What if we’re simply doing monogamy wrong?
My boyfriend asked me to live with him… then took it back.
Despite the giant leap Feminism has made for women’s rights, there is still a significant amount of households being maintained by women. Many women fall into a trap of doing the majority of the household chores. It likely happened as a result of their behaviour when they first moved in with their partner.
A lot of women get swept up in the moment and want to prove, that their partner has chosen the perfect wife. They want to care for and pamper the person they love.
It’s been bred in them since they were born. Little girls are taught from an early age, how to maintain a home and look after children. They cook the meals, keep the house sparkling clean, do the washing, ironing, shopping and anything else that fits in with the 1950s version of the ideal wife.
The only problem is, as time passes, these things will be expected. This is ultimately how women have made a rod for their backs and how societal expectations have supported it.
Therefore, if you want a household which resembles an equal partnership rather than a relationship which mimics of the 1950s, be aware you have the power to do either. It starts in the first few months of being alone together, when you first learn how to live together. Being aware of how your current or past behaviour leads to expectations of your future behaviour is the key.
So, when moving into a home with your partner don’t automatically take on all the responsibilities of running a home. This is what women have done for centuries. If you want your life to be different, it needs to begin differently.
Although your partner may come from a home where the women does the cooking, cleaning and shopping; they can learn to do things differently. If your partner insists they don’t know how to do something; teach them! Some women may be lucky enough to snag a man who has been taught by a mother who has prepared them or who has lived out of home for a time.
Chores such as washing, ironing, shopping, cooking and cleaning can be done by either partner. Having a roster for things that need to be done is a great way to share the load.
Working out who is better at what, is a part of the adventure of living together. Your partner may be a wizard in the kitchen while you are better at mowing the lawn. Who cares who does what as long as it all gets done and you can share the responsibilities.
This will remove the burden of doing all the housework for the remainer of the relationship; which in some cases may be lifelong. Remember that it’s much harder to change a pattern once it has began than to establish the desired pattern at the onset.
By Kim Chartres