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Oztantra

10 Ways To Reignite That Honeymoon Spark

One of life’s best natural highs is the thrill, passion and excitement of having a new partner. The conversation is endless, the connection you both feel is intense and the sex… Well let’s be totally honest, it’s hotter than hell! So, if you could reignite that honeymoon spark with your long term partner, why wouldn’t you do it?

Now, according to Graeme Sudholtz, a former Aussie farmer turned relationship and sex therapist and co-owner of Oztantra, “As you get older sex goes from a V8 automatic to a 4 speed manual, but it gets better!” His charming and equally skilled partner in life and in business, Annette Baulch, smiled and nodded in agreement.

I recently had the opportunity and privilege to sit down with this knowledgeable couple of holistic therapists to discuss love, life, relationships and of course sex. It was an entertaining and eye opening half hour, which left me wanting to book an appointment to go back for more!

They offer individual sessions, couples therapy and retreats, Skype appointments and more. Teaching individuals and couples about their sexuality, how to improve quality and quantity in their sex life, how to reignite the intimacy and connection in relationships and having longer lasting sex, are just a few of the topics we discussed. If you want more from your sex life and relationship, I’d highly recommend these two very down to earth, life and fun loving professionals.

They’re relaxed natures and ease in discussing relationships and sex would make even the coyest of people comfortable and they were kind enough to offer SHESAID tips on any upcoming relationship or sex related articles. Tips from the sexperts guys… Thank you Oztantra!

So, now you know where our info is coming from, lets get into Annette’s top 10 tips for reigniting that honeymoon spark:

1. Remember how to feel – The most common reason relationships go stale is that we shut down emotionally from each other. Make your feelings ok, remembering if you can’t feel yourself, you wont feel someone else.

2. Feeling mistakes – Don’t assume that the man is not feeling just because he may not talk about them or uses different language in talking about it. Men do feel, they just have less permission to show it. And women, don’t assume you ARE, check that you’re actually feeling your feelings in your body rather than thinking your feelings.

3. Be willing to be vulnerable – Being vulnerable is how we are able to connect with another and invite our partner into our world, which can be scary! Consequences of not doing this will ultimately lead to the loss of the relationship. Actively choosing to go there is far less scary.

4. Sleep together naked – Our skin is the largest organ in the body and is longing to be nurtured. As adults we are often touch-hungry, especially for touch that has no agenda to it. Relax and snuggle.

5. Honour yourself – We don’t realise how much we dampen our spirit by the hundreds of negative judgments we make about ourselves. Offer honest appreciation daily.

6. Bring love back into sex – Sex becomes boring and hard work when we let love run out and start performing instead. In sex, seek to connect rather than stimulate. Go slowly, connect eyes and breathe.

7. See each other clearly – Take the time to really listen to what they are saying (like you used to do) and get to know a whole new person.

8. Remove your exits – Long-term relationships can get leaky, where we drain energy away from the relationship. This can result in the ‘invisible divorce’. Too much TV, work, talking with friends, focusing on the kids, porn – all of these factors can negatively effect our relationships.

9. Plan a sex date – Set up a regular time to be sexual. Set the date and time (not late at night). You have other essential appointments, why not make sex one of them? Send texts in the lead-up. Ask your partner what they want, enjoy it with them if it feels ok for you. Vary it so you both get to share.

10. Spend quality time on your own – Sometimes couples can get enmeshed and lose the sense of a unique identity, which is what attracted you in the first place. It is healthy to have some time out on your own now and again.

If you want that honeymoon spark back or would like to find out more, speak to Annette and Graeme from Oztantra. Plus, we will have plenty more Oztantra tips and information coming up on SHESAID.

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Is Your Sex Life All About Achieving Orgasm?

When couples meet they usually have a period of abstinence where they get to know each other. As things develop they introduce some sexual behaviour into the equation. They first begin with kissing and cuddling, touching and holding hands. Despite the lack of intercourse, most new couples are pretty elated with each other.

RELATED: Sex And The Single Girl: Casual Sex 101

At their own pace, couples decide when it’s time for intercourse to enter their relationship (pardon the pun!). This is usually when their sexual behavior becomes orgasm orientated. The nights they had spent together just kissing, cuddling and talking are replaced with new and exciting ways to reach their happy ending.

As time passes this feature becomes more and more prominent. Life gets busy and sex lives become little more than a release of tension and frustration. It might consist of a quickie before you head to work in the morning or right before you go to sleep. It’s not exactly mind-blowing, but it’s sex in its most basic form. There might be nights when things spark up a little, but life takes over and it gradually slides back to the norm.

Now if that’s the routine your sex life has fallen into, you aren’t alone. Millions of couples have great intentions when it comes to their sex life, but the discussion is usually neglected or given much priority. When it comes to sex couples usually do it not talk about it.

So, what if you could get back that elation you experienced at the beginning of your relationship, before your sex life wasn’t focused on reaching orgasm? When your mind and body were in the here and now? When you actually experienced the feelings which accompanied the physical side of sex? When you felt more connected to your partner, in and out of the bedroom?

Without going back to step one and telling your partner, your’e both about to undergo a period of celibacy (which I’m sure they’ll just love!), there’s a way back from the destination you’ve reached. Tantra is basically sexual healing for the mind, body and soul. If you’ve heard about and tried it out, you’re in for a treat, because I’ve got heaps of Tantra tips and techniques coming up, direct from the sexperts at Oztantra.

Now, for those who haven’t heard of or tried Tantra, you may be unaware that both men and women can become multi-orgasmic, without being orgasm orientated. The pressure orgasm places on sex causes all sorts of issues and can actually turn sex into a chore or routine instead of the blissful experience it is meant to be.

For women, Tantra it’s about removing the social conditioning, which dictates women aren’t sexual beings and opens the door for sexuality to develop and enrich her entire being. They are encouraged to explore and enjoy their sexuality rather than stifle it and open themselves up to the love which a partner offers. In turn, she will openly be able to love her partner and express this love through passionate love-making.

For men, they learn to slow down and shift from having sex into an experience of lovemaking. They learn to focus on their own pleasure rather than performing for their partner. He is encouraged to separate orgasm from ejaculation and therefore prolong the experience for himself and his lady. He is encouraged to become a more confident love-maker with greater control of his sexual energy.

Together, couples expand and explore the love they feel for each other while improving trust and intimacy. Instead of rushed, energy sapping sex, Tantra is an experience in healing and rejuvenation. The chemicals in the brain and body which improve health and well-being have time to generate and disperse, which leaves the mind clearer and the body freer.

So, if your sex life is focused on orgasm, re-think the idea and simply enjoy the touch and sensation. Once that  “pressure” is removed the experience can be appreciated, much like the onset of the relationship before orgasm got in the way. Being non-orientated toward orgasm leaves room for a sexual experience to be fully enjoyed for the sake of enjoyment, not a means to an end to reach a happy ending!

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