It starts innocently enough…
If cheating is so awful, why do so many of us do it?
Say hello to a whole new world of sexual boundaries.
It isn’t about the number of people you’re seeing…
I’m always surprised when someone blatantly has sex in front of me.
I knew what I was doing was wrong. But that wasn’t what scared me.
Just how far would you go to punish a cheating partner? Toss his clothes over the balcony of your apartment; sleep with his best friend? Perhaps spread a vicious rumour that the lady in question gave him a sexually transmitted disease?
For one woman, none of the above was satisfactory. Bronwyn Joy Parker, 22, recently received a suspended jail sentence for burning her boyfriend’s penis with a hair straightener after it was revealed that he had been unfaithful, reported News.com.au.
According to the article, Parker momentarily clamped tight her partner’s genitalia with the tongs, assuming that it would only feel like sunburn. Obviously, this wasn’t the case. The man suffered third degree burns to each side of his shaft, resulting in treatment at the Burns Unit of the Royal Adelaide Hospital.
“In short, his penis will be scarred for life and he will suffer from a number of issues, including the proper function of his penis, not to mention the cosmetic and psychological problems associated with the scarring to such a sensitive site,” district court Judge Paul Muscat said in the sentencing.
What’s unusual about this case is that the relationship was apparently so troubled that both parties came to a mutual agreement that if the victim ever cheated, Parker was allowed to burn his testicles. However, according to the hearing, the 22-year-old regularly abused him, including physically, if she suspected – or if he admitted – to being unfaithful.
Admittedly, the pair should have never been committed to one another in the first place, with infidelity, insecurity and jealousy plaguing their relationship. “You were particularly jealous of his association with his ex-girlfriend,” said Judge Muscat.
In an unsurprising twist of fate it was that particular ex that Parker’s boyfriend cheated on her with, and who prompted his ill-fate. Referring to the promise between the couple, Mascot said: “He said that you could ‘tap it’ with the straighteners after he removed his penis, after you said that you were not going to burn his testicles …
“You took his penis in your hand and then, with the other, you placed the straighteners on either side of the shaft of his penis before squeezing them momentarily.
“I need not here say anything of the pain and shock which he then experienced.”
Apparently, neither of the couple realised the seriousness of what they were about to embark on, however following the incident the victim described his penis as being “swollen, blistering and black in colour.” Yikes!
Parker was sentenced to nine months’ jail, but has since been suspended upon her entering an 18-month good behaviour bond. And as for her cheating ex, he continues to undergo constant review by medical specialists.
Can a sex machine ever replace the joys of the flesh? And can you actually imagine yourself getting it on with a handsome sexbot? Welcome to the future of sex, ladies.
Sex robots have long been a figment of our imaginations, starring in 1982’s Blade Runner, and who can forget those feisty fembots, in Austin Powers? But soon they’ll be a reality; in fact, they’ll be part of our everyday lives, researchers say. Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured), who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being, says it’s not a matter of if we’ll all be having sex with robots, but when.
Dr Mars is discussing the topic of sex robots at the futureofsex.net forum at Sydney next month. It’s a topic close to her heart following her 2010 paper, Robots, Men And Sex Tourism, which she co-wrote with “futurologist”, professor Ian Yeoman, her then-colleague at the Victoria Management School in Wellington, New Zealand.
After all, as Dr Mars points out – sex robots aren’t that much of a leap, considering women have already been using vibrators since they were invented at the turn of the 20th century. “Sex robots are absolutely inevitable and are likely to change the way we all have sex,” Dr Mars says.
“When you look at the technologisation of sex already, it’s clear that increasingly this kind of sex will become part of our leisure and pleasure. People will crave a luminal sexual experience.
“Sex robot prototypes, models, latex sex dolls and haptic technology – which recreates the sense of touch by applying forces, vibrations, or motions to the user – exist already.
“Advances in technology mean that machines are beginning to move organically. Data storage and manipulation capabilities and capacity constantly evolve. And enabling technologies is increasingly part of our lives. According to futurist Ray Kurzweil, by 2029 we will not be able to tell the difference between human and machine.”
So, what are the moral and ethical quandaries associated with sex with robots? How will intimate relationships be affected? Will sex robots help or hinder our close interpersonal relationships? “We have all the technology we need to make a sex robot right now, we have plenty of curiosity, but we don’t have the market to drive it,” Dr Mars says.
“Love and sex with a robot is not something most of us can envisage and is it real if we have to pay? Sex robots will enable sexual pleasures, but are highly likely to impede our sexual pleasures relationships.
“Women’s sexual pleasure has been enhanced by robots for over a century when they were invented at a time when orgasms were noted as a calmative or cure for women’s hysteria. Known as the job that nobody wanted, bringing women to orgasm apparently tested doctors’ skills and patience. Vibrators expedited the process of orgasm and soon women started self-soothing.
“We often look back to history for clues to the future. Vibrators definitely enhance women’s sexual relationships with themselves, but how well they have been embraced and incorporated into relationships is another story. Vibrators can be seen as threatening or read as a sign that a partner is not satisfied with our lovemaking.
“Sex robots will remember and predict our pleasures unfailingly. As Jude Law, playing Gigolo Joe in A.I. Artificial Intelligence, says: ‘Once you’ve had a lover-robot, you’ll never want a real man again.’”
In their paper, Dr Mars and Professor Ian Yeoman originally wrote about sex tourism in Amsterdam, focusing on men as the main consumers. But sex robots will “service” men and women equally in the future, she says.
“I think possibly women will demand more of their lovers and there will be more pressure on people to learn about sex, be fit for sex and know what they are doing. Sex robots will broaden our sexual horizons and inspire us to know more. Sex robots will usher a new era of sexual knowledge, understanding and expression.”
So, does sex with a robot constitute cheating? And will sex robots break up marriages aplenty, in the future? “How far can I go before it’s cheating? This is a question my clients often want to discuss,” Dr Mars says.
“They often ask: ‘If I watch porn is it cheating? If I go online and find a chat room to indulge a proclivity my partner doesn’t share, is it cheating? If I fantasise about my friend’s boyfriend, have a threesome, kiss a girl/boy/transperson, is it wrong?’
“By 2050, if not before, we will have a choice to have sex with a humanoid robot. And, in an era of sexual repression, which is where we are now, it will be seen as cheating!”
By “era of sexual repression”, Dr Mars means many people today still don’t have the kind of sex they really want, and/or don’t talk about sex or even know that much about sex. “It’s more acceptable to have a wider interest in sex now, because of the internet, but people still have many issues with the actual ‘having the sex’,” she says.
“There’s angst, guilt, and people make mistakes because they try to have the kind of sex porn stars have, but they are professionals. People often don’t really know what to do and they don’t act on their desires because they don’t want to lose relationships.”
Watch this space, ladies: sex with robots looks certain to become our new reality.
Images via target-news.com, thedailybeast.com, cityoftongues.com and dorkbotsf.wordpress.com
If, in the lead-up to Valentine’s Day on Saturday, your partner awarded you a free pass to get it on with a Hollywood celebrity, whom would you choose?
Recently married actor George Clooney is an extremely popular top pick, a recent sex survey revealed. Conducted by adult dating site Victoria Milan, via www.victoriamilan.com, the survey found 21 per cent of respondents wanted to pants Clooney.
Of course, the 56-year-old one-time sworn bachelor last year shocked the world (and no doubt himself) when he married London-based Lebanese-British lawyer, activist, and author Amal Alamuddin, 37, now known as Amal Clooney.
With an arguably more impressive career than her new actor, writer, producer, director and activist husband, Amal may have to watch her back if this survey is to be believed.
And while I am in no way personally advocating infidelity – it’s not my bag, baby – Victoria Milan is a dating site for attached people looking to cheat. And, back to the results, which also showed seven of every 10 cheating Aussie wives prefer to have an affair with a married man.
Next up, on the list of most-coveted celebrity husbands included George’s good mate, Brad Pitt and Ryan Reynolds, who secured second and third place with 16 per cent and 14 per cent of the votes respectively.
Founder and CEO of Victoria Milan, Sigurd Vedal says the results demonstrate solidarity between married cheats.
“If the person you cheat with is married, the playing field is levelled. There is a level of understanding, and most likely, you both have the same wants and needs,” Ms Vedal says. “Cheating doesn’t mean a person is unhappy in their marriage – they are just looking for that little something extra.”
Erm, right. I’m so glad she cleared that one up. Did someone say “wedding vows?”
Also popular were actors Joe Manganiello; Johnny Depp; Ashton Kutcher; Sean Penn; Adam Levine; Kanye West and Marc Anthony.
Images, in order, via: www.phootoscelebrities.com; www.dailymail.co.uk; and www.womenshealthmag.com.
Which would be worse: if your partner had sex with – or fell in love with – someone else? A survey of 667 singles examined relationship faithfulness, finding some major differences in how men and women view cheating. While men think sexual infidelity is worse, women can’t bear the thought of their partner falling in love with someone else.
The survey by ELITESINGLES showed 65 per cent of the men polled said that sexual unfaithfulness is worse, compared to 55 per cent of women who think such emotional unfaithfulness would be harder to handle. But despite their opinions on what constitutes the worst in infidelity, men are more likely to cheat sexually (43 per cent had in the past compared with just 30 per cent of women) while women were more likely to engage in emotional infidelity (27 per cent said that they’d fallen in love with someone outside a partnership, compared with just 12 per cent men). Hypocritical?
Why are people unfaithful?
The poll also questioned participants’ motivation for past infidelity, finding men and women to differ here, too. While most men (55 per cent) struggled to identify exactly why they cheated, 28 per cent admitted to wanting sex with someone else, and a further 25 per cent said it was due to relationship boredom. A small minority (7 per cent) noted it was born out of revenge, while 12 per cent revealed it was another love which made them act. As for the women, a somewhat larger number admitted to taking revenge (11 per cent), while 35 per cent said they were bored in their relationship and 27 per cent in love with someone else. “I wanted to have sex with someone else” was agreed with by just 16 per cent of women.
Infidelity victims: some decide to forgive and forget, others turn to online dating.
While they disagree on what’s worse, 20 per cent of both men and women are prepared to forgive infidelity within a relationship – despite unanimously citing faithfulness, honesty and happiness as the most important characteristics to look for in a partner. Meanwhile, the survey into relationship loyalty touched on a sensitive issue for a large number of singles; 30 per cent of participants conceded that they had turned to online dating after refusing to forgive cheating in their previous relationship.
The course of true love doesn’t always run smoothly, and most couples encounter some relationship problems. Fortunately, many of these relationship issues can be solved with a bit of work. Most breakups can be blamed on a small set of conflicts, so here are three of the most common problems and how to fix relationships that are affected.
The problem: bad sex
When sex is good, it’s very, very good. Sex is one of the things that keeps a couple together, so when there are problems, they should be taken seriously. If your chemistry as a couple isn’t working, there are things you should try.
One is finding time for sex, even if it requires making an appointment and hiring a baby sitter. Too many couples let their sex life fall by the wayside as they build a family, but this is sure to lead to dissatisfaction on both sides. Make a few weekly “sex dates” and see if this puts the heat back in your sex life.
Another idea is to make lists of what turns each of you on—and trade them. You may be surprised to learn how creative your partner can be, plus get new ideas for having great sex!
The most important thing is not to ignore it and hope the situation will improve by itself. Open communication is key.
The problem: money
After sex, financial woes are the problem most likely to cause relationship issues. These are lean times for many people, and that can lead to tension within a relationship, especially if one of you is a “spender” and the other is a “saver.” Some couples find out after marriage that they have been raised with wildly conflicting ideas about money.
If you’re having financial problems, they won’t just go away because you hide the bills and try to ignore them. The two of you must sit down and take an honest, non-hostile look at your finances. This is not the time to lay blame, because it’s likely that both of you are partly responsible for your money problems.
You should calmly go over the entire situation—bills, debts, bank statements, savings, insurance, investments, pay stubs—and work out a budget. Allocate tasks: one person should be in charge of checking statements and paying the bills, and both should have a modest allowance that they don’t have to account for. If the situation is really dire, you should consider going into financial or debt counselling as a couple.
The problem: trust
If your relationship has been rocked by infidelity, you may not be able to repair the damage. In some cases, the loss of trust in too much of a betrayal to overcome, but there are things you can try in hopes of fixing the relationship. Both of you have to be committed to the idea that your love is worth saving.
If you are the one who was unfaithful, you must show by your actions that you can be trusted again. Don’t give your partner any more reason to doubt you. Always be on time, show respect for your partner and never, ever lie.
If you are the injured party, ask yourself if you can forgive your partner and move on to save the relationship. Avoid jealousy, and don’t throw the past up or overreact to every small slight. If you find that you’re unable to put the hurt behind you, then maybe the relationship can’t be saved.
How have you solved your relationship problems?