The bromance is a weird phenomenon isn’t it? It’s basically when heterosexual men have a platonic affair with a male friend. They chat on the phone like teenage girls, get excited about seeing each other and being able to spend time together. Plus some get pretty physical like play fighting, wrestling, slapping butts, hugging and kissing. It can be a lot like dating except your partner has another man not a women and there’s nothing sexual about it. I did say it was weird! The question is though should women encourage their partners bromance?
Now having witnessed a few in action, elements of intimate relationships are present. They have highs and lows and peaks and valleys and sometimes there’s arguments or even fights. There are positive bromances which are supportive, but also negative ones which can potentially cause your relationship harm. So as you’ll read, not all bromances are created equal.
The positive bromance
These bromances are great and should be encouraged. Together men enjoy playing sport or watching a game, jamming, fixing things, hanging out, helping each other and will provide mutual support. In fact they maintain good mental and physical healthy. Plus if it makes him happy, it will be good for you in the long run.
When it comes to lifestyle, it can be tricky to have a positive bromance if one has a partner and the other doesn’t. Regardless of how well they get along or try to include you, it can lead to relationship issues between the two of you.
If your partner has a bromance with a single friend you’ll need to look at the individuals and the situation. If the friend respects you, your relationship and doesn’t encourage your partner to push boundaries, you’ll have nothing to worry about. Just because the other man is single doesn’t necessarily make him a bad influence.
Encourage the friendship by giving your partner the freedom to enjoy it. Men need to have good friends to discuss their problems and relationships with just like women do. If you find he is spending all of his free time with his friend, establish some boundaries about getting alone time together. If they have a partner or kids, encourage the families to mingle.
The negative bromance
When the bromance is negative, the two men just aren’t good for each other. They may drink too much together, gamble or engage in other behaviours that lead to relationship problems. This will often lead to altercations between the two of them as well. If your partner has continuous problems within the friendship, it’s usually a negative bromance.
Other signs can include if the friend disrespects you, treats you as an inconvenience, wants to spend all their time alone with your partner regardless of set boundaries, or encourages them to cheat on you.
They would like nothing more than to see the two of you split up so they can have your partner all to themselves. Their motives aren’t what good friends wish for each other and are purely selfish. Your partner may not see the friendship for what it is so you have two choices.
The first is to discourage the bromance. Your partner may be unaware of what’s going on and want to continue the friendship, so be aware of opposition. You’ll likely be seen as the bitch for not letting them spend time together. This has the potential to make it stronger and prolong the inevitable, so tread carefully.
The second option is to let the relationship run its course. Explain that you’re not keen on this person but understand your partners need for friendship. You never know, this person may have entered your partners life to teach them something, as negative experiences often do. Don’t encourage the bromance, but don’t discourage it by denying the friendship. Everyone deserves the right to make their own decisions even if they turn out to be mistakes.
After a time your partner will likely become bored, frustrated or aggravated with a negative bromance. This is when they generally end as abruptly as they begin. Be available when they experience the disappointment of their friendship not working out and treasure your time alone together until the next one comes along, as they often do.
The only reason married men pay a women for sex, is that they aren’t getting satisfied at home, right? Wrong! Not that sex doesn’t play a key role; but there seems to be much more to it than meets the eye.
Some married men admit they pay women for sex for a range of reasons, one being the emotional connection. Think about it for a minute. Why wouldn’t they choose to satisfy their own needs without the enormous risk of loosing their wife, kids and home if the connection with a woman wasn’t something they wanted?
In a recent TV interview, a married man who regularly visited a prostitute stated that the emotional connection actually makes the sex better. This is backed up by what another men have been brave enough to admit. It’s not just the sexual release because they can get that for free. It’s the emotional connection that maybe lacking in their marriage that they are craving and paying for.
Being in control of sex
In many marriages, the women has total control of the couples sex life. They dictate when, where and how it happens. Control can be equally as appealing as sex. For some married men, they feel emasculated when their control is completely removed from the equation. Sometimes, when they pay for sex, they are actually paying for the power and control of when, where and how it takes place.
There’s something pretty awesome about feeling wanted. When husbands approach their wives for sex, they want them; there’s no conditions around it and it’s all about the sex. Wives, on the other hand, can place conditions around sex. This is supported by the statistics that men who do more housework get more sex.
Think about how you would feel if your husband had sex with you to get his dinner cooked, clothes washed, house cleaned… get the picture? What a turn off! Unfortunately, that’s exactly what’s happening in some marriages. Men don’t feel wanted. They know sex will cost them in the long run; so they choose to pay for it up front.
Sex without the baggage
Sometimes a married man could chose to have an affair and get extramarital sex for free but chooses to pay for it instead. This leaves no room for attachment from the woman’s perspective. For her, it’s a business transaction and he knows it. He won’t receive awkward calls from girlfriends or lovers, who will threaten his marriage or lifestyle. The husband satisfies which ever need he feels is neglected, all without getting involved with another woman. Obviously, there is something lacking in the marriage and to save it he visits a prostitute.
Madonna or whore
Sigmund Freud suggested that men categories women into 2 types; Madonna or whore. They choose to marry the Madonna; they see her as wholesome and pure, but feel more comfortable having sex with the whore. With her, he doesn’t have to filter his sexual behaviour. This is exactly what they do. Instead of asking their wife to perform particular sexual acts, they pay a prostitute instead. They keep their wife pure and sacred and get their sexual fantasies satisfied.
By Kim Chartres