And, no, we’re not talking about hanging out the washing.
Welcome to P-spot 101, ladies. P is for pleasure, plus P-spot or prostate gland! Did you have fun hunting for your G-spot last week?
The fun continues, only this week it’s your man’s turn; let’s locate his all-important erogenous zone – the P-spot – with the help of Sydney sexologist, Dr Michelle Mars (pictured). Dr Mars – who specialises in the sociology of sex gender and sexual well-being – says finding the P-spot is not dissimilar to hunting for your G-spot.
The male prostate gland, which is a hotbed of nerve endings guaranteed to drive him wild, is said to be located about three-quarters of a finger-length inside his anus. “It’s not so different to finding the G-spot on a woman in some ways. In and up towards the belly!” Dr Mars says. “It’s a bit further in than the G-spot – around the second knuckle for me – but I have long fingers.
“You’re looking for something quite firm, about the consistency of a medium steak.” Hmm, speaking of meat – how do we women incorporate P-spot pleasuring into our sex play? “Women can insert fingers or sex toys into the anus,” Dr Mars says. “However, there is another way: in Norwegian and Afrikaans Tjommie (“chômmy”) means ‘best friend’. It’s also slang for the perineum.
“I think that’s kind of interesting because becoming intimate with the perineum is one way to extend and enhance sexual pleasure. It’s a non-confrontational way to have fun with the P-spot.
“There’s a little indentation you can learn to play with and if you do it right you can multiply, extend, delay and generally play with a man’s sexual pleasures.
“Be aware that it is possible to press too hard!”
If you want to experiment with couples’ sex toys, Dr Mars says there’s a huge number out there specifically designed to pleasure his ultra sensitive P-spot. But, as always, the clever and astute sexologist wants us to feel our way first, in order to better our sexual knowledge and prowess. “There are heaps of sex toys available for the P-spot,” Dr Mars says.
“Personally, I think it’s important to go and have a look and invest some time and money and get it right. There are a lot of novelty toys out there that don’t quite do the job.
“For first timers, I suggest something small and silicon. Go to a good girl-friendly store like Max Black in Sydney or D’Vice in Melbourne or New Zealand and talk to the girls in store.
“You can also ask someone who knows about P-spots to take you to a sex shop.”
Interestingly, Dr Mars says we can’t examine men’s P-spot without also looking at what impact their sexual identity has on this anal pleasuring. “The prostate is easily accessible through the rectum, so straight away people think of gay men. But gay men don’t have anal sex because they are gay,” Dr Mars says. “So, anal sex is gay! Even though we know this is logically untrue.
“There isn’t a switch in gay men’s bottoms; they have anal sex because it feels good. Unfortunately, this has limited many ‘straight’ men’s sexual pleasure.” Dr Mars’ own research for a dating site AdultMatchMaker.com.au saw some 7631 answer a sex survey. Up to 25 per cent of respondents said they were bisexual and another five per cent said they weren’t sure of their current sexual orientation. “That’s a long way from the one and two per cent recent census estimates for gay and bisexual people,” she says.
“I think Robbie Williams is right, as per his lyric: ‘Everybody Swings Both Ways’ [from Swings Both Ways] or at least the sex-interested segment of the population is highly likely to.” So, rather than looking at anal sex as something only enjoyed by gay men, Dr Mars says we must also remind ourselves that women enjoy it too. “Let’s take a look at the gay myth,” she says.
“All gay men don’t like anal sex. Some women like anal sex and anal sex can be a fetish or a fantasy that makes people feel turned on, but they never actually want to do it. So, the gay taboo is based on a myth.”
Dr Mars says another reason P-spot play is frowned upon or taboo is because of the potential for mess. But she has the solution. “It’s nothing enemas and latex gloves can’t fix! And when you go exploring, don’t forget the lube!”
Images via health24.com, dreamstime.com and flickriver.com