Man, I feel like a woman.
Okay, ladies, if you’ve ever lied about your age, income or residency on a first date, you’ve been caught out! A new study has revealed that a whopping 61 per cent of both men and women lie about themselves on first dates, and to our surprise, the fibs differed greatly between genders.
Activity website Chillisauce found that the fellas were most likely to talk up their income, adding a sizeable 20 per cent on top of what they actually make, while the ladies were all too happy to bump nearly four years off their age. Oh, the deceit!
Apparently working as a secretary, receptionist or labourer doesn’t cut it nowadays, either, with both sexes admitting to lying most about their occupation. Men confessed to telling their dates they were an entrepreneur, pilot or invest banker, while the ladies were most likely to insist they were a teacher, interior designer, or wait for it… a model. Obviously some people don’t realise Instagram isn’t an agency.
It’s not all doom and gloom, however. The study, which surveyed 8000 Brits, highlighted that unlike us, males were rather truthful about their age and where they grew up. And the females? We’re apparently more comfortable opening up about our wealth and previous relationships. Go figure!
Now, before you call bullshit on your latest Tinder or RSVP date, in the survey it was noted that 44 per cent said they’d come clean by the third date – a good indication that they plan on sticking around. On the contrary, however, 25 per cent of participants said they would only confess if they were caught out. Time to ask your pilot lover to see his plane? Absolutely, girlfriend.
As for the ultimate first date turn-off, most women agreed that overconfidence was a potential deal breaker. In saying that, though, we were also the most forgiving when it came to a date who talked about themselves too much. It must be all those free flights they’ve promised!
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Want better sex and a better relationship? It’s easy. Plus, the beauty is if you learn this skill, your partner will too. Surely, that’s worth a couple of minutes of your time. Sometimes life gets in the way of connecting with your partner. The best way to connect better in the bedroom is to connect better out of it. It’s a fact that couples who communicate, respect and understand each other, have better sex and weather the toughest storms; plus they have a much stronger chance of remaining together over time. They develop a deeper intimacy and consider one another their best friend.
It all comes down to one exceptionally vital skill: listening. When you take the time to really listen to your partner, they will feel loved, acknowledged, appreciated, respected and understood. This is the foundation of a great relationship and even better sex. The importance of listening can’t be emphasised enough. It really is the ultimate relationship skill. The experts refer to this technique as active listening. There is quite a lot involved in this technique, however, if you follow these simple rules, you will be well on your way to securing a better relationship.
Make time to talk to each other
If you need to discuss something important, arrange a time when you are both physically and emotionally available. Having a deep and meaningful conversation on the spur of the moment is a recipe for an argument – especially if it’s about an issue which is affecting the relationship.
When you set a specific time to talk, limit the distractions. Turn of the TV, mobile phones and set the scene like you would for a romantic evening. Alternately, talking in a setting like the car can be another option. Although there are some distractions, such as traffic or children, it is a micro-environment, which is excellent for discussing everyday issues.
Give each other your attention and display it
It doesn’t matter if it’s a little thing like what to pick up from the shops or something much bigger. When you are listening, acknowledge it by nodding or other appropriate body language or verbal comments, such as “OK”, “I hear what you’re saying” or “I didn’t know you felt like that”. This displays respect and understanding.
When to speak…
Some people can switch off mid conversation, when they assume they know what their partner is going to say next. Try and have an open mind and wait until they finish speaking before you come to any conclusions. If you disagree, wait until they have finished. Don’t interrupt with your opinion or your experience and give them opportunity for them to to be heard.
This increases understanding, respect and intimacy. If you find you have trouble being heard in your relationship; this is a key exercise. Model the behaviour and next time your partner interrupts you, explain that you have been giving them the opportunity to speak, without interjecting, and therefore you would appreciate the same consideration.
It may take a while to change a behaviour, so be patient with your partner and yourself. Try to be aware of the tone you use. This can trigger an argument if your partner feels you are not genuine or are attacking them. Sometimes, it’s not the words which hurt, but the way we say them. Treat your partner as your best friend and that’s exactly what they will become.
By Kim Chartres
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* “Always love each other”
* “Be best friends”and so on and so forth. As wonderful as those seem, they seem to me to be very idealistic and somewhat na?ve.
I have one I’d like to table.
“Make life easy for each other”.
You know, “that lovin’ feeling” ebbs and flows during a relationship or marriage.
We all experience highs and lows, where sometimes we feel desperately in love with our partner and can’t bear for him/her to even leave to go to work for the day. Other times, we barely notice them walking in the door at the end of the day. It’s natural, we can’t always expect to be in a constant state of high romance and affection. But one of the constants we can depend on is the art of making life easy for each other.
You don’t have to be in the middle of a melting embrace to know that there are things you can do to help your partner’s day run more smoothly. Or in fact, his/her life to run more smoothly.
Imagine the peace you feel when you know that you can depend on your partner to unconditionally support you when you make a mistake. In return, you feel more than happy to make sure you deserve that support so it pays dividends to both of you.
Making life easy for each other isn’t just about doing odd jobs around the house, or sharing the housework, or doing the gardening together. It’s about making the effort to understand each other, standing united against common challenges, letting go of arguments that really, in the grand scheme of things, don’t matter. It’s to do with compromise and fairness. It’s so simple, really. Think in terms of “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.
By making life easy for your partner, how can he/she not do the same for you, thereby creating a harmonious, comfortable existence. And don’t we all want an easy life?
By Gina Luca
* Gina is a freelance writer whose passion for talking to people on the Internet provides much inspiration for her writing.
5 ways to tell if you’re a Drama Queen.
You’re at a party and you’ve had too much to drink. Your partner advises you to switch to water or soft drinks. You:
a) Drink orange juice at least until you’ve stopped reeling or he’s stopped watching. b) Accuse your partner of being a control freak and toss you drink in his face.
2 months ago your latest boyfriend dumped you. You:
a) occasionally feel down by overall you’re keeping busy and enjoying your freedom;
b) Still phoning all your friends, their mothers and your local noodle take-away, lamenting the end of the greatest love affair in history.
You have a head cold. You:
a) Take vitamin C and a day off work so you don’t spread your germs;
b) Go to work, tell everyone you have a rare new flu virus and you can’t remember the time you’ve felt so dreadful.
Your flatmate hasn’t washed up for a week and you need to use the pots and pans. You:
a) Wash them up but have a word with her about how annoying it is and promise to be more considerate to each other.
b) Trash the kitchen and leave her a note tell her to clean it up or move out.
Your car is lightly hit by another car causing you to be late for work. You:
a) Speak to your boss on arrival and apologise for being late explaining that you had a minor car accident.
b) Arrive tear stained and shaking and announce that you may have to take the day off as someone smashed into your car and it’s a total right-off.
- When you do something domestic (cook dinner, his washing, nurse him back to health), he doesn’t thank you.
- You and his mother could share clothes.
- When someone criticises you in front of him, he gets teary-eyed and calls you “a saint”.
- He buys you the same perfume his mother wears.
- He calls you “mum” by mistake. More than once.
- When you tell him off he does what he’s told.
Your mother may have taught you good manners at the table, but odds are she didn’t say much about bed. Here are a few top tips for new couples and the newly cohabitating.
- Keep 2 alarms. Man and woman often rise at different hours – and let’s face it, neither one needs a 7am squabble over who forgot to reset the alarm clock.
- Establish a temperature control system. Agree on a balance between weight of bed clothes and the number of centimetres the window is open.
- Agree on what the bed is for. Scrabble, yes, pizza, no – or maybe just the opposite. Whatever terms you decide on, stick to them. Not every one can live (or sleep) with crumbs or will be happy to find a bit of peperoni stuck to their back. Then again those little tiles can get lost in the sheets. Do whatever works for both of you. You might even have fun working it all out!
Short, sweet and solid.
5 of the best morsels of relationship advice you’ll ever get!
- Don’t fight to win, fight to tie.
- If it’s serious to your partner, take it seriously.
- If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s the first thing you should talk about.
- Be extravagant with your encouragement.
- Make love first – then do the washing, pay the bills, return the calls.