Are You Rejecting Yourself Before People Have A Chance To Reject You?

If you keep telling people you’re not good enough, they’ll eventually believe you.

February 27, 2017

How To Make Friends With Your Inner Critic

Most of us are well familiar with the inner critic, that voice in our heads telling us we’re not good enough, we don’t have what it takes and something bad is going to happen if we take a step outside our comfort zone.  While you can’t completely switch that voice off, you can make sure it doesn’t stop you from doing what you really want to do and here is how.

RELATED: Simple Ways To Boost Your Confidence

Create a persona

If your inner critic was a person, what would it look like? Would it be a man, a woman or a child? Maybe it’s an animal or a monster? Imagine as many details about your inner critic as you can. Give it a name. Creating a persona helps recognise this voice as something that comes from you, but is not the whole you and therefore, it’s not the ultimate truth.

Once you can see your inner critic as a separate persona, it’s easier to choose to dismiss what it says. It’s like getting advice from a friend: You’ll follow it if it works for you and you’ll discard it otherwise.

Know that your inner critic means well

The purpose of your inner critic is to protect you and keep you safe. That’s why ignoring the little voice is usually not a good idea – it will just get louder and more creative in devising ways to get your attention.

Instead, listen to what your critic has to say, but be discerning. Is there any evidence that this is true? Do you need a backup plan? Or is it safe to let your inner critic’s opinion go? Once you’ve made a decision, reassure your inner critic that everything is okay and move on in the direction you need to go.

Sounds crazy to be personifying and talking to voices in your head, doesn’t it? We all do it anyway, just not consciously. By hearing your inner critic out, you’re acknowledging and communicating with the part of you that wants to keep you safe, so that it feels reassured and allows you do your great work in the world.

Image via Pixabay

March 16, 2015

Sultry Striptease Minus The Giggles

Did you know women who can do a strip tease for their partner generally have much better sex? Why is that? Well, it’s all about confidence. When it comes to women and sex, confidence is a major turn-on.

Instead of clothing tips, dancing or music selection, let’s get right down to the things which have prevented you from being confident enough to strip for your partner. The first one will be the hardest and once you’re past it, you’ll be well on your way to tweaking it anyway you like. Do we really need to tell you what to wear and what music to dance to? No, that’s all personal choice.

Below are some tips to overcome some of the most common barriers to the sexual confidence you’re looking for. Remember: All sexual behaviour starts with your brain.


For a lot of women, sexual anxiety is a problem. I’m not talking about being unable to perform any sexual act, but about the ones which require you to go outside your comfort zone. The first thing you need to do is recognize where the anxiety is coming from. It may be about swapping roles from nurturer to sexual being or about your body image. Whatever it is that is holding you back from being a confident sexual being, you need to wrap your head around it. Only then, will you be able to confidently perform that elusive strip tease.

Madonna vs whore

Now, most women have had it drummed into them that they aren’t sexual beings. The ones who are sexually confident are labelled whores. Then there’s the Maddona – pure, holy and non-sexual, the type of women which men want to take home to their family and marry. This is societal teaching. Plain and simple.

In reality, women can and should be both without the labels or feeling bad about their sexuality. Plus, men want their women to be sexual beings, but want it to be exclusively for them to witness and appreciate. It’s enough to screw with any woman’s head!

If your anxiety is coming from this type of mentality, you need to work through it. Exposure therapy is used by psychologists with a host of behavioral changes. Do one small progression forward each time you have a sexual encounter, until you reach the goal of performing a strip tease. Begin with sexual acts which are in your comfort zone. Gradually extend it to acts you find a little less comfortable, until you reach a point where the leap from being totally anxious about a strip tease isn’t so gigantic. The more you practice a particular behavior, the easier it gets.

Body image

Body image can affect a person’s sex life significantly, according to Dr. Stephanie Buehler, psychologist, sex therapist and author of Sex & Passion: The Essential Guide. There’s no single defining reason and usually several factors combine and cause poor body image.

Buehler has some tips to improve body image which include:

  1. Focus on what you like about your body, rather than what you don’t like.
  2. Look at yourself as a whole, rather than individual pieces in a mirror.
  3. Exercise and move your body regularly. Recognise its function rather than focus on its appearance.
  4. Understand media representation of people is generally unrealistic. Take notice of regular peoples different shapes, sizes and appearances.
  5. Replace negative self talk with positive self talk. For example, “I have nice eyes, rather than I have a flabby stomach.”

Improving your body image can be a challenge, but it is achievable. If you don’t feel confident with your body, you really are missing out on an awesome sex life. Is it worth it? Absolutely not. It’s the thoughts that run around in your head that you need to take charge of.

If you need help achieving this, go and see a counselor or sex therapist. They will have plenty of strategies to help you be more confident, explore your sexuality, connect better with your partner and strive for a more fulfilling sex life. What do you have to lose? In this case, nothing but your clothes!

Good luck and happy stripping.

Image via

November 12, 2014

Simple Ways To Boost Your Confidence

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a magic confidence pill with no side effects? I don’t have the magic pill (I wish!), but I can suggest the next best thing – some simple daily habits to boost your confidence that you can easily implement into your life.

Good posture

The way we hold ourselves affects not only how others see us, but also how we see ourselves.  A study by Briñol, Petty and Wagner shows that by simply standing or sitting straighter people get more confident in their thoughts and when they choose to think positive thoughts, they are more likely to believe them. Another research by Carney, Caddy and Yap found that spending a few minutes in what they called ‘power poses’, which were open and relaxed, helped people feel more powerful and in control. So straighten up, relax your shoulders and let your confidence pour in.


Exercise can help you develop good posture. It also gives you a sense of achievement, which is important for self-confidence, and increases your general vitality and wellbeing. As an added benefit, there’s the look. I don’t know about you, but I have a tendency to want to hide when I feel and look out of shape. On the other hand, when I feel fit and strong, it’s definitely something I want to show off and share with the world.

Australian bush flower essences

I’d heard that Australian bush flower essences could boost your confidence, but I knew nothing about them, so I approached Leesa Melrose, a bush flowers practitioner from, for advice. “The bush flower essence for confidence is Five Corners. It helps increase your self-worth, self-love, self-esteem and self-confidence. It supports you to stop sabotaging yourself and your dreams by helping you see you are worthy and deserving,” Leesa says.

So is this the magic pill we’ve been looking for that we can take before an important meeting or presentation and be done with it? Not quite. With bush flower essences the goal is to achieve lasting transformation rather than a quick fix.

“The essence is taken seven drops under the tongue morning and night for two weeks. Results vary for each person, yet after two weeks there will be a marked difference in confidence. Depending on how long the lack has been present, another two weeks might be recommended.” She also mentioned a bush flower essences combination called Confid that could be of great help.

Practising gratitude

Looking for something to be grateful for in any situation gets you out of the victim mindset and helps you focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have. As a result you collect evidence of just how much you’ve achieved, all the things other people have done for you and how much they appreciate you. Surely if you’re receiving this much love, you deserve it!

Image by John Tann via

By Tatiana Apostolova

August 9, 2014