. If either of you have problems with your knees, this one might be a bit tricky.

Head Over Heels, sex, sex positions

Corridor Canoodling: This one is excellent for that quickie in the toilet when you just need sex right this instant! Initially, the male positions himself to do the overall supporting. He leans against one wall, sliding down until he’s in a sitting position. His feet should wedge against the other wall to make both people stable. The female then straddles him and she does most of the work. His main role is to support, sit and be ridden as she is thrusting back and forth on top of him.

corodor coonodle, sex, sex positions

Stand and Deliver: This is another good one for tight spaces. This time she stands against the wall with her legs slightly spread. He then grabs the backs of her thighs and lifts her up while she wraps her legs around him. As a guide, the female should be able to rest her legs against his hips. While he thrusts away she can help by using the wall behind her for extra leverage.

stand and deliver, sex, sex positions

Sex positions using chairs

Melody Maker: If you’ve got a footstool or even a sturdy coffee table, this is something a little different. The female sits sideways with her legs apart. He then snuggles into position and helps her lean backwards so her head is pointing downwards. He grabs hold of her hand for extra support and enters her. The rush experienced during orgasm is apparently greater as the bloody rushes toward the females head, so if you find something to help you get into this position, it’s highly recommend.

the melody maker, sex, sex positions

Lap Limbo: The male sits on a chair with his knees elevated. She then straddles him, lowering herself into his lap. The woman can then lean backwards and support herself with her hands on his thighs. She can then bend her knees and place her legs over his shoulders, coming to rest on the back of the chair. He takes charge by grabbing hold of her hips and entering her while she uses the chair as leverage. It sounds trickier than it is!

lap limbo, sex, sex positions

The Galloping Horse: The woman controls this one as the man sits on a chair or sturdy surface with his legs outstretched in front of him. She can then climb on top of him and position herself in a mirror fashion. The exception is that her legs should be raised off the floor. For support they cling onto each others arms and she can lean backwards, pushing back and forth as she desires.

the galloping horse, sex, sex positions

Tight Squeeze: This one works well on a kitchen counter, or even better – a car bonnet. The female sits on the surface wrapping her arms and legs around the male squeezing him in closer. He stands facing her and does most of the work. For additional variation, try out the Amazing Butterfly (below) using the same surface.

tight sqeeze, sex, sex positions

Amazing Butterfly: Using the same or similar surface as above, the women lies flat initially. She should then lift her legs to rest on his shoulders as he stands in front of her. To get the right angle for penetration the women will need to tilt her pelvis to alight.

amazing butterfly, sex, sex positions

Sex positions using tables

Sexy Scissors: Here’s one for the men who will love this if they like control. The women lies on some type of workbench or tabletop with her hips positioned on the edge. Her legs should be raised directly facing the sky. The male then stands in front of her and takes hold of her ankles. When he moves his arms he has the choice of penetrating when her legs are closed or spread wide apart.

sexy sizzors, sex, sex positions

Hit The Spot: The spot this position is named after is the women’s g-spot. Plus, given the fact that the man does most of the work, this one should be on every women’s must try list! She lies on her stomach with her hips tilted sideways – her legs should be slightly bent. He can then kneel into position between her legs. As he leans in forward, he can then place his arms on either side of her. This will give him the leverage to be able to thrust in and out.

hit the spot, sex, sex positions

Sex positions for wherever takes your fancy

Backstairs Boogaloo: This one is primarily for a staircase, but if you find a similar surface when out and about, go ahead and give it a go. Ideally, the women kneels in front of her partner and he positions himself behind her. She should reach up to hold onto a banister or a step, which will then enable him the perfect angle for deep penetration from behind.

Backstairs Boogaloo, sex, sex positions

 Secret Shag: Ever felt a bit amorous when sitting on the couch together? Well this one works well when she wraps her legs around the man’s upper body while laying in front of him. He can then grip her thighs and penetrate from behind.


As you can see sex isn’t just for the bedroom. There are plenty of ways to spice it up by trying different positions and different locations. If you’ve got a favorite outside of the bedroom, we’d love to hear about it in the comments below!

Images via Cosmopolitan, Good To Know, Uamodna.com

Ooo Yes! How Women Can Orgasm Every Time

Women often have sex without an orgasm – instead they enjoy the closeness, being touched and the experience of initial penetration. Regardless of how good this may feel, these things don’t come close to the enjoyment of the big O. Plus non-orgasmic sex essentially misses the chemical release associated with an orgasm, which can often leave women feeling frustrated.

While many women think this is totally normal and just put up with it, it really doesn’t need to be this way. Women can and should reach a point where they can orgasm every time. With a little self-discovery and self-reflection, this article will explain how it can be done. And it’s not one particular thing women can do, but several things combined.

RELATED: The Case Of The Missing Orgasm

What’s stopping you?

Firstly, women need to figure out what’s preventing their orgasm: Is it because their lover finishes, are they distracted, is their mind wandering off, are they concerned about how they look, do they know how to orgasm or could it be a medical or psychological issue? Whatever the cause things can be rectified so satisfying orgasmic sex is had every time.

Get your partner to slow down

Another publication I read recommended speeding up the process of a female orgasm. Why? It’s not a damn race to an imaginary orgasmic finish line! Men who ejaculate quickly can learn to hold off and wait for their partner to climax with a little practice. Plus there are medications available which help.

The best way to get your lover to slow down is to communicate. Tell them that you need more foreplay and hold off intercourse until you are ready. Foreplay prepares the body for orgasm. So if you are one of those poor souls missing out, you need to reflect on the foreplay you’re not having. If you are engaging in intercourse before you’re ready, there’s no way your body will achieve it.


People aren’t mind readers, so you need to tell your lover what works for you. If you like to have your ear nibbled on, tell them. Don’t assume that because you do it to them that they will get the hint. Be directive. But not like a school teacher – unless that’s what they like. Be seductive in the way that you let them know what gets your juices flowing.

Be in the moment

Researchers call the brain the largest sex organ for a reason. If your mind wanders off and you find yourself thinking about anything other than what’s happening between you and your lover, your chance of orgasm drastically reduces. Instead, use your brain to help you orgasm. Fantasise while having sex – the dirtier the better really.

Don’t feel embarrassed about your fantasies either. Your brain is a private oasis. Besides, if you did tell your partner what it is your thinking, they’d secretly love it (unless it’s about someone else). This is also how men can hold off ejaculation. They can concentrate on something other than sex and this reduces their potential to climax. Some people have a go-to thought that either helps or hinders the situation.

Be in charge of your orgasm

Loads of people believe it’s their lover’s job to make them climax. That’s rubbish! We all need to take responsibility and take charge of our own orgasms. Work out what turns you on and what doesn’t and discover what positions work for you. Women who have masturbated are more likely to orgasm because one, they know they can do it; and two, they know how it’s done. Either figure it out with your lover or by yourself.

If by some chance you can’t reach orgasm through masturbation or intercourse, you may have a condition which is preventing it. Female orgasmic dysfunction isn’t uncommon for women to experience, but if you think you may be suffering, head to a GP who can then refer you to a specialist. It may be physical or psychological but professionals can work with you to achieve the type of sexual satisfaction you deserve.

Use sex toys

Sex toys can really help women orgasm. So find one which will help you and use it on your own or with your lover (they are still called marital aids for a reason). There are always new ones on the market and some can improve the experience of intercourse substantially for both of you.

Reduce distractions

It’s totally understandable that women can’t reach orgasm when they are distracted by external forces such as babies waking up. If this is the problem initially, sort out some distraction free time. It might be getting the bub looked after, spending the night in a hotel or some other method of removing the distraction.

To orgasm every time, gradually increase exposure to the distraction and work toward achieving orgasm when it’s there. It can be done, and after a time the distraction won’t have a negative effect. This is called exposure therapy and psychologists use it successfully all the time.

Self-pressure on appearance or orgasm

If self-pressure on appearance is an issue, rest assured it will be the furthest thing from your lover’s mind. They want you – all of you! It may pay to work on your body image out of the bedroom to stop it affecting you in the bedroom.

If pressure to orgasm is the problem, you need to relax. Be in the now, fantasise and most importantly don’t try so hard. Experience the sensation of touch and enjoy it. Let your mind wander from the pressure to the pleasure you are experiencing. Another way to reduce the pressure is to start with longer love-making sessions that involve erotic massage. This will relax the body and encourage you to orgasm naturally.

Anticipate pleasure and orgasm

Finally, when most men have sex they anticipate pleasure and orgasm. They enjoy the experience for what it is and allow themselves to be completely engulfed in it. Most are not thinking about having to go to work and they certainly aren’t distracted by babies in the next room. Instead, they are in the here and now wanting their lover and looking forward to the experience of an orgasm. If women follow their lead, they should be able to reach a stage when they too can orgasm every time.

Image via delightfulknowledge.com

The Case Of The Missing Orgasm

For many women vaginal intercourse isn’t the orgasmic experience they crave, according to Elisabeth Lloyd, American philosopher of biology and author of The Case of the Female Orgasm. After analyzing 33 studies conducted over the past 80 years, Lloyd discovered that only 25 percent of women regularly experience orgasm during vaginal intercourse and half “sometimes” get there. Then there’s roughly 20 percent who rarely experience it and another 5 percent who miss out all together.

What’s more, achieving orgasm seemed unrelated to the duration of intercourse (how long her partner lasts), penis size or emotions connected to their partners. Therefore, it’s safe to say that actually achieving orgasm during vaginal intercourse can be a bit of a hit and miss experience. The question is, why? Or more importantly what can women do about it?


It seems to boil down to simple biology. The location of the clitoris is outside the vagina. It lies within the top area of the vaginal lips and penile stimulation inside the vagina usually doesn’t touch it. Although vaginal orgasm is possible without clitoral stimulation, most women find this difficult.

Another significant way which women miss out on achieving orgasm, is skimping on foreplay. If duration of intercourse doesn’t seem to relate to the low account of female orgasm, duration and quality of foreplay is a major possibility. This ultimately readies the body to experience pleasure. Women’s bodies take longer to prepare them for orgasm than healthy men and this factor maybe where women are missing out. Most men can arouse easily and take little time to orgasm. Women, on the other hand need more encouragement.

This might have to do with conditioning. Like anything in life, the more we do something the quicker and more efficient we become. Most teenaged boys masturbate, therefore, by the time they reach manhood, most can achieve an erection and experience orgasm within minutes. For some men, foreplay can be an unnecessary distraction which can lead to premature ejaculation. If they spend too much time on foreplay they probably won’t last very long during intercourse. Some men therefore limit the amount of foreplay so intercourse is prolonged. Make sense?

The solution

There’s no changing biology (well there is but that’s a different conversation!) and some sexual positions are better for women to achieve orgasm, like straddling her partner. The women on top is popular for this reason, because she can control the areas being stimulated. Plus, women can grind, which will stimulate the clitoris while her man thrusts.

The only problem with this is that it can get boring repeating the same position over and over again. Being the primary way many women achieve orgasm, regularly changing positions can deter bedroom boredom, assist the duration of intercourse and women can “finish” on top.

Another way to make orgasm more achievable is through masturbation. Women can achieve a similar level of stimulation, to that of their partners, by practicing. If it seems to take an eternity to achieve orgasm, masturbating might help.

Women can use visual or auditory imagery during masturbation, much like men. Self-exploration maybe what’s required to discover what’s hot and what’s not! Using the imagery during foreplay can prepare the body faster and make orgasm more achievable during vaginal intercourse.

Lastly, a women can help condition her man to last longer. This can be achieved by taking a break during foreplay, switching positions or getting him to think about other things during foreplay and intercourse.

Work together to find solutions and on achieving a happy medium. Remember, your man isn’t responsible for your orgasm. You are! Women can practice to orgasm more efficiently and men can practice to orgasm less efficiently. This is what happens naturally as a man ages and possibly why it’s recommended that sex can and often does get better!

Image via photos.myjoyonline.com

Is Your Sex Life All About Achieving Orgasm?

When couples meet they usually have a period of abstinence where they get to know each other. As things develop they introduce some sexual behaviour into the equation. They first begin with kissing and cuddling, touching and holding hands. Despite the lack of intercourse, most new couples are pretty elated with each other.

RELATED: Sex And The Single Girl: Casual Sex 101

At their own pace, couples decide when it’s time for intercourse to enter their relationship (pardon the pun!). This is usually when their sexual behavior becomes orgasm orientated. The nights they had spent together just kissing, cuddling and talking are replaced with new and exciting ways to reach their happy ending.

As time passes this feature becomes more and more prominent. Life gets busy and sex lives become little more than a release of tension and frustration. It might consist of a quickie before you head to work in the morning or right before you go to sleep. It’s not exactly mind-blowing, but it’s sex in its most basic form. There might be nights when things spark up a little, but life takes over and it gradually slides back to the norm.

Now if that’s the routine your sex life has fallen into, you aren’t alone. Millions of couples have great intentions when it comes to their sex life, but the discussion is usually neglected or given much priority. When it comes to sex couples usually do it not talk about it.

So, what if you could get back that elation you experienced at the beginning of your relationship, before your sex life wasn’t focused on reaching orgasm? When your mind and body were in the here and now? When you actually experienced the feelings which accompanied the physical side of sex? When you felt more connected to your partner, in and out of the bedroom?

Without going back to step one and telling your partner, your’e both about to undergo a period of celibacy (which I’m sure they’ll just love!), there’s a way back from the destination you’ve reached. Tantra is basically sexual healing for the mind, body and soul. If you’ve heard about and tried it out, you’re in for a treat, because I’ve got heaps of Tantra tips and techniques coming up, direct from the sexperts at Oztantra.

Now, for those who haven’t heard of or tried Tantra, you may be unaware that both men and women can become multi-orgasmic, without being orgasm orientated. The pressure orgasm places on sex causes all sorts of issues and can actually turn sex into a chore or routine instead of the blissful experience it is meant to be.

For women, Tantra it’s about removing the social conditioning, which dictates women aren’t sexual beings and opens the door for sexuality to develop and enrich her entire being. They are encouraged to explore and enjoy their sexuality rather than stifle it and open themselves up to the love which a partner offers. In turn, she will openly be able to love her partner and express this love through passionate love-making.

For men, they learn to slow down and shift from having sex into an experience of lovemaking. They learn to focus on their own pleasure rather than performing for their partner. He is encouraged to separate orgasm from ejaculation and therefore prolong the experience for himself and his lady. He is encouraged to become a more confident love-maker with greater control of his sexual energy.

Together, couples expand and explore the love they feel for each other while improving trust and intimacy. Instead of rushed, energy sapping sex, Tantra is an experience in healing and rejuvenation. The chemicals in the brain and body which improve health and well-being have time to generate and disperse, which leaves the mind clearer and the body freer.

So, if your sex life is focused on orgasm, re-think the idea and simply enjoy the touch and sensation. Once that  “pressure” is removed the experience can be appreciated, much like the onset of the relationship before orgasm got in the way. Being non-orientated toward orgasm leaves room for a sexual experience to be fully enjoyed for the sake of enjoyment, not a means to an end to reach a happy ending!

Image via http://media.salon.com/2014/11/when_harry_met_sally.jpg

The Foot-Play Guide For Sizzling Hot Lovers

Love a good foot rub? Hell yeah! When it’s done right, even the most ticklish person can enjoy it. Sure, there are people out there that look at feet and think, ‘Yuk, no way’ but there are also plenty of people who find the humble foot irre-bloody-sistible. You know the foot fetish types?

Anyway, when it comes to foreplay and sex, the impact foot-play can have our our entire bodies often gets forgotten while we head straight for more tempting body parts. I wanted to focus on feet for a minute or two and hopefully tempt you into getting into some foot-play action of your own.

So what does foot-play involve? Absolutely anything and everything you can think of to relax your partner, enjoy the experience of sensual touch and literally make their toes curl. Sound good? It includes pampering, massaging, kissing, licking, sucking and even that other word that I’m sure your imaginations can fill in the blanks. Hey, whatever floats ya boat. If you can’t stand the thought of feet in your mouth, use your other body parts instead. There’s no right or wrong way and everyone has different preferences. That’s the beauty of sexploration!

Now, if you are going to get into some foot-play most people would recommend clean feet. Some people don’t care, but if you are going to get your mouth involved, clean feet are a much tastier option, yeah? You can make this the starting point of the play process. If you have a spa or bath to jump into together that would be ideal, but if not grab a tub large enough to comfortably fit warm water, feet and hands.

You’ll also need a towel and some edible massage oil of your choice. Use a scented one like Vanilla because it’s calming and relaxing. Different scents do make a difference, so check out our article “Unlocking The Secret Of Sexual Scents” and use it  as a guide. Set the scene with some candles or dull light, soft music and get naked! Make sure the temperature is pleasant so you don’t get cold and feel forced to get to that happy ending before you’ve both had time to relax, feel pampered and thoroughly enjoy the experience. You can do it with your clothes on but seriously, why stop using those oils at your feet? It is foreplay we’re talking about so slash that oil around a bit after and get creative.

Ok,  I got a bit sidetracked there, so let me get back to foot-play. When you have everything ready I’m pretty sure you can manage to clean feet without graphic explanation. As you are doing it though, turn it into a massage. If you are using the tub it might get a bit awkward, so give them a clean and ditch the bucket and pop their feet on your lap. Add the massage oil and please make sure it is edible because other oils taste revolting.

Even you don’t know much about feet, don’t despair. Reflexology has been around for centuries and the following diagram will show you which part of the foot is linked to which part of the body. It’s basic but explanatory for our purpose. Don’t just head straight to the area marked sexual organs either. Sex is way more than genitals so pay close attention to the toes as well as the remainer of the foot. Remember this is a slow, sensual, full body experience for you to enjoy together. The key to great sex is mind blowing, toe curling, touch hungry foreplay!

The footplay guide for sizzling hot loversSo, this is where you turn the humble foot-rub into something so much more plus it’s sexy as hell. Start by kissing the feet and ankles and then move toward a bit of toe sucking and tongue action. How you do it doesn’t matter as long as you’re into it. Remember I talked about attitude in the “Ultimate Oral Sex Guide”, well, that’s exactly what you need to aim for here. Plus, you need to talk to your partner and ask them what they like. It’s not a mind reading exercise. When it’s their turn to reciprocate let them know what feels good.

While you’re using your mouth and tongue don’t forget to use your hands, breasts and the rest of your body to massage his feet as well. Foot-play is an experience in sensation, touching, connection and pleasure. You can do it one at a time or take turns giving each-other pleasure. Just remember that men are visual and love seeing what you are doing.  Bring on the sexy smile and lots of eye contact. They like to know that you are enjoying giving as well as receiving, so make it a well worth experience for both of you.

Enjoy everyone!

Image via youroilessentials.com/i/Foot_Chart.jpg

Men’s Mags And Female Orgasms

Most men’s mags are filled with images of women in sexy lingerie, right? Wrong! Sure, some mags are all about the images but, if you take a sneak peek to see what men are really reading about and looking at, you may get a startling surprise. It seems some men are reading up on ways to become better lovers and partners.

What fabulous news for the ladies! Some mags go into detail about how foreplay is essential for women to achieve orgasm, what positions are better for women, how and where to find the elusive G spot, ways to make sex last longer – the list of how to improve the sexual experience for women is endless.

Who knew? It’s not all about T and A, as many women believe. Then there’s also heaps of news, interviews, cartoons, comedy, jokes, sports commentary, heath and fitness, nutrition, entertainment guides, technology, cinema and gaming reviews, finance, fashion and grooming advice; plus sexual health – men’s and women’s.

Even mags like Playboy and Ralph seem to contain far more information than most women would anticipate. So, next time you find a men’s mag in your man’s bathroom or on his web history, don’t panic. The age-old excuse of “I’m just reading it for the articles” just might be the case and can be totally beneficial for you and your relationship.

This made me think about the differences between what women are reading, compared to men. Take SHESAID, for example. How many articles have you seen about how to give your man the ultimate sexual experience? Something like a step-by-step guide teaching women how to perform oral sex. Uh, none! Why is that?

Is it because women think they know what they’re doing in the bedroom and beyond; are men easier to please, sexually, than women; do they find other stuff more interesting; or more importantly, is it just not being published? Would women like to know more about how the male body works and how to make your man’s toes curl?

Judging by the response to articles on SHESAID about improving a couples sex life, the use of sex toys, different positions, etc; women probably would like to know more, about how to wow their partner. Men are obviously reading up on it, so why shouldn’t the ladies?

So, if you what to know more about how to perform an erotic massage, strip tease or pole dance; stick with us! Great sex is something couples should both work toward. As they say, variety is the spice of life; so we are going to get busy! Plus, if there’s anything else you want more info on, tell us! We always love to hear from our audience.

Image via http://www.teachmedia.org

Why You’re Having Pregnancy Sex Dreams

A good friend of mine, who’s mere weeks away from giving birth to her second child, recently had a hilarious, X-rated dream about a handsome Indian man who skilfully pleasured her, then fed her pappadums. Win, win!

And, confession time: I too had many such pregnancy sex dreams during both of my pregnancies; I was a right hornbag, to quote Kath and Kim.

Related: 7 Tips To Make You Feel Amazing During Pregnancy

This is all good and well, until you wake up from such an erotic dream, only to have your husband ask you what you’ve been dreaming about, because you’ve been moaning and thrashing about in your sleep?! And it can be especially awkward if you’ve been having bizarre X-rated dreams about someone random in your life, like say the neighbour next door, or the local barista who so adeptly makes you your favourite daily coffee.

So, why do pregnant women have porn films going in their subconscious, when asleep?

Don’t panic, you’re not losing your mind: is it those crazy hormones – the bane of all pregnant ladies – to blame, yet again? Experts say yes, in part. And chillax – these pregnancy sex dreams are very, very common.

Your heightened hormones may well be the cause, dramatically increasing your libido. Or, maybe you’re not having as much sex with your husband as you’d like, now that there’s a massive baby bump in the way? Thus, your crazy sexual cravings are consuming you?

pregnancy, pregnancy sex, sex dreams

Of course, pregnant women’s dreams are more vivid and unusual when up the duff. In addition, experts say these dreams may reflect any anxiety and emotion you may be feeling about being pregnant.

What’s more, you often don’t sleep as soundly when pregnant, especially in the uncomfortable last few months before your EDD – not to mention the fact that you have to get up to pee all the frigging time – so, inevitably it’s more likely that you will remember your crazy, porn-star dreams.

One idea, and a nice way to make the most of your bizarre porno dreams while pregnant, is to keep a journal next to your bed, for when you can’t sleep, then share your crazy sex dreams with your partner. It could lead to deeper intimacy between the two of you at this tumultuous time of expecting a baby and turn him on, too.

Maybe just don’t mention the pappadums. Now, that’s just weird!

What do you think? Have you ever had pregnancy sex dreams?

Images via www.pixabay.com

Sex Toys You Didn’t Know You Already Had

Sex toys used to be called martial aids, and still are in some places, because the list of items couples can use included way more than what they sold in adult shops. Although this industry is booming and there are new items available all the time, there are plenty of everyday things couples can use to spice it up. Here’s a few ideas to add a bit a variety to your sex life that you probably have in your home already.


When was the last time you went to the kitchen and looked for tasty spreads or creams, fruit and veggies, to use with your partner? Use your imagination, get creative and go hunting! You can also change the sensation if you heat or cool down particular foods. Imagine heated Nutella, for example, yum! The warmth will also increase blood flow so it’s a win-win!

Vibrating electric razors

Now, this may sound a bit out there, but many electric razors actually vibrate and they are waterproof. Detach the top to avoid cutting yourselves and have a play. You’ll find they are really similar to the smaller vibrators on the market. They are much better for foreplay because they can be a bit sharp if you try to use them using intercourse.

Hair ties

You might wonder what a little hair tie has to do with sex but think about cock rings for a minute. They are made of all sorts of things so why not try a hair tie. The rubber ones without the small metal clasp are better because there is a chance the metal piece can cut you both. Also, be careful not to put it on too tight or leave it on too long. It’s about restricting the blood flow, while the penis is engorged, but eventually the blood has to be able to able to flow.

Mobile phones

Yep. Yet another thing to use your mobile for. You can either set it to vibrate and your partner can continue to call you, while you strategically place it or how about this; there’s now an app for this too. MyVibe by MyPleasure has developed an app to control your phones vibrations from short and quick to long and slow. Is there no end to what you can use your mobile for? Apparently not! By the way, you might want to give it a clean before and after to use it. These things are covered with bacteria.

Peppermint mouthwash/peppermints

Peppermint mouth wash or mints can give your partner a cool, tingling sensation during oral sex. Plus the peppermint actually increases circulation and blood flow. Avoid direct contact with the skin, however, because it can be painful for sensitive areas. This works for both partners, so why not take turns?

Cooking oil

Want to go for a bit of slip and slid? Lotions are ok but oils, particularly cooking, can add a new dimension to the word fun. You can use it for foreplay to give your partner an amazing, full body massage or during intercourse. You might have a few problems making a connection, as you slip and slide all over each other but it’s well worth trying. If you like it, you might want to go and invest in tastier, edible stuff because cooking oil doesn’t taste the best.

Where To Have Sex In Public – Without Getting Caught!

Sex in public places is something that loads of couples try – but where can you do it without getting a criminal conviction for indecency? There’s public toilets, on the beach, but where else? We’ve got a few ideas, you and your partner might like to try. Some are a bit quirky, even macabre, but hey, whatever floats ya boat!

Related: Top Sex Toys For Beginners

The not-so guided tour

Ever taken a guided tour of an old building or been alone at a tourist attraction? You’ll find that there just might be an opportunity to sneak into a “staff only” or private room somewhere and get busy. Sex in public can take either a few minutes or a few hours. This is one of those locations where you need to be quick enough not to get caught!

Picture theatres

Sometimes there are sessions that are almost deserted. You can take advantage of these and have loads of foreplay. This is one of those rare locations that you can actually take your time, if you’re discreet enough. You might even find an empty theatre to sneak into and go for it right in front of the screen. Check the next session screening times though, so you don’t get interrupted by a sudden rush of miniature patrons arriving for the next viewing of the latest kids flick!

Transport and parking locations

All I’m going to say here is planes, trains and automobiles. Pick your time and place carefully and you can strike any type of transport off the list. There are masses of people in the mile-high club, so why not join them; particularly if you have a long night-time flight when the cabin crew turns out the lights.

You might want to try various car parks around the city. Sundays are usually the least busy day, so go exploring and see what you can find. Why not try out a county road rest stop or deserted road somewhere. If you are heading away for a romantic weekend, what a wicked way to start or finish it!


Now for some, this idea might be a tad disrespectful. For others, it might give be a winning combination of fear and passion they are after. The exasperation of having sex in public is heightened with a night-time romp in an old country cemetery when it’s eerie and spooky. They are usually deserted and provide another option, where you will probably be able to take a bit more time.

If you are a bit more adventurous, how about the local cemetery? There is security around these places though and, during the day, it’s incredible how crowded they can become. The last thing you want is to be caught by mourning family members. Now, that’s disrespectful! They do have beautiful gardens, however and lots of foliage to hide in should strangers happen to pass you by.

As you know, they are many places to have sex in public; these are just a few. You might want to start discreet, like a public toilet somewhere and get more adventurous. Many people who get caught usually get a warning and told to move on, rather than charged with a crime. It will certainly give the boys and girls in blue something to talk about back at the precinct! Avoid places where kids congregate, like playgrounds, and you should be good to go! So get out there are and put that spark back in your sex life.

Image via



6 Great Sex Positions to Try Right Now

One of the best ways to heat up your love life is by trying a few great sex positions. For great sex and bigger, better orgasms, nothing beats adding a few new tricks to your repertoire. Isn’t great sex worth a little experimenting?

Here are a few hints on how to have the best sex of your life by trying out a new position or two. These “how to” tips should get your motor running in record time!

The Counter Top

We’ve all seen variations of this position in sexy movies, so why not try it yourself? You lie down on a counter or table and he enters you while standing up. This is a great sex position for both of you because he can go in deep and feel in control while you can still move around.

Doggie Style

This is a great sex position for achieving female orgasm, because the woman is free to move around for optimal control. In this position, the male can pleasure her in many ways by stimulating her G-spot and clitoris with his hand or a sex toy. The secret to giving her a mind-blowing orgasm is to provide stimulation to both areas!

Woman on Top

Another position that gives you more control—for the ultimate orgasm. This position with the woman on top while the partners face each other allows her to control the depth and motion while giving both her and her partner access to her clitoris. Guys enjoy this position because they love the view!


Again, the ladies love those positions that offer control over penetration. Spooning offers a tighter fit as well as easy access to the nerve-rich vagina and rectum. This is a great sex position for early morning lovin’!

Pillow Talk

Why not spice up the missionary position by slipping a pillow underneath your booty for an improved angle of penetration? This pelvic lift can help your partner zero in on your G-spot with his penis. How-to hints include experimenting with pillows and folded blankets to find just the perfect amount of lift.

Ankles Up

The downside of the missionary position is the lack of full penetration. You can correct that by lifting your ankles up over his shoulders or placing the soles of your feet on his chest. This lets his penis go inside you as deeply as possible and hit your G-spot for a thrilling orgasm!

Fess up: what are your favourite sex positions?

Want great sex? Then love your body!

Do you dash from the bathroom to your bed like your hair is on fire hoping your man doesn?t look at your bum wobbling? Or would you rather walk the plank in Pirates of the Caribbean than do the nudie dash, so you cover up in a robe until the last minute while your man lays in bed waiting for you? If this sounds like you, then stop and take stock! While you are berating yourself for not going to the gym more, your man is probably lying there with his sleepy half-smile thinking ?Cripes I love that woman!?

Recent research proves that a healthy body image leads to great sex ? so what are you waiting for? If you spend your most intimate moments worrying about your imaginary, wobbly bits then you are doing yourself and your partner a serious disservice. In fact, scientist have proved a crap body image is a guaranteed libido killer.

Here are some of our favourite ?cheat notes? to give you confidence in the sack.

– Put a red globe in your bedside light. Strip clubs don?t use red lights to hide the embarrassed looks on guys? faces while they are getting a lap dance, they do it because it is most flattering to the naked female body. Miraculously all your cellulite disappears!

– Arch your back a lot during sex. It?ll make your tummy appear firmer, your face assume a seductive look and another added benefit is that your breasts will appear more pert! Gravity defying boobs ? just what the doctor ordered with no surgery!

– Doggie style is perfect for small breasts. He?ll reach around and grab a handful of perfectly round boobs not letting any go to waste.

– Try the missionary position and then get him to kneel in front of you, put your bum in the air, and your legs around his neck. Instant long legs!

– In Puberty Blues, novelists Kathy Lette and Gabrielle Carey wrote that if you have small boobs lie on your side for instant clevage!

– As a last resort, either have sex in the dark all the time or blindfold your man ? that will turn him on because he will think that you have suddenly gone all ?dominatrix? on him!