Everyone wants a kick-ass dating profile, right? Well, apart from having an awesome pic with your smiling mug on it, you really need to focus on your wording. Despite us all being highly visual creatures who predominately look first, people who are serious about wanting a relationship will take the time to read about the person in front of them.
Unfortunately, this is where the battle of the sexes reignites yet again. The opposite sex don’t always agree with what the other assume is a positive trait. Why? There are heaps of English words with multiple meanings. For example, when single ladies describe themselves using words such as strong, they assume it’s telling a prospective date that they’re independent, self-reliant and resilient.
While other women are often in awe of ladies who confidently describe themselves as strong, this little adjective can be a major turn-off for men. In fact, some men claim that when they spot words such as strong on a dating profile, they can’t click away fast enough. To them, this word – and words with similar meanings – are simply code for pushy, demanding and domineering.
So how do you get across who you are without scaring away prospective partners? Luckily, I’ve got some tips for you on how to produce a kick-ass dating profile. Just follow these simple guidelines and it should help you present yourself better and give you options to describe who you are in more accurate detail.
Tip 1: Be honest
There’s nothing worse than a liar in the game of love. So if you’re serious about finding that special someone then you need to be completely honest. Start by using an image of yourself and keep the editing to a minimal. Don’t Photoshop yourself down to a large breasted skeleton or buff yourself up to be a body builder if your not. Instead use an image which accentuates your best assets and you can’t go wrong.
The same principal applies to the wording. For example, if you don’t earn a six figure salary or model swimwear don’t claim to. Why? The key thing to remember is that good solid relationships are based upon trust and respect. So if you lie about yourself from the get-go you’ll basically be screwing up any potential for a long-term relationship.
Tip 2: Choose the right image
If you really want a serious relationship, you need to put some effort into it. Ideally make sure your profile picture is the very best image you have. Think about what you want your image to say about you. Don’t just upload a selfie quickly snapped in front of your screen. Go that one step further and put some thought into what you want your first impression to say about you.
Tip 3: Carefully select your wording
Although it might be tempting to describe yourself using a few generalized words such as masculine or independent it’s much better to give these words some thought before you commit to using them. To do this I’d recommend reviewing each one using a Thesaurus. Yeah I know this may sound tedious. Yet by doing this you’ll be able to describe yourself much more accurately plus leave less scope for misinterpretation.
I’ll give you an example using the word independent. Below are some synonyms (words with similar meaning) directly from thesaurus.com.
- on one’s own
Additionally, thesaurus.com provide a list of related words:
Notice that there are multiple meanings of this word and some of them aren’t exactly complimentary? Instead I’d recommend selecting more appropriate and specific words from the list. For example if want to use the word independent to describe that you’re self-reliant or self-sufficient use the more accurate words because they are far more descriptive about who you are.
Additionally where possible provide more detail along with the adjectives you use to describe yourself. Take the word enthusiastic for example. What are you enthusiastic about? A serial killer could be enthusiastic to seek his next victim but if your enthusiasm is more akin to gardening then adding this additional information will help you find a more suitable partner.
Well that’s about it. If you’re completely honest, choose the right image and carefully select your wording you’ll create yourself a kick-ass dating profile and be well on your way to meeting that special someone!
Despite the consensus that you can’t find love at a bar, hopeful singles still pack popular venues every weekend in search of their perfect partner. Interestingly enough, some are actually finding it there. I’ve met a number of couples who initially met at bars and have been married for decades, so the idea that it can’t happen is a myth – love can, and will, find you wherever you are.
In saying that, however, there are some who continuously strike out. It’s a bizarre conundrum and singles seriously searching for that special someone need to ask themselves: what the heck’s going on?
Maybe it’s something to do with social competence, perhaps? Some people do have the gift of the gab and they seem to be able to strike up a conversation with almost anyone – especially when they’ve had a few drinks.
However, there is major difference between having a few drinks to socialise and going over the top and drinking way to much. Being drunk isn’t pretty no matter who you are. Even the most attractive person can look ugly if they’ve drank too much as it’s not so much about their looks, but their overall persona. I’m sure most of us would have witnessed someone in a bar doing some weird and not so wonderful things with a few vodkas under their belt!
It might be the usually shy guy in the corner whose downed a few too many bourbons and suddenly wants to take on every other male in the room; or the attractive young lady whose generally known to be intelligent and discrete who starts stripping off items of clothing to her favorite song. It really is amazing the stuff people do when they’re inhibitions are low and the wild beast within is set free.
Ideally, singles engaging in this sort of behavior aren’t giving off a great initial impression. Dating has recently been described as similar to attending a job interview, so these drunken antics certainly won’t have any potential partners lining up for them any time soon. They might be the most wonderful people to get to know, but the amount of alcohol they’ve consumed has made them instantly un-datable.
Sure, the bra clad lass may get a few offers for a quick roll between the sheets, but she’s definitely not going to find her Mr Right. Seeing as she’s so intoxicated, there’s a reasonable chance that she just might take up a willing bystander on his offer, however this is usually when STD’s and unwanted pregnancy raise their heads.
Drunk individuals aren’t capable of making great choices, so they are putting themselves at risk to a whole lot of trouble. With social media lurking, there’s also the fact that peoples one night drunken escapade doesn’t just stop when the parties over anymore; there’s a very real chance that whatever they’re doing when they’re as high as a kite will end up on Snapchat or Facebook.
Oh the shame! This stuff tends to linger for a while, so anyone who may have been thinking about asking them out may be a little put off. Therefore, it’s not only other singles at the bar that get to see these drunk individuals in action, the entire globe can now get a birds-eye view of peoples not-so-fine moments.
It’s probably not the impression most singles would want, particularly if they are serious about finding someone to love. So, if you are looking for Mr or Mrs Right at the bar and thinking about downing those extra few drinks for liquid confidence, rethink it – because you’ve got a much better chance of finding them if you’re drinking socially than drinking to get totally wasted.
Image via Daily Mail
We set goals and create plans for every other area of our lives, but when it comes to looking for love most of us leave it to chance. Sometimes chance works, but not always. If you have been waiting for a while, why not try something different?
Why you need clarity
Love and empowerment coach for women Karolina Dobrovska recommends to get crystal clear on what it is that you want in your relationship, just like you would do it for your career or business goals. When you know who you want to be with and how you want to feel in your relationship, there’s no place for confusion and you won’t always be wondering whether you’re with the right guy or not.
It’s also important to get clear on our own needs and desires because most of us are simply not used to listening to ourselves. And when we don’t know what we want, we turn to other people for approval. We choose a partner because our friends think that he’s a great guy or because he gets along with our parents and it’s time to have kids –so why not him?
“Well, what do you want?” asks Karolina. “Because you are the one who’s going to live with this person. You’re the one who’s going to be happy or unhappy.”
How to get clear on what you want
Start with child-like curiosity, like someone who doesn’t know what’s possible and what isn’t, and describe specific qualities that you’d like to see in your partner. Don’t edit yourself to make your description more realistic, dream big!
Focus on how you want to feel in your relationship. Explore each item on your list through the lens of the feelings it evokes. For example, it may be important for you that your partner wants kids, but why? How does that make you feel? Safe, connected, loved… Something else?
You can create your description of your ideal partner in the form of a checklist or simply write it out as a story, or even use art and images to connect you with your vision. Do whatever works for you, as long as it brings you clarity.
“I’ve got my checklist, now what?”
Once you have clarity, you’ve got two thirds of the work done already. Keep your description somewhere that you can see it often and be reminded of what you want, so that you don’t end up making compromises that cross your personal boundaries and devalue your self-worth.
Act as if you’ve already attracted your ideal partner and connect with the feelings you want to feel. Visualise the relationship you want to be in. That’s how you’re letting the Universe know that this is what you want. Even if you don’t believe in the Law of Attraction, getting familiar with the feelings you want will help you recognise them easier when you meet people.
Finally, let go of desperation. Don’t get attached to how and when you’ll find your soul mate and stop looking for someone else to make you complete. Give yourself what you need here and now. For example, if you’re looking for a partner with a great sense of humour so that you can have more fun and not take things too seriously, how can you do this for yourself today?
What if things don’t go to plan?
You might find yourself attracted to someone who doesn’t tick all the boxes. What now? “Go back and reflect,” suggests Karolina. “How much of a big deal is it for you that something is missing? How does it make you feel?” Trust your gut feeling if it’s telling you that something is wrong, no matter how silly the reason might seem. Alternatively, you may find that the missing quality is not that important to you and you feel exactly the way you want to feel anyway.
Other times you might meet someone who is all that you dreamed of and there’s nothing. No sparks. No attraction. Karolina says that this happens regularly. It’s usually because we tend to focus on external things and forget about the feelings. For example, you may have wanted a guy with six-pack abs, but when you meet him you discover that you feel self-conscious and nervous.
Don’t lash out at yourself in negative self-talk! Simply step back and observe: “Oh, that’s interesting. I met the guy I thought I wanted to meet but I feel self-conscious and nervous around him.” Then ask yourself the question: “Is this how I want to feel?” The answer will be pretty simple, yes or no. If it’s a no, then adjust your checklist and move on.
When you’re looking for love, don’t think that you have to change or that you can change someone else to make things work. You’re perfect just the way you are. There’s someone out there for you and when you’re clear on who he is, you’ll recognise him much easier.
Image via Pixabay
Women have been warned about looking for love in places like pubs, clubs or some online dating websites. Sorry, but it’s bull###! Finding love can and does happen anywhere. If there’s an attraction there, why should it matter where you find it?
If you been putting yourself out there looking for love but keep striking out, it’s more likely your expectations rather than the environment are sabotaging your search for Mr Right. You’re liking finding Mr Right-Now but lets face it, he’s not exactly hiding. Just add alcohol to any Tom, Dick or Harry and there he is! Sorry fellas, but you know it’s true.
When it comes to finding the “one”, there really isn’t a right or wrong place as many people are led to believe. For example, if you’re not a church goer (where people do recommend finding a good man) you’re not going to find anything in common with most men you find there anyway. How on earth can he even come close to being the right guy for you then? In all honesty he can’t. Not unless you suddenly change your entire lifestyle and that’s just ridiculous.
If you are meeting people in pubs, clubs or bars but haven’t been happy with the outcome of the relationships you’re finding there, you probably need to change your game plan. You’ve likely been doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. So many people fall into this trap. Only when you change your behaviour will you manage to change the outcome. Make sense?
So for one, if you are finding some companionship when you’re somewhere “wrong”, that’s half the battle. The second half of the battle is what you do with that companionship when you find it. Not all men are the same. Yes, of course if it’s dangled in front of them most of them will take it. Men are hunters, that’s what they do, but ultimately they are after the challenge whether they know it or not!! Plus, it’s incredible how persistent they can be when they really want something. There’s not need to chase because if a man is interested, he’ll usually come to you.
Basically if you are wanting more than a quick fling, a night of passion or a two date romance then plan for it. Resign the fact that you won’t be hooking up with strangers or casual acquaintances and make it clear what you are looking for. Don’t settle for less no matter how studly he is! Guys talk ladies, so it soon gets around who they can hook up with and who they can’t. Men don’t want someone long term, who will go home with anyone at the click of their fingers. There’s no challenge in that.
When word gets out that you’re a challenge and not easy pickings you’ll actually get way more attention. Be aware of how you present yourself and don’t aim to be the sexiest or hottest girl there either. You want to be alluring, not intimidating. Also, aim for the less is more look with your make up but not your clothing. You don’t want the way you look to scream one-night-stand when what you really want is a relationship. Men aren’t stupid, they know the difference.
While you’re getting this extra attention, work out who is there for what reason and you should be able to find someone who is looking for a similar relationship to you. People tend to forget that it really doesn’t matter where you find love. I met my long term partner in a very “wrong” place. (No I’m not sharing, it’s embarrassing how wrong it was!)
Plus, how will women find out who they have in front of them, if they continue to make assumptions about a mans motives? Just because you are both in the “wrong” place, doesn’t mean neither of you will find love there. You just might need to search a little harder and be a bit pickier.
Despite the fact that men do go to pubs and clubs or search online for a hook up, there are also plenty of very decent men there who maybe simply too shy to approach a lady or not after a fling at all. You won’t find that out unless you give some or at least one of them a chance. Be choosey, change your game plan and find the one searching for something more substantial and just killing time until you show up. It’s not easy out there, but if you play your cards right you’ll come out a winner!
Image via rockpele.com