Unlucky in love, or plain shit at online dating?
‘Tis the season to be jolly, so why not wave goodbye to being single and say hello to a new partner this festive season? With online dating sites such as My Single Friend offering a convenient and simple way to meet people around your busy lifestyle there’s no excuse for being lonely under the mistletoe, so here are five useful tips to find a Christmas cracker.
Write a quirky profile
These days, many people log on to find a potential love match with internet dating now thought to be the second most popular way to pick up a date. That means there are many profiles out there to sift through so try to make yours stand out from the crowd. Be fun, interesting, engaging and avoid waffle at all cost to avoid boring people.
Don’t please the masses
There are many things you could say that are sure to please the masses such as: ‘I’m kind, loving and patient,’ or, ‘I’m hardworking, passionate and loyal.’ These statements are all well and good but they won’t set you apart from anyone else, so try focussing on things you really like and enjoy – even if it excludes the masses. Saying you’re a Star Wars fanatic might send people running for the hills but it could also attract your perfect love match.
Include a picture
Believe it or not, there are many rules to follow if you want to post the perfect profile picture. The right snap could get you noticed so opt for smiley profiles, action shots and full-length images and make sure anything you put online is recent, after all, no one cares how you used to look ten years ago. Professional shots are nice but more natural ones can also be appealing so include a variety.
Use correct spelling and grammar
The strange thing about the internet is that people can and will judge you before they’ve even met you. They’ll scrutinise your photo as well as your spelling and grammar so always check everything thoroughly before posting it as numerous errors can be off-putting. If the written language isn’t your strong point, try writing things in a Word document first and using spellcheck before copying and pasting into your profile. That way you should spot mistakes before your page goes live.
Be honest and open
When people go online they can feel a sudden urge to create a persona and lie about their hobbies, job or appearance. If you’re looking for true love making up lies will do you no favours in the long run, so be as open and honest as possible. The truth has a strange habit of coming out, so don’t say you’re 6ft 4ins if you’re 5ft as this will make a first date awkward and don’t pretend to be in a different profession just to try and impress. Be truthful upfront and you’re more likely to find a suitable love match.
Internet dating is supposed to be fun and could lead to new and exciting opportunities so if you’re single it’s certainly worth giving it a go. You never know, you could find the love of your life which is sure to get 2015 off to a great start.
It seems that there are more negative aspects about the world of online dating, rather than positives such as making a long-life connection with someone. News headlines are now more than ever reporting on catfish scams which are slowly filling up dating websites across the world. Online dating can open up a new world and connect you to potential matches that you otherwise wouldn’t be able to link with due to geographic proximity. Rather, be aware of the signs if something just doesn’t seem right, and remember to always protect yourself.
These scams are generally made to lure vulnerable people in through means of sweet talking, to give the scammer whatever they desire. Think large sums of money, and time, both of which you can never get back from these people. Most popular are the Nigerian ‘419 scams’ whereby the main objective is to seduce, use and fraud someone into sending large sums of cash over the internet for an even larger return. Seems rather impossible doesn’t it? These scammers prey on the older and more vulnerable members of society, and scams can go on for months or even years.
If someone has ever asked you for large sums of money, or for any sum of many for that matter, shut down the conversation as fast as you can.
Chatting and online dating often invite a larger level of intimacy since you could be talking for many hours a day. Make sure to keep your correspondence strictly online, until you are sure that this person is the real deal. It’s best not to hand out a strong of social media accounts such as Twitter, and befriend each other on Facebook at this stage. Ask yourself if this is moving too fast, and generally make sure to tell a close friend about what is going on. If you’re too embarrassed to confide in a friend, maybe the intimacy is stepping over the mark a little. If you’re still interested, just wind it back and firstly try to befriend this person and build a friendship. A relationship can always follow.
No ‘real’ connection?
Many people are highly against purely online dating since you lack the genuine connection you might have with ‘the one’ when you meet them. First dates generally are the best ways to realise if you have a connection or basis of a friendship with this person, and if it’s the right thing to pursue it any further. Online dating is more calculated, where each party will only display a version of themselves they would like the other to see. Lying and manipulating are more common in this area, since they are more difficult to pick-up online.
- Be cautious and remember that although you might be pouring your heart out, you will never really be sure the the person on the other side is being truthful about who they are.
- If you feel a genuine connection based on similar personality traits, goals and aspirations, suggest a highly populated place to meet up, (such as a coffee shop). Be sure to tell a close friend if you have intentions to meet up, just in case it goes sour.
- Back away if anyone asks you for money, or gives some soap-opera story line about not being able to meet. If they sound too good to be true, they probably are.
Image via Libby Fordham
By Felicia Sapountzis
Yesterday was the busiest day of the year for online dating, so we’ve reviewed three of Australia’s best dating sites – RSVP, eHarmony and Plenty of Fish – so you can start the new year with a new love!
Australia’s most popular dating website is RSVP, a dating website that offers a free personality survey and a number of different mobile dating options. Using RSVP is
To create a profile on RSVP, upload a few recent photos, complete your profile information, describe your interests, and what you want out of an ideal partner. After your profile is completed, use RSVP’s customised search function to find other Australian singles that have the specific personality traits, interests, and let’s face it, physical attributes, you desire in a better half.
Where RSVP sets itself apart from other Australian dating websites is that the it uses algorithms to comb through their database, helping match your profile to other singles with similar interests and values. Which means less browsing and more time flirting and chatting with potential partners.
When you find a sexy single that piques your interest, break the ice by sending them a “kiss.” A kiss is a free, preset message that helps you establish a connection.
The next step is to buy “stamps” so you can begin a conversation and chat with your potential match for 30 days. RSVP’s Priority Services cost $14.90 a month, which gets you to the top of the search results, or $29.90 for their Private Service, which allows you to enjoy more privacy, upload more photos, and send Stamps that don’t expire.
eHarmony: 29 Dimensions of Compatibility
Like RSVP, eHarmony gives you access to a large network of Aussie singles. It’s one of the biggest dating networks in the world, thanks in part to its patented 29 Dimensions of Compatibility.
eHarmony’s 29 Dimensions of Compatibility is a computer algorithm that is modeled around the relationship traits frequently found in successful relationships. When you create a profile on eHarmony, the service will match you with another single that has compatible values and interests.
There a number of different chemistry-building communication methods available for aspiring lovebirds. There’s the “Makes or Breaks” feature, and a “Digging Deeper” questionnaire, that allows you to ask to quiz a match about certain personality traits (a.k.a deal breakers). And if you don’t want to give out your contact details, you can chat via their mail service, which is great for security.
eHarmony offers subscription services starting at $59.95 for a one-month subscription, to $239.40 for a year-long subscription.
Plenty of Fish
Plenty of Fish is one of Australia’s most popular dating sites, because it’s always been free so has attracted hundreds of thousands of Aussies. But don’t let that scare you – more singles increases the chance that you’ll find love. There is an upgrade feature but you’re better off saving your cash as it doesn’t really give you any benefits.
Start by taking Plenty of Fish’s “Chemistry Test,” which asks you a number of questions about your interests, romantic history, and romantic desires. It’s a good way to reflect about what you’re looking for in a partner. They also have a popular feature called “Your Relationship Needs,” a test and tutorial that will help you identify past relationship problems, as well as help you find the perfect match now.
What are your favourite dating sites? Share them in the comments!
The Christmas and New Year period is the peak time of year for ditching a dud date and finding a new fling. So it’s the perfect time to revamp your online dating profile and get back in the dating game!
Online dating guru and Oasis.com CEO Dave Heysen shares his insider tips to make your profile work hard for you this party season.
DO refresh your profile
The way your profile is written can depend heavily on the mood you were in on the day you wrote it. If it’s been a few weeks since you last edited your profile, why not revisit what you wrote. Maybe there is something new to share about yourself or a part of the profile you feel like changing. And always spell-check! Spelling might not be important for you, but for some it’s a deal breaker.
DON’T follow the crowd
Nowadays, the online dating pond is more like a vast ocean. Don’t let yourself get lost in the sea of dates. Remember to be yourself, be original and don’t get caught up in the idea of what others expect you to be and say. If you are witty, then your profile should be witty. If you are more serious, it’s okay for your profile to be a little more serious. As long as your tone is friendly and positive, people will enjoy hearing what you have to say.
DO upload new photos
You can tell a lot about someone within seconds of looking at their profile picture, so it’s no surprise that photos are the single most important part of any online dating profile for both men and women. Make sure your profile is full of great quality, recent photos of yourself looking great – and that means smiling and having a good time. That might be a photo of you out with friends, with your family or relaxing a home – whatever you enjoy doing most. The more happy, confident and relaxed you look, the more likely you are to have success.
DON’T forget who you’re trying to impress
While photos can be a huge help, a bad photo can also be a real hindrance. Women tend to avoid guys that upload photos of themselves in big groups of mates, holding beer cans or flexing their muscles in the bathroom. While these macho displays might impress their mates, they’re unlikely to win points in the dating scene. In the same way, women tend to upload their own awkward selfies, pulling ‘duck face’, wearing large sunglasses and too much make up – all things that frustrate men who just want to see what the woman really looks like!
DO act now!
Don’t put off dating until the new year. Start now by using online dating search functions and apps to help you find potential dates in your local area. Once you locate the singles in your area, you can narrow your search by preferences and start chatting. No excuses!
While these few rules are aimed to help you navigate your way through summer, remember that online dating is supposed to be fun. So be yourself, keep your profile fresh and get involved!
As a dating coach, my job is to guide women through the difficult terrain of modern dating. If you are currently single, long-term lonely or perhaps married but arguing with your husband and want to imagine life without him – then let me take you inside the matrix of online dating.
You will visit an online dating website. You will not sign up to this website but peruse the options, should you lower yourself to signing up to the site one day. The doughy headshots of regular men will clutter up the screen and your heart will sink. I wouldn’t have sex any of these men, you will think. There is no one here.
You’ll come across a man who is handsome. You will get yourself another wine and read his profile. He’s not funny, but he’s definitely handsome. Maybe there are men online who would be fun to date. It will be fun, you think. Just a little bit of fun. It’s been a long time since you had any fun. The words fun, have a laugh, why not! will circle around your mind until they descend like a mantra, pick-up speed and drive like a freight train right through you. You are due some fun. You are entitled to it. You sign up to the website and riffle through your computer for half-decent photos of yourself.
That man, the handsome man who invited you into the matrix, has since disappeared. You wonder if he was a lure and if he existed at all. You cycle through the non-descript faces of good-natured, bewildered men looking for the handsome one. He is gone but something else has happened. Your eyes have adjusted to the light and you peer closer to the screen. They’re not all bad, you think. Some of them are quite handsome. You message these men. Your tone is arch and brittle. Look at what it’s come to, is what you’re trying to imply. They don’t message you back. It’s a shock. You wonder if your credit card has been charged. It has. You blink at the screen. Maybe their profiles are all fake. No, it says they are online right now. The message was read and they chose not to get back to you.
You look at yourself in the mirror. Naked. You put on a dress. Have you over-valued yourself in the sexual market place? You stare at the doughy faces of the non-descripts. Maybe he has nice hands. You message one of them. He gets back to you right away. You’re flirting. He’s unattractive to you, but you are off and away. This is harmless fun! I’m never going to have sex with this guy, but I need a starter. Someone to reject! Someone’s shoulders to stand on as I reach for the balcony and clasp for the upper levels, for the pretty party, where the handsome men are! Where I belong!
He wants to meet you for a drink. This is fun. Ha ha ha. This guy hasn’t got a chance in hell. I need a starter date like porn stars need fluffers. You agree to the date. You tell all your friends. Isn’t this awful, you say, that it has come to this? I don’t date, I hate dating! You think about what you’re going to wear for this schmuck. You drive yourself to the bar and notice your hands are shaking.
Your hands are shaking. You practice your opening lines, all of them. It’s been a long time since I’ve dated, you’ll say. That’s too confessional, you think. If you start talking about how long it’s been since you last dated, before you know it, you’ll be talking about your ex. The one who left you. Talking about your ex is on the Ten Commandments list of what not to-do’s on a date and don’t do it. You ask yourself nicely not to do this. You wonder if your ex is on a date right now, on the other side of town and your heart stops mid-air.
You’re going to power date this schmuck so hard, he won’t know what hit him. Ha ha ha. You’ll let him touch you. Revenge sex is absolutely out of the question, however. After all, this guy hasn’t done anything wrong. You have class, whatever the hell that means. You’ve got it. Who’s perfect, you look at yourself in the mirror. Who’s perfect? Who’s had a perfect life? No one. A few of your friends look like they’ve had a perfect life, but forget about them. You’re going to power date this guy right against the wall.
You see him. He’s not ugly, but his leather jacket is enormously disappointing. It’s going to be hard to sex around that. His shoes are okay and his skin is in good shape. You walk towards him and hope he doesn’t say anything shitty. You’re going to sleep with him on the third date, if he doesn’t say anything shitty. You say hello to him and kiss him on his cheek. His hands are shaking.
He kisses you in your car and reaches for your hand. That’s the most surprising thing of all the things. He holds your hand, like you’re there.
- Convenience – you can browse for mate and dates when it suits you
- Confidence – you can screen prospective dates very thoroughly and reveal your details only when it suit you
- Control – you call the shots and determine the nature and pace of the relationship
Lavalife is one such service. An online resource for singles dedicated foremost to finding fun and friendship, this world-wide agency ‘offers singles anytime, anywhere connections that make single life a positive, fulfilling and self-esteem building experience through relationship opportunities, social interaction and a like minded community of ideas and information.’ Real-life relationships and more may eventuate – the choice is yours.
Sound good? How does it work I hear you ask?
Go to Lavalife and have a look around. The Be Our Guest option allows you to browse the site to see the kinds of men and women registered there, and if they are interest in dating, romance or something else… You then select your gender and the gender of your partner, then your location (the whole world is listed!) and preferred age bracket and whether you want your prospective date’s picture to be displayed. Indicate the type of relationship you’re after and you’ll be presented with a list of the likely candidates…
In Be Our Guest mode you can look but can’t communicate with any of these strapping, available lads. You can however view their picture and a detailed profile of their likes, hobbies and personal details like eye colour etc.
Phwoar! He’s a bit of all right…
So you want to chat with the 32-year-old 6’2″ blue-eyed book publisher from Brisbane who enjoys reading, wind surfing and Italian food? Or perhaps it’s the muscular 25-year-old Leo from Sydney with the green eyes and taste for fast cars who’s more your speed? The next step is to create profile for yourself on Lavalife by following the Sign Up For Free instructions. You even get to enter a nickname for yourself to ensure your privacy and this allow you to reveal your name only when you feel comfortable…
Once you have a profile and a membership, you can email or send live Instant Messages (if they are online when you are) to your chosen one (or how ever many you’d like, if your playing the field).
- Experiment and find a style and tone that ‘sounds like you’
- Use an interesting subject line in your message
- Check spelling and try use a conversational, creative and positive tone
- Pick-up lines are cheesy and corny and don’t make a good first impression
- If replying to a profile, mention something about the recipient’s profile that interested you
- Ask a question or two and include some brief information about yourself
- Keep things light and friendly, anything else can come across as desperate and needy
It’s that easy.
If you find you click with a person through your emails and messages, you could even take the next step and have a chat on the phone. If all goes well, you could meet in person.
Tips for meeting face to face
- Speak to them on the phone first
- Make sure you have a contact phone number for them
- Let a friend know when the date is, where and with whom
- Arrange to meet somewhere neutral like a coffee shop to start with
- Keep it short and sweet for the first few dates – eg a coffee, an art gallery
I did meet someone special three months ago. This coming September we are going to get married. I would like to thank your service, as if not for you I would have never met her.
Thanks again, G. Boal
Thank you! I really wasn’t sure what I was going to find on your site. I’ve found an amazing fellow. He’s sweet, sexy, and a keeper!! So, I decided to retire my profile for now, because, as flattering as all the attention is, I want to concentrate on this great man… and see how it all works out.
Thanks Lavalife. I’ve met someone wonderful on your site. She’s even planning on moving, so we can be closer.
Keep up the good work!